As Long As You Love Me
by xIndieNikkix
Summary: 2 years have passed. Things always seem to change don't they? Can this new found relationship make it? Or has there chance become long gone? New challenges arise and only the strong will prevail...But who will it be is the question that no one seems to have an answer to. A dramatic sequal to Invisible.
1. Chapter 1

**2 years later**

_Big time rush has soared, from popular to worldwide stars, Logan and camille moved in with each other, Kendall and lucy have baught an appartment together, Carlos is now living with Sam .James and nikki have split up but stayed extremely close friends, Although they are both different people, there is still something there that haunts them. They both now they're right for each other, but they don't realize its true love yet. _

Its like being back at the beginning. Except this time , nikki knew what it was like to be with james. They broke up 2 years ago, and the hardest thing she had to do was watch him once again go through girlfriends how she used to go through alcohol bottles. Her movie had been a big hit, she was living alone and semi content with her life. She lived in the same appartment building as her boys did, getting to see them anytime she wanted. She had put her movie and music career on hold for a bit, focusing her time with photography. James had got her into it when they were together, he told her she had a real talent for it. He even baught her a camera and even opened a small studio space and did some shoots for bands and models. James lives down the hall, and although his current girlfriend Anna, wasn't to thrilled with them being so close, she managed to get along with Nikki all the same.

Nikki stretched as she swung her legs over the bed, a bit wobbly from the party she attended last night. She walked slowly to her bathroom. Fixing her very short hair and smiling before walking to her kitchen. Suddenly she heard little foot steps bounding around the cornor and saw fox. She smiled and picked him giggling.

" Hey sweetie pie! Wheres daddy? Huh? Wheres daddy!" She said letting him loose and james walked around and picked up fox. He smiled to nikki.

" Well hello there, didn't hear you come in till like 5:30 this morning. Someone had a busy night." he said with a wink releasing fox and grabbing a coke from the fridge.

" Ha Ha, not all of us are on a leash." She said with a wink. He frowned.

" Nice Nicole. Besides don't you have any shoots soon?" She hated when he used her full name. She shivered and shook her head.

" No, thank god. But I have serious amounts of editing to do." She whined.

" Shouldn't you get on that?"

" Shouldn't you be with your girlfriend or at the studio? Don't you have an album to produce or something?" He smirked.

"Anna is at work and Gustavo gave us the day off so, I figured id hang with you but since your being bitchey-" She punched him and he gasped grabbing his shoulder. " Evil girl."

" Fine, lemme just get ready." She said tearing off her top and looking for a tank. She grabbed her black one and jean shorts. She applied some makeup and pulled on her aviators and flipflops. She walked out and her and james headed to the boulavard with fox. James seemed nervous, too nervous. She starred at him oddly as he fidgeted with foxs leash. They came to the boarwalk and he paused.

" Okay james, seriously. Why are you so damn jumpy? Its getting me jumpy." Nikki said turning to him as he leaned back against the rail.

" I need your opinion on something..." He said rubbing his neck.

" Okay shoot," She said crossing her arms.

" Well, I really like Ana, shes amazing. And perfect and everything. So I was..."

" James...?"

" I wanna propose to her." He said in one breath, his eyes darted to the ground. Nikkis heart sank, she knew this was coming, she knew this would happen soon, they had been dating for a year now. She was still speechless though. He was asking for her blessing.

" uhm...yeah that sounds great." Nikki said no emotion in her voice. He starred at her, as if searching for some reason to dump ana all together. She turned away.

" Thats it? Just a that sounds great?" But she ignored him and took foxes leash. " Nikki..." She shook her head.

" What do you want me to say james? OH MY GOD! THATS FUCKING FANTASTIC! Fine then thats fantastic for you..." She said walking back to the appartment, all the while james attempting to catch up to her. When she finally reached the elevator she repeatedly hit the up button till the doors opened. She jumped in and he the doors closed. Suddenly she let out a scream that would crack glass. She hopped out of the elevator and too her appartment. Fox bounding beside her as she cursed loudly. She slammed her door shut and walked into her room. She fell face first into a pillow and let out another blast scream. Inhaling she sat up and walked back into the living room. Suddenly james burst through the door starring at her shruedly.

" Cool Nicole, fucking run away In the middle of a conversation why don't you?" He shot leaning over her intently. She looked away. " Nicole Sivini You will cut the crap and explain to me why you ran off!" Nikki looked up to him. Examining him closely, she noticed his small differences. He was taller, had more toned muscle and build, he was coated in a golden tan. His hair was shorter, the sides shaved perfectly. He was wearing a plaid shirt, sleeves rolled up. His eyes became more green and soft, and his voice deepened. He was different, 2 years ago he wasn't as intent and passionate. Thats what killed her. They had broke up and he came out on top with a girlfriend and future. She felt as if in a competion with him, to see who ends up with a happy ending. " Nikki...Nikki? NIKKI! Are you even listening to me?" He questioned harshly. She shivered into reality and he was dangerously close to him.

" I...I...Uhm. I was..." But she was lost for words.

" are you okay?" She loved how he went from pissed straight concerned.

" Im just uhm... I don't know." She said getting up and intertwining her fingers in her hair , entering stressed mode.

" Whats wrong- hey breathe nikki breathe." he said standing up and walking over to her. He gripped her shoulders. " Was it something I said? Was it what I said before?..." She looked into his eyes. He truly wanted an answer from her. As if searching for an approval to marry this girl until Nikki was ready to have him back. She gulped.

" James, ill always be here for you. And if you feel your ready to marry this girl, then go for it. But just think before you do anything. Please..." She said wrapping her small arms around his waist. He held her close and placed a kiss on her head.

" Of course I will. You know me, ive learned my lesson with jumping into things." He said rocking her back and forth. He smelled like hollister. She could feel his pecks and how big they had gotten. His arms tensed around her and she could melt into him. " nikki? What are you doing...?" Nikki jumped and woke up from her thoughts.

"What? Oh nothing I just got dizzy..."

" Do you want to sit?"

" No I uhm... need to...TALK TO LOGAN! Thats it!" James scrucnched his face in confusion but nikki quickly walked out of her appartment and to logans. She knocked on it a couple times before camille answered the door.

" Nikki! Hey!" she said with a smile , but nikki quickly ran in and right to logan. He was sitting on the couch watching tv as camille excused herself to go sit by the appartment complexes pool.

" Hey nik, whats up?" Logan asked. She immediately started to pace.

" Hes gonnna propose." She said walking back and forth. Logan starred at her.

" Whos going to propose?" He added quickly.

" james."

" James is proposing to...ana?"

" Yes."

" Hes going to ask her to marry him."

" Yup."

" so why are you freaking out?"

" HOW ARE YOU NOT FREAKING OUT?"

" Because im not in love with him..." logan said matter of factly. " You have to tell him."

" tell him...Not gonna happen."

" Then why are you asking me?"

"CAUSE YOUR SMART!" Logan sighed and stood up gripping her arms and starring into her eyes.

" so are you. So don't let something happen, that you have control over."

" You didn't see his face." She said softly. She sank into the couch and logan sank in next to her.

" When you love something you have to let it go." He said wrapping his arm around her shoulder. She laid her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes.

" I don't want to let him go. Im not ready." She said burrying her face into his neck. He rubbed her back reasurringly.

" Fight for him. Like he fought for you."

" Your right." She said standing up and taking a deep breath. She walked out leaving a clueless logan and headed back to her appartment. James was sitting in the living room watching her tv and playing with fox. He turned to see nikki walk in and he immediately jumped up.

" So... are we... okay?" He asked rubbing the back of his neck again. She sighed and put on a fake smile.

" of course." She said before grabbing her labtop and walking into her room and shutting the door. She heard him close her appartment door and she immediately leaned her back to the wood and slid down, sobbing uncontroablly. She wasn't going to make it. She knew wasn't. Her mother always taught her to grin and bear it. So for the sake of her friendship with the man she loved, she would do just that.

_OHHH U GUYS MUST WANT TO SKIN MEEE! Im sorry but there is no sequal without a destination ;) Let me give you all a heads up. Shits gonna hit the fan, so id take out your umbrellas. I love you all DEARLY. So let us embark on said journey together :) xox New chapter VERY soon._


	2. Chapter 2

**2 weeks later**

Nikki was pacing again, but this time she was with her friend Haley. She met haley about a year ago, and they became extremely close. It was acutally right after the break up and haley became her rock. Haley sighed sipping her tea as nikki bounded back and forth.

"Nikki, calm down. You making me nervous. And I don't get jumpy." Nikki paused in front of haley leaning on the table.

" He has yet to propose to her... do you think its cause of me? Did I do something? What if I made him think twice? What if he chooses not to propose? Then blames me for his doughts...He's gonna hate me." She said anxiously. " Damn it to hell!" She banged her fist on the table and Haley merrily waved it off. She knew nikki by now. She knew how nikki's mind worked. She'd jump to conclusions too fast. Nikki ran into her bedroom and threw open her sock drawer. She grabbed her stress cigarettes and lighter running back inside. She lit it up and inhaled the tabacco. She had rarely smoked since she dated logan. But her anxiety went sky high when james met anna and well she had to turn to something. To bad it wasn't cleaning she thought. Haley cleared her throat.

"What?" Nikki said innocently, the cigarette hanging from her lips. She took it out and waved the smoke out the window.

" Must you really smoke Nikki? Does anyone else know?" Haley said rolling her eyes

" No Haley and id like to keep it that fucking way." she hissed. Suddenly someone knocked at her door and she cursed loudly, crushing the butt and tossing it out the window. She ran around waving her hands trying to decease of the smell, and sprayed some perfume. Haley simply sat there amused diping her tea bag. She ran to the door and opened it, as james walked in with an odd face.

" Hey nikki I was just wondering if...Is that smoke?" He asked inhaling the air. She looked at him dumbly.

" Is what smoke?" She said crossing her arms tightly.

" That smell."

" what smell?" He narrowed his eyes at her. " James what do you want?"

"what?- OH! I need your help. Can you fix me? I forgot how to tie this thing." he said holding up his black silk tie. She had just realized he was dressed up and something told her it was because of the proposal. She inhaled slowly and nodded walking over to him. She tied his tie and fixed his sleeves.

" How do I look?" She didn't respond, but gave him a small smile and turned away. " You okay?" She nodded refusing to look at him.

" Yeah I just uhm... Where are you going?" she asked changing the subject.

" Tonights the night." he said confidently. Her heart stopped and haley looked up to her quickly. She turned to him.

" T-T-tonight? As is in..r-right now?" She said skipping words. He smiled.

" Yes nikki as in tonight." he chuckled. He made his way over to nikki and grabbed her shoulders.

" This means the world to me that your going to be there every step of the way. You don't know how much I love you." he said wrapping his arms around her waist, lifting her from the ground. She merrily wrapped her arms around his neck. Don't cry nicole, son of a bitch don't do it she thought to herself as he released her and pressed his lips to her forehead. He waved goodbye as he closed the door. Nikki let out a breath, starring at haley.

" Normaly id be against this, but you need a drink...bad." Haley said standing up and grabbing her bag. Nikki smiled as haley lead her out the door.

Xxxx

Nikki and haley walked up and down the darkened boulavard going into shops and walking out. The two became instantly hungry and headed to a local grill called 345. they grabbed a bar stool and ordered. Nikki sipped her beer, casually looking around, as haley excused herself for a phone call.

" Well, damn. I didn't know angels were allowed to drink." Someone said as she whipped around. Her eyes landed a pair of blue eyes and a large smiled. She blushed as the bartendar winked at her.

" Cute line." she said back playfully. He laughed lightly and wipped down a mug.

" thank you , its inspired by you." He said running a hand through his soft black curls. Her breath caught in her throat.

"Oh was it now?"

" It was . So tell me.." He said leaning his elbows on the bar top, " Your boyfriend, how big is he?"

" pardon?" she gulped wide eyed.

" I gotta know if I can fight him off." He said shrugging.

" Oh god, oh okay well uhm. Im single so you'd win by default." She giggled.

" How the hell...is a girl like you single?" he said eying her. She twisted her mouth in flattery and shurgged.

" I ask myself that a lot." He laughed.

" If a girl like you is single, then either guys are completely blind and stupid or your a serial killer and guys would still find you secretly attractive." She began laughing and shook her head.

" Dear god, you must be really desperate." She said rolling her eyes. He leaned into her.

" Or im just extremely irrisistable and your trying to avoid the fact Id like a date." Her eyes closed as his lips came straight up to her ear. " So which is it?" She bit her lip.

" Nikki?" Someone said beside her. She jumped and turned to see james and anna standing there. James was in shock and anna was trying to avoid her eyes. Nikki sighed.

" I thought you said you were single?" the bartendar said with a smirk.

" I am, thats just my annoying best friend." she said quietly. She waved to him awkwardly. " And im not supposed to be drinking. Recovering alcoholic for 2 years." she said laughing a bit.

" Adam by the way. Considering I got your name from your friend over there." He said standing up and winking at nikki. He disappeared behind the bottle rack and she cursed.

" james?" Haley said walking back in and starring between nikki and him.

" Haley, was this your idea?" James snapped angrily. " You know shes recovering from alcoholism right?"

" Say it a little louder james I don't think new york city heard you." nikki snapped harshly. She hopped off the stool and grabbed haleys hand and dragged her out. Thats when nikki saw a glimmer from the cornor of her eye. She stopped dead in her tracks and starred at Annas long boney unpolished finger. Her heart suddenly paused causing her to inhale sharply. Haley followed her gaze. There sat a beautiful Tiffany Embrace Engagement ring. She quickly ran out , haley hott in her footsteps. She hailed a taxi and hopped in. She refused to utter a word. He had done it. He had proposed, she had lost. Her mind flashed back to the first week james and her were together.

_Flashback:_

_She felt james lip press against her bare back and she smiled to herself. She turned around to him. His bright green eyes burned into hers. She merrily examined him. She wanted to know him. Every bump, scar and scratch on his body. He smiled to her softly, as she melted into the sheets. He pushed her hair behind her ear._

" _I love you." He whispered. She closed her eyes and took his hand in hers. Biting her lip, she glanced to him once more._

" _I love you to." she responded as his smile grew and he pressed his soft cherry staind lips to hers. The emotions she felt behind his kiss were undescribable, almost fairytale like. She never wanted to loose him. If she could stay in his arms forever she would._

_End flashback_

She was too caught up to notice haley getting out of the cab to her apparment and telling the driver where to take her home. The cab started up again and soon they were back at ridgeway drive where her appartment building complex stood. She handed the cabby 15 and hopped out. When she got to her door, she threw her bags down. She heard familiar nails scratching against her floor and spotted fox darting her way. Anna didn't really care for dogs so james left fox here mostly. She petted him and headed straight for bed, grabbing her cigarettes and lighter.

" Shhh don't tell daddy." she said winking at fox who barked at her. She sat on her large window cill and exhaled the menthol mist. Tears escaped her eyes slowly. She was loosing this fight. Just like she had every other time she attempted to fight it. All she could think of were those fucking eyes. That fucking smile. His fucking face. No she thought to herself, she gave up last time. She left and went to london. Not again. Not this time. She was going to fight back. She flicked the finished cigarette out the window and undressed. Within minutes she was asleep.

Xxxx

Logan walked into nikkis appartment. James had told him she did the other night and he became instantly worried. Not to mention shes locked herself in her appartment for 3 days straight and refused phone calls, texts, and fb managed to grab a key from the front desk last night and promised to visit her the next morning. As he walked in he shushed fox and walked into nikki's bedroom. The smell of cigarette smoke filled the air and he sighed. Not again he thought sadly. He saw her cuddled up in her comforter and he laid down next to her. She opened her eyes slowly.

" What do you want?" she snapped shutting them again angrily. He gave her a half smile.

" I thought you quit?" he said sadly.

" I thought so too till me and james broke up. And then he met anna, then he got engaged. I needed a release." Logan groaned.

" Nicole, you know im always here for you to-" She sat up and glared at him.

" Logan do you not fucking get it? Talking doesn't always help. It just fucking doesn't. Sometimes I need to let loose in other ways." She snapped.

" Well, how about instead of moaping around you get revenge?" He said slyly.

" Oh please, we already tried the jeaslousy thing."

" No not that kind. I meant, get a make over , new style everything. Shock the shit out of him." he suggested starring at her as she narrowed her eyes and smirked at him. " Anyway. We're celebrating james birthday tonight at Club Econica. Perhaps you should do that plan today?" He said standing up and waving goodbye. She sat and pondered for a second. His birthday. A grand finale for her to make an entrance. She got up and got ready. Prepare for a shit shock fest, she thought to herself.


	3. Chapter 3

Nikki threw dresses ,shirts and skirts left and right. Her eyes were searching frantically for something outstanding. Something that surpassed the wow factor and went straight to 'Oh my fucking god.' Suddenly her eyes landed on a zipped up black dress bag. She narrowed her eyes and smiled to herself. Slowly she pulled it out and starred at it, slightly nervous to see what lay behind. Carefully she placed it on the bed, and unzipped with ease. Her mouth dropped. She had tottally forgot she had gotten this dress. She became friends with someone who worked for Dolce and Gabbana in NYC and they had done a run through of the sample sizes. Her eyes lit up at the lace bustier ruched black dress. It was perfect. She quickly dressed in it and smiled at her accentuated size 34 d breasts, and perfectly round ass. She slipped on her paird of black suede studded spike lace up platform booties and smirked at her reflection, letting her short black hair fall graciously to the right side of her face. Oh yes, she was more then ready.

(Dress: .

Shoes: Francheska-03S-Suede-Studded-Spike-Lace-Up-Platform-Bootie_116_ )

xxx

James checked his watch impatiently, giving an exhasperated sigh. The limo had been waiting for the past 20 minutes, and logan, camille, kendall, lucy, carlos, sam, anna, haley , haleys date who he had never met, penny, penny's date, who he also didn't know and a couple of his friends from Minnasota were all standing in the lobby looking around.

" Logan, I thought you said she was coming!" James said viciously. Anna grabbed his arm to calm him down.

" She said she was james just give her a few..." But he stopped in mid sentence, as his eyes became glued to the elevator door. Every followed his gaze. James eyes widened in shock, his jaw dropping with everyone elses. Haley gasped and covered her mouth. Logan smiled to Nikki devilishly as she slowly made her way down the walkway to the front doors. Everyone else in the lobby starred her down, some with awe , some with envy and some with disgust. She earned a few cat calls as she walked passed a group of guys cheking in. She smirked to herself as she headed to her friends. She smiled to them warmly. Everyone was too in shock to speak.

" Do you like?" She said eagerly flaunting it.

" Ha ha No. Where the hell is the rest of it?" James snapped at her in a fatherly tone, crossing his arms.

" Its a cocktail dress dipshit, this is all thats there." She retorted with a smart ass smile. " Happy birthday." She said with a wink.

" Your not going out like that-Logan tell her she's not going out like that!" He argued . She rolled her eyes.

" James, I think she can...make her own choices-" Logan started.

" And they are DAMN fine choices." One of his friends, ben interrupted. James shot him a disapproving look and he quickly shut up.

" I like it." Penny piped up with a smile.

" thank you ." Nikki smiled to her. " Shall we?"

" go change." James said harshly.

" Oh grow up. Its your birthday remember? Be a bit more your age." She snapped turning on her 6 inch spiked heel and headed to the limo, making sure her walk popped her ass.

" NICOLE SIVINI! IM SERIOUS! DON'T WALK AWAY FROM ME!" she heard him yell. " WE HAVE TO WAIT FOR YOUR DATE DON'T WE!" She stopped in her tracks. Shit she forgot one. Cursing under her breath she turned back with a smirk.

" You don't need a man when you look this good." She said shrugging and jumping in the limo.

Xxxx

They arrived at the club and immediatley were swarmed by paparazi. Nikki merrily smiled and waved, blowing kisses every now and then. She walked into the club and immediatley the dubstep pounded her ears. Flashing lights roared around her as people danced everywhere. Not waiting for anyone she ran to the bar eagerly. When she got there she gave the bartender a wink and asked for a red devil. Her drink as she called it. He winked back and nodded. She spotted anna hanging all over james and her heart started to race again. Shock them, she thought. Freak them out. Inhaling sharply, she saw as her friends started to walk over to her crowding around next to her for drinks. Her eyes landed on the bartender as he handed her the drink.

" HEY!" She screamed over the music and he turned back. She unknowingly grabbed the attention of the boys and there girlfriends. She grabbed a cherry and put it in his mouth, she then leaned over the bar top seductively and pressed her lips to his, pulling it from his teeth. James growled. She bit her lip, and gave him a small wave walking away. She knew everyones eyes were on her and thats how she wanted to keep it for awhile. She has clubbed in New York City and England for christ sake, LA was nothing. She grabbed a random guy started to dance with him. She coule feel james and logans eyes on her. But she was going to show them her wild side. When she finshed her drink , she wrapped her hands around the guys neck and grinded against him. Slutty was one thing, confident was a whole other ball game.

The night went on and on, and shot after shot she became more and more confident in herself. The boys have only ever seen, distraught and stressed drunk nikki, this was fun and spontanious Nikki.

" BODY SHOTS!" She screamed loudly by the bar. Everyone around her cheered. James and the rest of her group had an elevated vip table in the middle of the club, so she knew that she was visible to them.

By her 5th shot she laid down on the bar and slowly slipped down her dress, revealing her bra and bare belly. The bartender squirted whip cream on her clevage, and belly button. He filled the circles with hurricane bicardi, and a blonde hair ,blue eyed guy about 20 pressed his lips to her naval. She cheered as another guy, brown hair green eyes places his lips above her breasts inhaling the alcohol from her skin. When she was done she zipped her dress back up and the bartendar helped her up on the counter. She screamed and danced around, letting lose. She twirled around grabbing the pole that was set up there and laughed. She knew she was more then drunk, but didn't care as she screamed the lyrics to Like its her birthday by Good charlotte.

Everyone cheered around her jumping up and down as she bent down and pressed her lips to one of the gorgeous guys that were singing along. Everyone screamed and cheered. She stumbled around as a couple other girls, jumped on the bar with her dancing around.

Xxx

Logan watched nikki dance around. He'd never seen her so relaxed with herself. He loved it actually. Shes right , sometimes letting lose is the best way. He could feel the anger radiating from james. But there wasn't any reason for it. He was chosing to be pissed, and anna disliked it. He looked to camile. He quickly took her hand and stood up, everyone starred at them.

" I don't know about you. But im joining nikki on the bar!" He said geekly running to the crowd camille excitedly in tow. Kendall looked around and then grabbed lucy heading after them. Carlos and sam soon followed along with penny and her date and haley and her date, and james and anna were left sitting alone. James really didn't mind , but he could tell anna did.

" could we go dance sweetie?" She asked softly. He sighe and nodded, giving into her blue eyes. But he was going to dance away from everyone partying at the bar.

Xxx

Nikki stumbled down from the bar and quickly fell onto a stool. Suddenly she saw a pair of familiar eyes coming toward her. It was adam from last night. He smiled to her.

" Adam?" She asked slurringly. He simply nodded. She got up shakely and fell into his arms. He placed her back on the stool. "what are you doing here?"

"I always come here on fridays." He said with a wink. She giggled and suddenly she felt his lips press against hers. She moaned as he pulled her up into him and pressed there bodies together. She felt his hand land on her bum and she ran her hands through his hair moaning a bit as he guided her to the dance floor. Once again, she could feel james eyes burn into the back of her head and simply brushed it off as adam caressed her body.

She could feel adams hand dig into her back and she pushed him away a bit. But he forcefully pulled her back. She squirmed a bit and shook her head, but he had a firm grip on her wrist.

" Where do you think your going?" He growled under his breath.

" adam let go." She said trying to pull him off but he stightened his grip and she winced.

" Im not done with you yet." he said forcing his tounge down her throat she attempted to yank away but he was too strong for her unsober self state.

" HEY! Fuck face she said get off!" Someone said behind her as they pulled her away. Adam snorted and drunkily made a face.

" Oh yeah and what are you going to do about it pretty boy?" He said leaning over james by mere inches.

" Ill fuck you up if you even think of coming near her again." He said pushing adam back forcefully. Adam stumbled and let out a horrid laugh.

" Oh Please, you don't give a fuck about her-" he started, but james was quicker and his fist collided with adams jaw causing him to fall down and cough out blood. He held his cheek and narrowed his eyes at james. " Your gonna pay for that one pretty boy-" He said jumping on james and slamming his fist into james eye. Nikki gasped and attempted to get between them, but was yanked out by a brunetted whore looking girl who wore a smirk.

" Hey bitch, I saw you dancing with my boyfriend. You got some nerve slut." The brunette said slapping nikki. Nikki gasped and grabbed her face. Suddenly she pulled back her hand cut it across the girls face making her scream in pain and attack nikki. Soon kendall and carlos and logan were attempting to break up the fight between adam and james, who were both so bloody, there skin was barely visible. Nikki felt lucy pick her up with camille as anna and penny held back the other girl. Nikki pushed them away and ran head first at the girl grabbing ahold of her hair and clawing at her skin. Lucys arm rapped around her waist and pulled her off. When james and nikki were contained they pulled them both to the limo out front, cameras flashing everywhere.

When he two were in the limo, haley immediatley started to fix nikki's face with towels as logan tended to james.

" Ugh, fuck!" james whined as logan attempted to clean the gashes on his face and arms.

" We need to get to a hospital guys..." Logan trailed off. " Hey Jeremy Hospital please?" He asked the driver as the limo turned a cornor.

" James are you fucking insane?" anna said rubbing james hand.

"hows...hows nikki?" He managed to whisper. He pulled his arm out of logans grip and pointed to where nikki sat covered in cuts and bruises.

" James she's fine..." logan started but james insisted he tended to her. Sighing he started to fix up nikki a bit.

Xxx

Nikki sat holding a tissue to her bleeding nose, inclosed behind 3 white curtains. James laid on the stretcher , an ice pack on his swelling welts on his forehead. His eyes were closed and dshe watched his chest rise and fall.

" James..." He made a noise acknowledging he heard her. "Im-"

" Miss. Sivini, Mr. Diamond." The doctor interrupted her as he walked in. He eyed them curiously. " Are you two..."

" No... no god no. This was a bar fight..." Nikki said quickly correcting him.

" Ahhh. Okay." He said starting to examine james. " Well Mr. Diamond stiches are in order for this.1 should be good." He said after putting the ice pack back above james eye. He walked over to nikki and eyed her carefully, examining her face. " Same goes for you." Nikki groaned. " broken nose, 2 stiches on left side of your head." He said firmly as the nurse behind him took notes. They exited and james sighed sitting up.

" I had her you know." Nikki managed to say after 5 minutes of silence. She didn't look up and instead fidgetted with her dress.

" Yeah, im sure you did." James said with a snort. Nikki smiled a bit.

" well you distracted me." She said matter of factly.

" How so? I was beating up her shitty boyfriend." He said defensivly.

" Thanks. You didn't have to do that though. Its your birthday...I just ruind it." She said softly looking back down.

" Of course I did nicole he was hurting you, my birthday or not I refuse to let someone hurt you like that. And besides, I just spent my 21st birthday in the ER because of a bar fight. It was a pretty successful night." He said laughing a bit. She didn't look up, instead he saw her frown grow. " Nikki...Its fine I swear." She shook her head.

" No james. Its never going to be fine." She got up as he shot her a confused look. " Im never going to be fine." She walked out of the secluded area and down the hall to the nurses station leaving james pondering on if she meant about tonight or something more.


	4. Chapter 4

A couple of weeks passed, news about James and Anna's engagement flooded the media. Nikki merrily kept to herself as the boys, gustavo and kelly handled the press. She of course disapproved of the entire ordeal, but she wasn't going to ruin there happiness. She was never raised like that. She currently sat in her studio going through a photoshoot she had done for a magazine today. She edited some shots here and there, refusing to log onto any social networking sites, in fear of having her friends pm her or post on her wall about the wedding. The day the news got out on perez, her cell phone blew up with so many texts she had to turn it off instantly. She glanced at the clock and sighed realizing it was 9pm and she had to get these pictures in at 8am tomorrow. Suddenly someone imed her from her ichat and she looked at it cautiously. Kendall? She thought. She clicked the youtube link .

" She's stuck in the class a-team..." Kendall serenaded to the camera. Her heart melted with each word. He had the ability to make people cry with his voice. She picked up her phone and texted kendall.

Nikki (9:12pm):just got the link to your cover. Beautiful job babe xox.

She hit send and immediately got a text back.

Kendizzle(9:13pm): Knew it was your favorite song. Figured you needed a bit of cheering up xoxo :)

Nikki(9:13pm): I did babe, thank you xo

Kendizzle(9:15pm): Whats that saying you always tell us when were down or upset? Oh YEAH! Smile happy looks beautiful on you. :3

She couldn't help but grin. She had amazing friends, no matter what happened. Suddenly there was a knock at the metal door and she looked at it confused, who could have been there? She walked over to it cautiously and suddenly heard a familiar voice.

"Nnnnnnniki." Someone mumbled with a slur. She gasped when she realized who it was, opening it quickly and letting james fall ontop of her, reeking like a bar. She grabbed a hold of him and leaned him against a wall as he moaned. She shut the door and quickly locked it.

" James what the hell happened?" She said with concern slowly lowering him to the floor. He whined and pushed her hand away. " James let me see your eye." She said sternly. She grabbed a papertowl from the sink next to her and held it started to clean the gash. He smiled wickedly.

" Partying!" He said raising his fists in the air. She sighed and softly pressed the paper towl to his wound and he winced back. " Nu." He slurred.

" Why the hell were you at a bar again? Didn't you learn your lesson?" She said angrily. She stood up and grabbed her first aid kit from the bathroom.

" Nupe." He said with a drunk stare. His hand landed on her cheek and she starred into his blurred eyes. " You know...I love anna right? Like am I doin this right?" He murmurred. Great he was an honest drunk, fuck she thought.

" Yes james I know-come on up you go." She said rolling her eyes. " Time to go home." He shook his head vigorusly.

" Nuuu can't go homee! Anna, would hate me." He said sadly cuddling his head into nikkis neck. She sighed.

" Fine, your gonna have to shower here. Come on." She replied helping him up the full bathroom she had down the hall. He burped and she made a face. " Damn it james, you fucking reek." she said in anger. He fell ontop of her causing her to fall back into the wall. His face was inches from hers as she inhaled sharply. " get undressed." She said softly as his forehead rested on hers. He made a noise.

" you." He said slyly.

" James-"

" IM dizzy." he said frowning. " I di-d it for you." She groaned as she sat him on the bowl.

" Fine." She said lifting his arms up. She slowly pulled his black v-neck over his head. Suddenly he fell forward into her stomach and smiled to himself. She rolled her eyes once more and stood him up. He wrapped his arms around her neck, resting his head on her shoulder. She undid his jeans and pulled them off. She sat him back on the toilet and let him fall to the side and rest his head on the cool tiles. She turned on the water and slowly helped him in. She watched him lay his head back in pleasure of the hot water. He licked his lips and his eyes closed as he ran his hands through his hair. He glanced over to her and smirked.

" What?" she said crossing her arms aggrivated.

" You know you wanna look." He said winking. She rolled her eyes and laughed.

" good one- JAMES NO!" She screamed as he pulled her in . She fell ontop of him and he laughed. She growled and pushed him forcefully causing him to fall back and grabbing her soaked sleeve for support. She then fell onto him once more and she cursed. He laughed hysterically and she narrowed her eyes at him. " ITS no fucking funny asshole." She said trying to get up, but he pulled her back.

" You know...I never stopped." he said closing his eyes again. She paused and turned back to him.

" Never stopped what?"

" Being in love with you." Her heart stopped for a moment as she starred at him in all seriousness. He merrily intertwined his hand with hers and she quickly tore it free. She got up and grabbed a towl from the rack immediately putting it on her hair. He sat up and starred at her. " Nikki-" She shut off the water and threw him a towl, ignoring his calls. She was in a state of shock. This is the man who proposed to a whole different women, a man she loved but was engaged to married. Thoughts swirled around her as she heard james stumble toward her, the towel wrapped around his waist. His hair was soaked as he leaned over her. She looked down, refusing to meet his eyes. She instead walked over to the door and motioned for him to leave.

" Ill call you a cab." Was all she said before he scrunched his face in confusion and frowned.

" Nikki...i-"

" Don't james. Just fucking don't. You broke up with me remember? Go home. Sober up. And grow up. You're getting married. Act like an adult for once in your life." She snapped angrily. Caught off guard he stumbled a bit from her outburst. He sighed and grabbed his stuff. She dialed a number on her iphone and muttered a bit. " Cab will be here in 10 minutes." She said before walking back to her desk, starting up doing work again. He starred her down.

" I don't get it. I thought you loved me." He said softly.

" I did, then you broke my heart." She said non chalantley.

" You broke mine first..." Her eyes shot up to him.

" Are you fucking kidding me? I broke yours first? James...We we're fighting. And you looked me in the eyes and told me you could get someone so much better. And you did james. You fucking did. Anna is amazing, shes sweet and caring and beautiful and smart and-"

" Not you." he finished, rubbing the back of his neck.

" No james. She's not me. And im damn happy im not her."

" Oh really? You're telling me you wouldn't kill to be in her place." Nikki narrowed her eyes at him.

" Im promising you, I never will nor will I want to be in her place. If she's happy with you, then she can have you. Im done with this mindfuck game of yours-"

" Oh please, cause you're so grown up now!" He yelled.

" Actually james, I am. I am proud to say I am extremely more mature then you. I had my moments a couple years back, but im different now. I thought you were too, but this..." She gestured to his intoxicated body. " this has proven me...to be 100% wrong." she said with disgust. He stared at her deeply. Words couldn't come to mind, so he simply stayed quiet. Nikki saw the headlights from the window and james quickly stood up, swaying back and forth a bit. She made to help him to the car but he shrugged off her hand. After he was gone, nikki leaned her back against the cool metal door, taking in what had just happened.

Xxx

It had been awhile since nikki had really picked up a guitar. When she was younger, her parents put her through extensive music classes consisting of guitar and piano. They'd call her there little triple threat. She knew she would one day be famous, it was somewhat inevitable.

A couple of weeks had passed and she hadn't talked to james or anyone really for that matter. She felt like a complete outsider to all of them, even haley. They were all happy and in love. She was alone and broken. She walked down the busy boulavard and her eyes landed on a small music shop. Interested she walked in and looked around smiling a bit at some of the beautiful wooden acoustics. She walked in and out of the small isles.

" You know if your interested in acoustics, we do have some ovations. There beautiful." Someone said next to her. She jumped and grabbed her chest. " Sorry, didn't mean to startle you." he was tall, blue eyes and brown hair, he had a gorgeous smile and wore a v-neck and skinny jeans. His accent was pure northern british. A classic band guy. She smiled to him.

" Im Tommy." He said genuionly holding his hand out. She took and bit her lip.

" Nikki."

" Gorgeous name love, so how long have you been playing?" He asked crossing his arms with a smile.

" Uhm, since I was 9. But I stopped for awhile, it was to much to handle." She said nervously pushing hair behind her ear.

" Why stop?"

" I was being forced to take lessons for that, piano acting and singing." She said sadly.

" Ouch, we're your parents on some sort of ego trip? We're you that amazing?" She smirked at him.

" No, they just wanted...big things for me. Every parent does..but id always feel bad for my brother and no one ever really paid attention to him...then my parents split up and it was all about the divorce and being at each others throats with everything- And I can't believe im telling a complete stranger this." He laughed and shrugged his shoulders.

" Im easy to talk to. Guess its just the face." she snorted and giggled. " Excuse me but I get a lot from this face. And hopefully...a date with you ?"

" You wanna go out with me?" He rubbed the back of his neck and she laughed a bit. " Okay if you want." She put her number in his phone and he immediately texted her a smiley face.

" Great, it was nice to meet you nikki." he said flirtaciously waving a bit as he headed back to the counter to help a customer.

Xxxx

Nikki had a slight bounce in her step as she walked up to her appartmeant. She didn't really notice logan starring at her from his door where he was talking to kendall. Logan immediately stopped talking and quickly ran up to her. She turned to him with a smile and it quickly faded when she saw the look in his eyes.

" whats wrong?" She said searching for an answer.

" Whats wrong?" He said grabbing her hand and dragging her to his appartmeant. Her eyes landed on a passed out still beat up james. She sighed and crossed her arms. " THATS WHATS WRONG!" he yelled. " he's been like that for hours-AND hes been puking up everything except organs."

" so?" Was all she said as carlos , kendall and logan eyes all landed on her.

" So? Nikki, hes sick..he said he was with you last night." Kendall said harshly.

" Actually he came to my studio...piss drunk. So I cleaned him up best I could and sent him home."

" are you insane? WHY DIDN'T YOU CALL US?" Logan snapped at her. She narrowed her eyes at him.

" I tried! BUT NO ONE ANSWERED! AND IM NO LONGER HELPING! IM DONE WITH THIS...THIS … WHATEVER THE FUCK THIS GAME IS!" She screamed throwing up her hands. The boys took a step back, surprised by her outburst. She walked over to the hungover james and simply drenched him with the water bottle. He jumped up alert as ever and starred nikki down.

" WHAT THE FUCK!" He yelled wiping water off his face.

" NOW HE'S AWAKE. PROBLEM SOLVED. IM GOING TO MY APPARTMEANT." She stated storming out of the room and slamming the door shut causing everyone to jump.

Xxx

Nikki smiled into the mirror and glanced at her black halter dress. She never really went on a real date before, but she sure as hell was ready for one. She dabbed her red lipstick a bit and made her way out the door and too the lobby. Her eyes landed on him and she immediately blushed. He looked so handsom. His hair spiked up generously and his smile made her knees weak, a feel she hadn't gotten in years.

" Don't you clean up beautifully." He said softly twirling her around.

" ha ha your hysterical. So what do we do on dates." He gave her a funny look as he walked her to his car. A beautifully old red cadillac convertible. She thanked him and sat in the passenger side.

" Im sorry but did you just ask what to do on a date? Have you never been asked out before?" She blushed.

" I have but never properlly I guess." He Stopped the car and looked at her.

" Who the hell wouldn't properly ask a lady as breath taking as you out on a real date?" She shrugged. " Well I hope you like to be wined and dined and waited on." He said driving off again. Nikki could smell the ocean on her left and glanced over toward the boardwalk area. " Hope you like indie. Im british so its in my blood to enjoy this kinda music." He said with a wink as he blasted Royksopp.

" I love them. Im dying to see them in concert." she says flirtaciously flipping her hair around in the wind. He laughs softly.

" God, your beautiful." He says as they pull into a vacant parking lot in front of a dim lit beach. She turns to him confused.

" Is this the part where you murder me?" he laughed and shook his head.

" No this is the part where I win your love." He said smoothly helping her out of the car. He intertwined his fingers in hers and walked her toward the middle of the beach. Suddenly her eyes landed on a small table lit by two candles with a bottle of champaigne. She eyed him curiously.

" Uhm... did you forget to tell me how rich you are?" He laughed and seated her.

" No I just chose to ignore that part." He thanked the waiter that seemed to appear out of nowhere for setting down to each of there plates. She smiled at him over the table. " funny, you even look beautiful over candle light."

" Someone's trying to get it in aren't we?" He shrugged nervously.

" No, just figured id show you some class."

" Why do you work if your so rich." He shrugged once more.

" Not sure. I have to get out of the house otherwise id loose my mind."

" What do you mean?"

" my parents are bloody mad. They want me to be a lawyer and I want to be a muscian." He smiled to her as he took a bite of his chicken parm.

" Im sorry." Was all she said before smiling a bit and looking at him sincerely. He shrugged and smiled back warmly.

" How do you americans say it? Shit occurs?" She giggled and shook her head.

" Shit happens."

" AHH thats the one."

" Sorry im not very lady like."

" Oh please, by all means. Be as unfeminine as you'd like. Quite honestly hate uptight girls."

" Do you now?" She said kicking off her heels. He eyed her with a smile.

" Yes..." She winked at him and grabbed the champaigne bottle standing up.

" care to jump in the water with me?" He starred at her and his smile grew to his ears as he too kicked off his shoes and grabbed the other bottle of red wine and ran after her.

" GO GO GO!" he screamed tearing off his shirt and grabbing her around the waist hauling her over his shoulder. She laughed loudly as he ran head first into the waves. She screamed and laughed in protest but he threw her in as she grabbed him by the pant loop and dragged him down as well. When they popped up she splashed him.

" THIS dress was expensive!" She yelled as he pulled her closer to him.

" My apologies, guess Ill just have to buy you a new wardrobe to make up for it then." He wrapped his arms around her waist and she starred into her eyes. She had that feeling. The one she got with james. Her hands ran through his hair. " What?" he said laughing nervously. " Why are you looking at me like th-" But she pressed her lips to his and he responded, placing his hand behind her neck and pulling her closer.

" Crap." She said pulling away.

" what's the matter?" He said scared.

" I think im falling for you." She said with a smile. He laughed and pulled her in again for another kiss.


	5. Chapter 5

Nikki jumped up to the sound of her door being thrown open. She glanced over at tommy who was drapped over her and she smiled a bit before throwing off the covers. She walked into the living room and was face to face with logan, james kendall and carlos. She wonders if they have any sort of respect to knock but that quickly fades. They all seem to look pissed.

" Whats wrong with you guys?" She says with a smirk and closes her bedroom door behind her. " You look like you all got your periods at once."

" Ha Ha Your jokes are so funny sometimes." Logan says sarcastically. " So uh. Where have you been for 3 weeks?" He said crossing his arms. Nikki laughed and starred them down.

" Sorry I was at work?" She said grabbing apple juice from the fridge.

" All night too?" James snapped. It was hard for her to be mad as she had just had the most amazing night with the most amazing guy.

" Nope." She said with a wink.

" Thats all we're going to get is a nope?" Kendall said narrowing his eyes.

" Sorry your right." She cleared her throat and smirked. " Nope, I was having sex at night." She laughed as everyone of there faces dropped. Suddenly her bedroom door opened and tommy walked out in his skinny jeans with his perfectly crafted abbs that were starting to give james a run for his money. She smiled to him and kissed him good morning as they boys all starred at the scene in front of them.

" ello mates. Im tommy." He said casually kissing nikki and grabbing a beer.

" Im sorry but what the fuck?" was all logan said before nikki and tommy burst out laughing.

" You must be the neighbors, we're we to loud last night?" He said winking to them.

" Ha, your funny. I hope you find physical violence hysterical." James said starting for him, but carlos and kendall grabbed ahold of him. Not flinching tommy smiled to them and they eyed him viciously back.

" Meet my new boyfriend tommy. Hes a musician." Nikki said excitedly. Part of her wanted to push there buttons the other part sincerely hoped they'd like him. James glared at her.

" Boyfriend? Your shitting me right?" He said backing off and crossing his arms.

" Nope." She then leaned into tommys arms and placed her hand on her stomach. " But we are getting married because...im pregnant!" She said jumping up and down. Logan, james, kendall and carlos's eyes all widened.

" IM gonna fucking kill you." Carlos said from behind them and ran head first for tommy who merrily threw his head back and laughed.

" Babe I told you that was not going to make them laugh!" He said kissing nikki as she rolled her eyes and turned back to making breakfest.

" Thats not funny Nicole." Logan managed to say after catching his breath.

" Can we speak to you for a second." Kendall said to nikki as she bit into an apple.

" I guess." She said shrugging.

" Alone." James snapped toward tommy who smiled warmly and sat in the living room. Nikki followed the boys outside as they all stood there starring her down.

" Oh please. It was a joke. Don't get your balls in a vice." She said rolling her eyes and crossing her arms.

" Yeah well, im sorry but I disapprove of this relationship." Logan said straightfoward.

" IM sorry dad, I didn't know you were in town today." she said smirking.

" We're serious nikki , there's something off about him." Kendall said sighing.

" Oh and what is that? That he's not james or logan? Your kidding right?" She started to feel her temper flare. " Im finally happy. IM in a place of complete contentivenss and you have to come in here saying shit like that? Screw you guys. I don't need your approval." she snapped as she walked back into her appartmeant. There was something wrong with Tommy. The boys could feel it, he did not give off a very good vibe.

Xxx

She had been dating him for about 2 months now. And yes he was perfect in everyway, he was her tommy. Everything about him made her smile. His dimples, his accent, that beautiful laugh. But something was off. She could feel it, but she kept pushing it aside. But she had found out just how rough tommy could be. Not so much in bed, I mean the sex was great. But he was more verbally harsh towards her, sometimes he'd grab her wrists or shake her. In fact he managed to bruise them quite well. She just brushed it off as an accident and refused to let anyone see them. Especially her boys. But she felt different since she started dating him. More quite, more alone. She was secluding herself and she couldn't seem to place why. She never really smiled anymore, something she missed.

One night, tommy went out drinking with his friends and nikki chose to stay in. Something she rarely did and figured it would be best for her. She grabbed the remote and flipped through some channles and when nothing was on she got up and walked down the hall toward logans appartmeant. She knocked a couple of times and he threw open the door.

" Hey, You busy?" She asked with a smile. He shook his head and let her in and her eyes fell on james, anna, camille, kendall and lucy and carlos. She examined carlos and noticed just how rough this break up with sammy was taking its toll on him. He was cuddled up with sydney and looked lost in thought.

" Wheres your new boy toy at?" James said sipping his beer. She narrowed her eyes at him.

" Out with his friends." She snapped and took the glass of wine that camille offered her. " Why do you care?"

" No I just figured you'd be out with him since you've been ignoring us for awhile." She knew he was being his normal sassy james self but that one really hurt. She didn't respond and he simply glanced at her. " Sorry. Didn't mean to be harsh." She shrugged her shoulders.

" Nikki...we're kinda glad your here." Logan said rubbing the back of his neck and leaning against. Not one person would meet her eye. Something was wrong.

" What did I do?" She asked weakly.

" Are you okay?" Kendall asked concerned, leaning toward her. She eyed him and smiled awkwardly back.

" Im fine why?" She said laughing nervously. They weren't laughing. Was this not a joke?

" No nicole... Are you okay?" carlos said getting up and crossing the room toward her.

" I just said yes...why do you guys keep asking me that question?" Confusion was an understatemeant. She saw james face harden and narrow his eyes at her. Suddenly his eyes fell down toward her shaking hands. She followed his gaze and tried to hide her hands in between her legs but his reflexes were to quick and he managed to push up her sleeves. It revealed her swollen throbbing, black and blue beaten wrists. She closed her eyes, waiting for the blow.

" What the hell happened..." He said as logan came closer, grabbing her hands. She winced and gasped. They all glanced at her.

" Nicole, these look like hand marks..." Logan said trailing off in disbeliefe. She laughed nervously and pulled her hands away.

" Yeah we liked to play rough you know-" But they weren't buying it. Not even a second.

" Nicole those look like someone was holding you against your will." Kendall said curiously. She laughed a bit and shrugged, getting up quickly and grabbing her glass of wine. Everyone starred at her in shock.

" Nikki..." James called after her. She whipped around.

" WHAT! WHAT DO YOU WANT JAMES?" She yelled viciously. He simply shrunk back and shook his head. " Its nothing. We play rough. Thats it." She said angrily walking back to her appartmeant.

Xxx

It was nothing right? I mean she was fine. He didn't mean to hurt her. He apologized. And yet the feeling she had was nagging at her insides. But she refused to acknowledge it. Nikki stood in the shower as the hot water caressed her black and blues. She was thankful only her wrists were visible and no one had to see the rest of her body. James, logan, carlos and kendall hadn't really talked to her in a couple weeks since they saw her wrists. But whenever she'd see them looking at her, all she saw was disappointment. So instead she decided to indulge herself into work and secluded herself in the house. It was unlike her to stay in so much, especially since she was such an outdoor person. But something inside her changed. She just didn't feel like herself anymore. She winced as she made to lift her arm and grab the soap. Everything was sore. She sighed and turned off the shower, slowly getting out grabbing the sink for support. Thankfully tommy wasn't home, so she didn't have to answer to anyone. Why did she suddenly become so helpless? She looked in the mirror at her sunken in face and pale skin. She turns away and refuses to look at her reflection anymore.

" Nicole?" Someone's voice echos through the appartmeant. She prays its not tommy but also prays its not who she thinks it is. Her strength is limited so she can only wrap the towl around her and slowly drag herself out of bathroom. Logan stares at her in shock.

" What " She says slowly. She walks to her bed and sits down inhaling uncomfortably. Logan makes his way toward her and stands her up. She gasps as he grabs her arm that was mostly bruised.

" What are you doing to yourself nikki?" He said concerned. She simply rested her head on his strong shoulder as he wrapped his arms around her. She immediately felt herself breakdown. She felt his grip tighten around her waist and he rocked her back and forth as she sobbed into him. " Oh nikki please tell me...he didn't do this." She didn't answer but merrily tensed up. " Oh nicole no. No no no." He pulled her away and pushed the hair from her face.

" Don't tell james." Was all she managed to whimper before she grabbed her pjs and walked into the bathroom. Logan sat down on the bed and put his head in his hands. How stupid could she be? Why would she still be with him? He felt like crying himself. She was letting him do this to her. Why? She reappeared from the bathroom sitting next to him. He didn't look up but simply at the wall ahead.

" I won't tell him..." Logan said suddenly, whispering to her. He didn't look in her direction though. " But you have to promise me you'll leave him..." He said taking her hand in his. She pulled it away abuptly earning a look from logan .

" No." She said sternly.

" Nikki I know your scared-"

" Scared? Of what? It wasn't his fault." Logan starred at her.

" What do you mean it wasn't his fault..."

" He didn't realize what he was doing. We we're fighting and I smashed my plate-"

" Nicole. A smashed plate, doesn't mean he has the right to lay a hand on you...I can't believe you just said that. Whats wrong with you? Do you not fucking see what he's doing to you? Or are you that naïve that you choose to ignore it?" He stood up causing her to flinch and move back a bit. She was so broken, so hurt. She simply shrugged.

" I can take care of myself..." She said dangerously.

" clearly not nicole. Clearly not...fuck." He said sadly. It was breaking her heart. She didn't like this feeling. She didn't want to feel guilty for anything. He opened his mouth a few times, and nothing came out. " are you going to let him keep doing ….this to you?" He said gesturing to her scars and bruises. " Because...i ….i don't think I can be your friend anymore if your that thick headed to stay with a man who beats the shit out of you. I refuse to stand here and watch you... pracically kill yourself." His voice is shaky and she could feel the hurt in his voice. She knew he was chocking back tears. She couldn't bare to look at him anymore. She heard the door click and immediately tears fell from her eyes. He was right. But She wasn't ready to give up on tommy. Not yet.


	6. Chapter 6

A week had passed since logan and nikkis fight. She had barely seen tommy at that point and she knew they we're drifitng apart. She hoped. Logan and the guys barely made contact with her at that point. She had figured they no longer cared what happened to her. And it upset her. They were her friends after all. Nikki walked down the street toward the local bar she went to when she wanted to catch a game and grab a beer. She opened the door and her eyes landed on him. Tommy. He was sitting next to a blonde haird blue eyed bimbo who forgot that she was in public and should've worn pants. Her heart dropped when she watched tommys lip press against hers. His eyes landed on nicole and widened. He jumped up but it was to late as she had slammed the door shut. How could he do this? Especially to her. Fucking prick.

" NICOLE! NICOLE STOP!" He screamed as she kept up her pace. Suddenly she stumbled and fell against a brick wall. He was angry. She knew that look... it was the look hed give her before a fight. " Its not what it looked liked." he said catching his breath and leaning next to her.

" Oh please, you mouth fucking her wasn't what it looked like?" His eyes narrowed at her.

" It was a kiss." He snapped. " So why don't you go home and calm down and-" He would've finished if her hand hadn't collided forcefully with his cheek. He grabbed it and then turned back to her. Before she knew it, his fist connected with her nose and she yelped as his hand wrapped around her throat, dragging her into the dark alley next to the building. He threw her into the wall, where her head smacked against the bricks. She could feel blood trailing down her neck and she held in a scream. He covered her mouth with his hand and starred into her eyes deeply. " You've got some fucking nerve. Accusing me? Your the little slut that hangs out with 4 guys who don't even give a shit about you. Where are your precious ' Boys' now? Probably home fucking there girlfriends while your all alone. Just like you will always be. Alone. Worthless. And pathetic for staying with me. You knew how bad I was with my anger and yet you chose me over them. Stupid girl. Choose better next time." She could feel her tears mix with blood as he kneed her in the stomach and back handed her on the side of the face. She crumpled to the ground. She watched as he laughed evily and walked back to the pub. She sobbed quietly wincing at the pain in her chest. She went to grab her phone but saw it cracked a few feet in front of her. She groaned and pocketed it, knowing she had to get up.

" He...help." she attemtped to scream but all she got was a whisper. She managed to pull herself, sharp pains coursing through her body as she leaned against the wall . She tried to take a step, but heard a felt a sharp pain shoot through and cursed. She must've twisted her ankle when she fell before. She made it to the lightened street and tried to walk slow. No one was around and she was a block away from home, she knew if she wanted to be alive she had to endure it. She was getting dizzy with each step but she was almost home. She grabbed onto building walls and railings till she got to her front door. She pulled out her key card and scanned it through. Only a few more steps she thought to herself. Blood was gushing from the wound in back of her head, and all she could think of was she hoped someone would be home.

She got into the elevator and pressed her floor. Whimpering as she could feel her body sway. Fight it she said to herself. After what felt like an eternity she heard the ding and doors open. She dragged herself against the walls. Limping and cursing till she finally made it to his door. She knocked in pain, her hands and clothes drenched in her thick crimsion blood. The door swung open and all she heard was a scream.

" Oh my god!" Someone yelled as they grabbed hold of her. She let out a painful yelp and the apologized. " Oh my god what the fuck..." Logan kept going on and on. He placed her on the couch and she could hear him pacing back and forth. " Holy fuck. Nicole... NICOLE! Can you hear me? Nikki please... please answer me. Please." he begged, she could hear his voice shaking.

" yeah." was all she said before he inhaled sharply and helped her up. She could feel him lift her up bridal style and kick open the front door loudly. She gripped him tightly as he ran down the stairs. She heard him call a taxi and slowly got in , not letting her go.

Xxx

" Can you follow my finger?" The doctor said as she nodded and watched his finger back and forth. Logan sat nervously next to her. They had been rushed in fast, and she was given something for the minor concossion forming. He gripped her hand, in fear of letting go and she would die. She was to tierd and to upset to even think of crying right now. " Okay good. Welp, it seems like you have one broken rib, severe internal bruising and a deep gash in back of your head causing the minor concossion. Ill send the nurses in to stich you up, and get you some pain killers. When your ready im going to send in the officer who will get your statement." She nodded not even listening and all she could hear was logans shaky breathing.

"Nikki...why." was all he said before she lifted her hand from his and ran it through his hair. He rested his head on her thigh and gripped her other hand. She knew he was crying. Suddenly she heard loud foot steps, sounding angry and a couple of vicious loud voices that followed. Logan sat up quickly.

" you told them?" She seethed. Suddenly there heads shot to the door.

" WHERE IS SHE-" But james stopped in mid sentence and starred her down. He slowly made his way over to her, everyone stayed back. Logan even backed up a few paces. She merrily sat there as he bent down to her level. Thats when she saw a tear slip over his eyelid and her heart sank. Her selfish stubborn self had hurt not just her but everyone else. He went to go touch her but she flinched. He covered his mouth. " What did he do to you..." He backed up not looking away, he was trying to find some trace of his nikki in this broken shell of a girl. " Im going to fucking kill him." he said dangerously low. He was backing up as if getting ready to spring out of the hospital and to tommys appartment. She jumped up to go after him and screamed out as her ankle clicked.

" James! Ja...James d-don't please-" He shook his head.

" What do you mean james please? Have you looked in the mirror? Do...do you even see what you look like?" She could hear camille and ana softly crying in the back ground. Lucy rubbed carloses back as he held back tears and rage. Kendall simply stood there in shock.

" I..."

" N-No. Nikki...How..why..." He looked to a quietly sobbing logan. " d-did you know about this?" Logan looked down. " DID YOU?"

" DON'T YELL AT HIM!" Nikki screamed causing everyone to jump a bit. " its my fault. I told him if he said anything that I would move in with Tommy." She spat.

" What do you mean?...how long has this been going on?" James pressed on.

" one week-" logan began but nikki interrupted.

" 3 weeks." She said shakely. Logan starred at her in awe.

" Nicole... You lied to me? You said it was one night he came home and was drunk..." logan said hurt. He coverd his mouth and shook his head as camille ran over to him rubbing his back.

" Its my fault-" She started but james held his hand up.

" What was?..." he gestured to all of her. " This? Him beating the shit out of you ...was your fault? Oh my god."

" Nikki?" Someone said from behind them all. Everyone turned to see tommy, red in the face from crying. Within seconds James had tommy in a vice grip against the wall. He slammed him into it repeatedly. Nikki screamed for them to stop, as logan carlos and kendall attemtped to tear the two off each other.

" IM GOING TO FUCKING BURN YOUR DISGUSTING PRICK ASS ALIVE ! BUT FIRST IM GOING TO BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU REPEATEDLY TO MAKE YOU SUFFER JUST LIKE YOU DID TO HER! YOU DISGUSTING PATHETIC EXCUSE OF A HUMAN!" James yelled in rage, nikki had never seen him so angered. Camille and lucy held her back from the fight. She was sobbing uncontrollably.

" JAMES DON'T! HE'S NOT WORTH JAIL TIME FOR!" Nikki screamed as james faught against his friends grips harder. Tommy merrily laughed and wiped the blood from his nose.

" Aww what happened princess? Your friends are too strong for you?" he taunted. Suddenly james growled and ripped from there grip grabbing hold of tommy by the throat. Nikki screamed stop but they ignored her, as kenall managed to stop james once more. Tommy stood up and coughed, soon he sucker punched kendall causing him to stumble back. He got ahold of james shirt and threw one last punch before being torn off him and cuffed by the police officers. James and kendall sat onto the hospital bed holding there bloody noses as the nurses rushed in helping them. Logan took hold of nikki and sat next to her rubbing her back as she sobbed uncontrollably. He hadn't heard her cry like this since james accident. IT scared him, it was such a hollow and alone cry. He shushed her as wrapped her up in the hospital blanket. James , kendall and carlos starred at her heart broken. She was not nikki. She wasn not there nikki. This girl in front of them was a hallow broken shell of what nikki used to be. James sighed and bent down next to her he placed his hands on the side of her face , making her look into his eyes.

" its okay we're here. No ones gonna hurt you now. Okay? Shhh." he said placing his lips on her forehead. She kept shaking as carlos hugged her from behind, resting his head on her back. She thought they had abonded her. She thought they didn't want her anymore. The overwhelming feeling of protection was a relief. She rested her head on james shoulder as she wrapped her arms around his neck, like a child. She burried her face into his neck. " Its okay. Your not alone anymore. I promise." He looked up to a lightly sobbing logan and teared up kendall. She needed them. She needed them and fast.

Xxx

Nikki left the hospital the next day, she was sent home with her minor injuries and was told to get plenty of rest. How exactly that was going to happen is the question considering she had 2 shoots this week. Logan grabbed her bag and helped her into a wheel chair .

" ow shit. Guys you didn't have to take off rehersals to come you know... I could've got it myself." She grumbled as they rolled there eyes.

" Nikki for the 10th time. Family emergenceys are more important." Kendall said into her ear. Her head lawled back and she inhaled.

" You guys are annoying as fuck. Don't think you're going to take care of me and shit for the next week. Cause I swear im going to-"

" Damn nikki do you ever shut the fuck up? Be quiet for once and stop voicing your every thought." Logan said pushing her out the double doors. Carlos laughed as did kendall. But james seemed odd. He kept an unusual distance from her. She eyed him curiously as he stayed quiet behind the boys.

" Hey james can you pick her up and put her in the car? Ill put the top down to make it easier." Kendall said pressing the button in there red convertible they must've barrowed from the studio. James looked hesistant. He stood there as everyone looked at him oddly.

" James?" Logan said waving a hand in front of his face. He rubbed the back of his neck nervously.

" I...I don't know if I can." he said softly. Nikki giggled a bit.

" James, how many times have you picked me up before? I didn't gain weight since then," she held her arms open as he looked at them.

" No I mean... I don't want to...hurt you." he said shakely.

" James... You're not going to hurt me." She insisted. He sighed and slowly scooped her up. She held back a yelp of pain. He must've noticed because he quickly said sorry placing her down in the passanger seat and not looking at her the rest of the ride. When they got home she insisted on walking to the elevator.

" god you are so stubbron." Logan said next to her his arms out in case she fell. She narrowed her eyes at him.

" Bite me." She snapped as she lost balance and he caught her.

" You were saying...?" He smirked. Rolling her eyes she stood up and got her balance. When they got to her appartment, she tossed her bag on the chair and walked into her room pulling up her hair in a pony tail and wincing and whining with every step. The boys sat down at the they saw her door close they all sighed. Logan put his head in his hands , kendall looked at the floor while james ran his hands through his hair and carlos fittled with his thumbs.

" So... what do we do." Carlos asked.

" I have no idea...James?" kendall asked. James merrily shrugged and exhaled heavily.

" Logan... you're closest to her-" James started but was silenced with a glare from logan.

" James. You dated her. Don't even go there. We just... we need a game plan. She can't be left alone. The doctor said it would be to truamadic." he said rubbing the back of his neck. His eyes landed on james as did everyone elses.

" Why are you all looking at me? Do you not remember I have a fiance? She's going ape shit about planning the wedding practically alone already you want her to murder me?" James spat leaning against the fridge.

"Did you tell her yet?"carlos asked guiltily.

" That we set a date last week? Nope. And after this I don't even wanna tell her for a good couple of months."

" James...Your getting married next month. You can't keep it from her any longer."

" Okay enough about the wedding. Lets focus on keeping an eye on her-" he said quietly until he caught nikkis eye as she walked out of her bedroom in her short shorts and tank. The bruises we're even thicker and more apparent. She merrily sighed and grabbed a soda from the fridge and crossed her arms starring at them oddly.

" We're you guys talking about me?" She asked taking a sip. They all looked at each other and back to her.

" No." they said in unison. She scrunched her eyebrows and shrugged walking back into her room and shutting the door once again. They all became quiet again.

" I think she seems fine." Kendall said softly. Suddenly james growled and banged his fist on the table making it jump as well as everyone else.

" GOD DAMN IT. HOW CAN WE BE SO FUCKING CALM ABOUT THIS?" he yelled. They all starred at him. " OUR BEST FRIEND WAS BEING PHYSICALLY ABUSED. AND WE DIDN'T FUCKING SEE IT! SHE WAS PUNCHED HIT AND KICKED FOR GOD KNOWS HOW FUCKING LONG AND WE'RE ALL SITTING AROUND HERE ASKING EACH OTHER WHO'S GONNA STOP BY AND SAY HI IN THE MORNING? NO. THIS IS NOT FUCKING RIGHT. THIS IS NOT FUCKING OKAY. THAT PRICK IS STILL OUT THERE. THE COP SAID THEY RELEASED HIM THIS MORNING-"

" I didn't press charges." Everyones head whipped around to nikki who stood there with a look of determination.

"Why the fuck not?" James pressed on.

" Because. It was a problem. It needs to be fixed in therepy-" He growled again and walked up to her centimeters in front of her face glaring at her with daggers.

" Are you fucking kidding me?" He spat. She stood her ground.

" No im not."

" Nicole, cut the mother theresa act. He laid is hands on you. He fucking hit you and broke you and yelled at you and...And your going to let him walk away?" James asked in disbelief.

" Yes. Because he needs mental help. Jail won't do that for him-"

" GOD DAMN IT NICOLE. STOP. STOP TRYING TO FIND THE GOOD IN EVERYONE. SOME PEOPLE ARE JUST EVIL-"

" THEY'RE IS A REASON BEHIND EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS JAMES-"

" WHAT WAS HIS? THAT HE'S TO PUSSY TO FIGHT A GUY SO HE PICKS ON WOMEN INSTEAD?"

" MAYBE HE WAS ABUSED AS A KID-"

" Nikki...why did you stay with him? If he hit you the firs time... why didn't you just leave? Thats not like you..." Logan asked quietly.

" I don't know because... I...I thought I loved him."

" Were you afraid?" carlos asked. She nodded and inhaled.

" Listen... I can't tell you why I stayed-"

" The officer was telling me people who were abused early on in there life are most likely to end up in an abusive relationship..." Logan said not looknig up. Her breath caught in her throat. He didn't just bring that up. She swore him to secracey. She looked away quickly. James, carlos and kendall shot him a look and then looked back to her.

" Nicole.. is that true?" James tone changed completey. He sounded scared. He sounded ultimately frightened of the answer.

" It was only a couple times-" She whispered. James covered his mouth with his hand, tears threating to spill from his eyes.

" N-No... Nikki please." She didn't make eye contact with any of them but she knew carlos was crying again along with kendall. James made to wrap his arms around her but she flinched. He quickly turned away and walked away from her. Nikki shoots a glare at logan who looks just as upset.

" You promised." She said shakely, tears spilling down her cheeks.

" I know I did. But this...this is to much to promise. You we're getting hurt.I should've went to them as soon as I found out." He said determined. Carlos kendall and james looked up at him.

" You knew about this?" Carlos said in shock. James charged at him.

" You knew she was getting hit and you didn't say anything...?" he asked logan who stood stone still. " ANSWER ME." He said slamming his fist next to logan who still sat still.

" yes. But I if lost her trust... she wouldn't have come to me anymore." He said looking away ashamed. James stood up, not bothering to hide the face he was crying and simple starred at the two in complete shock.

" I can't even look at you two the same after this." He said backing away.

" James-" Nikki said through her tears.

" No. Save it. I just need to … think." He said walking out of the appartment quickly. Nikki slid onto the floor and sobbed as kendall sat down next to her rubbing her back as she sobbed into his shoulder. She thought about everything and how it all fell apart... and instead of breaking piece by piece it blew up like a bomb.


	7. Chapter 7

Nikki starred in her full length mirror eyeing herself. She was thinner then she used to be, her skin was healing thank god and although she could still feel the scar from the gash behind her head she merrily attempted to forget about it all. As if the past couple of months handn't happened. It had been 2 weeks since she was in the hospital and since then she was constantly checked up on. But only by logan carlos or kendall. James was more then upset with her. She couldn't blame him. How could she, when she hid something so serious from one of her best friends? He didn't look at her, talk to her or answer her texts. He was choosing to ignore her presence completely and it started to take its toll on her. She felt like she couldn't catch a break, from the drama that happened with tommy and now with james... it was as if god had it out for her and she wasn't exactly sure why. She sighed and got dressed tieing her hair up in a messy bun and just dabbing on some cover up to hide the darkened circles under her eyes and couple of scratches above her eyebrow.

" Nikki!" Carlos screamed from the front door. She rolled her eyes and suddenly heard feet pounding through the rooms. " SYDNEY NO! DOWN!" Confused she ran out to the living room where a large german shepard dog sat on her couch. She looked from the dog to carlos.

" Who's this?" She asked walking slowly over to the dog. He smiled happily.

" Sydney" he beamed. " Isn't she beautiful? I got her yesterday." He said rubbing her behind the ears. Nikki smiled and sat down next to her and scratched her head. Sydney jumped on her lap and kissed her. Nikki giggled. " Maybe you should get a dog, they make great companions." He said shrugging a bit. Maybe she should, thinkng about how much she probably needed one now that Tommy was out of jail. "We better head out, I have to be back before 3."

" Why?" She asked curiously.

" James needs the guys back for the tux fitting and-Oh shit." Her face paled. Tux fitting? What the fuck does he mean tux fitting? I mean sure james was getting married and all but that means...

" He set a date?" She exclaimed standing up abruptly making sydney bark. Carlos looked down, he knew he did something wrong by slipping.

" Well... he kinda set one last month..." He said rubbing the back of his neck. Nikkis heart sank and she could've broken down and cried. But she chose shock instead.

" When." Was all she whispered.

" Two weeks from this friday." he didn't dare look her in the eye. But he didn't have to because she ran from the appartment down the hall. She stopped in front of logans door and banged on it furiously. Someone through it open and her eyes landed on him,

" You selfish son of a bitch. You knew. And you chose not to tell me?" She yelled at, with each step forward he took one back scared of what might happen next. " HOW COULD YOU?"

" Nikki im sorry-" He started but she growled.

" NO! Your not sorry logan, you of all people KNEW what this would do to me and YOU STILL kept it a secret!" she said viciously. " WE ARE NO LONGER FRIENDS!" She burst and ran from his appartment back into her own. She slammed the door shut before she heard someone bang on it furiuosly. She leaned against it and let them attack the wood, ignoring everyones calls to her. Right now, all she needed was seclusion. From them. From the world. Ignorance wasn't always a good thing but in her case it was best.

Xxxxx

She had marked down the days. And today was the day. Today James Diamond was finally off the market. And she refused to witness it. He had invited her the other night , slipping the invitaion under the door. But she merrily set fire to it and watched the man she loved burn. Who was she kidding? Things were NEVER going to change. She had tried to move on, and clearly that didn't work. She paced around her kitchen, cleaning pretty much every nook and cranny trying to distract herself from the pain that lingered in her chest. There was a knock at her door and she opened it to see haley standing there a small smile on her face.

" Hey you," She said hugging nikki closely and releasing her. " How are you?" She asked curiously.

" Fine im just uhm... cleaning." She said motioning to the kitchen. The aroma of bleach so potent her eyes started to water.

" I can smell- SEE that I can see that uhm." She pulled out a bottle of wine from her bag and smirked. " figured you'd need this more then me." Nikki laughed a bit and put it on the table. "OH and logan slipped this to me last night at the rehersal dinner. Said to get it to you by today, he said he found it on james desk the otherday. Anyways, i've got to , me and carlos are gonna be late and-"

" Wait, hang on. You and carlos?" She asked curiously. Haley blushed a bit.

" He needed a date...and so did I so-"

" Damn, get it in." she said with a playful wink. Haley rolled her eyes.

" You sure you don't wanna go?" Haley asked rubbing her arm sadly.

" Yeah im sure, Go. Carlos is waiting." She said with a smirk, sadness and lonelyness apparent in her eyes. Haley nodded and sighed.

"Yeah your right. Ill bring you back cake." haley said closing the door and leaving nikki to the the envelope. She nervously opened it.

' Dear Nicole,

Although you will never read this, im writing it to let out everything thats been haunting me for years. Its hard to express my feelings in person. You know this from expierience. So im sitting here 2 days before my wedding, writing every last thought about you in my mind on this paper. Why? Because even though I will never admit to it face to face, I will never not have feelings for you. Its killing me to see you so broken. So hurt. Its not you. Its not my nikki. Remember the first night we got together? In england? IT was the most memorable nights of my life. When I made love to you, I felt it from deep within. It was different, I felt complete. Id give anything to feel that with anna, but no matter how hard I try...i will never love her the way I loved- no love you. Everytime I see you, I want to run up to you grab you in my arms and never let you go. Without you, I forget how to smile. Without you I forget why life is worth living. And at night, when I dream of my future, your dressed in white walking down the isle towards me. When Imagine my future, you're in my arms every night. You're playing with our kids, Your growing old with me... Not anna. It scares me to have these feelings. Because I know in 2 days it will never happen...I love you nicole. Always have...always will.'

She sank to the floor , covering her mouth , tears cascading down her cheeks. He loved her. He never stopped. He wanted her. He always would. That son of a bitch. That god damn son of a bitch, she thought viciously. She bit her lip and looked at the clock. She had an hour to get there and stop this. She grabbed her coat and slipped on her boots. She grabbed her keys and threw open the door darting down the hall to the parking garage. She shouldn't be driving in her condition but she needed to get there. She needed to get to him. She wasn't meant to find that letter, but logan made sure she knew how much he still cared for her. She quickly sped in and out of LA traffic, she needed to stop this wedding and fast. She was suddenly cornonred by a bunch of cars in a traffic line that wasn't moving. She only had a half hour left. She quickly grabbed her bag and hopped out of her car, running inbetween cars. People honked at her as she cut through traffic like a track star.

Suddenly She heard a crack of thunder. Not now damn it she cursed in her mind running in front of a converabtle. She felt the rain start to soak through her white sundress. She groaned as her wet curly hair slapped against her face. Suddenly a sharp pain shot through her chest. She grabbed her rib and yelped.

" FUCK!" she screamed. She had 20 minutes to get 3 miles away and with the pain she was in there was no way she was going to make it. Her eyes landed on a horse and buggy, and she immediately smiled. Very clash, but hey. She thought. She ran up to the white horse and smiled petting her for a moment then climbing on the sattle. She hadn't rode a horse in years but she was desperate. She kicked her feet inward and the horse took off down the road. Within 20 minutes she could see the church 5 blocks down. She stopped the horse and pulled to the side tieing him to a lamp post and running through the crowds of people. Out of breath, soaking wet and in pain she manages to reach the large antique church. She slips in unoticed , and notices that no one is in the hall and could hear the priest speaking behind the large double wooden doors.

" Its now or never nicole." She said to herself as she gripped the large handles.

" If anyone wishes to vouch why these two souls should not be joined in holy matromoney Speak now or forever hold your peace-" She heard him say as she kicked open the door, and 500 faces turned to her. But her eyes only land on james and anna.

" Nikki!" Kendall and carlos scream.

" NIKKI!" logan says relieved.

" Nicole what are you doing?" James narrows his eyes at her.

" I can't let you do this." Was all she said before anna growls and drops james hands.

" Watch yourself Sivini..." She said dangerously.

" Do you..." nikki starts but grabs her side in pain and winces. " Do you love her?"

" Nikki-" James starts.

" NO James. YES or NO." She says hurridly. James looks around. His eye land on his friends and family. They knew him all to well. They knew when he was lying. He looked to anna who looked to almost be in tears. " I found the letter." James eyes widen.

" How did you-" He starts but stops immediately when he sees logan shrink behind kendall slightly embarrased.

" Nikki...i.." But she stops him.

" I love you james. I never stopped and I never will." She inhaled attempting to hold back tears. " Anna, Your an amazing girl who deserves to have someone truly love you. And your one of my good friends, but I will fight you everyday and every moment until that man..." She points to james. " Is mine. Because...since I was 10 years old. He was mine. He always has been. He was my first love. And I will never stop fighting to get him back. I made the mistake of letting him leave once. And I will haunt me everyday till I know that you will never love anna the way you loved me james...you know thats true." She said tears once again spilling over her eyes. Anna looked from james to Nikki. She too was in tears but probably from embarrasment.

" James..is that true?" Anna asked shakely. She knew the answer. But everyone including her needed to hear it from his lips.

"Anna-"

" Do you love me like you love her..." anna looked down.

" No. Because I don't think I can ever love anyone the way I love Nicole." he said nervously. He looked around to his friends who we're smiling supportively and back to his family who seemed twice as happy. He walked up to anna. " You are one of the most beautiful, breahtakingly amazing and talented woman i've ever met. And one day your going to find someone who loves you the way I love nikki and the way she loves me. In fact I pray for it. Because What me and nikki have will keep you living day in and day out." He leaned in and kissed her cheek as she bit her bottom lip. She looked to nicole.

" You are one of the luckiest girls I know. Because I should be clawing your eyes out right now...but I know its not your fault how you feel about someone. Same goes for you james." she sobbed. James merrily walked up to nikki. He bent down and pressed his lips to hers. He lifted her up by the waist as she kissed him passionatley running her hands through his hair. He couldn't let this go. He never wanted to.

Xxx

James kicked open nikki's door still hanging on her lower lip and kissing her up and down passionatley. He had just lost thousands on a wedding never truly wanted in the first place, but all he could think about was showing Nikki how much he truly wanted her. He wanted all of her. Everyday of every hour never letting her leave his side.


	8. Chapter 8

James rolled over on his side and his eyes landed on Nikki's peaceful sleeping form. She was beautiful, so angel like when she was resting. He pushed a loose curl from her face and smiled to himself. He may have broken anna's heart, and regretted stringing her on till there wedding, he couldn't bring himself to face the feelings that he had hid for 2 years from everyone. Especially himself. But after nicole burst through those doors two days ago, he's made it his mission to keep her no matter what. Sure she was a stubbron pain in the ass, but she was his pain in the ass. She groaned and flipped over , her bare back facing him. He slowly moved closer to her and wrapped an arm around her waist.

" Can I sleep one night without you watching me?" She said her eyes still closed and smirking.

" nope." He said placing a kiss on her neck. She smiled to herself and flipped over to face him.

" Why is that?"

" because I don't want you get lost again." he said in all seriousness.

" Never." she whispered placing a hand on his cheek. He grabbed it and kissed her palm. He then pulled her ontop of him and she giggled.

" Thats cute, never heard you giggle before. Even our first time dating." he said with a wink. She rolled her eyes and sat up straddling him.

" Don't test my patients diamond." She replied devilishly. He laughed a bit.

" and why not?" She grinded up against him making him moan a bit.

" Thats why not." She whispered seductively in his ear. He bit his bottom lip. God how he loved her voice when she was teasing him. His hands slid under her bum and she laughed a bit. " Oh someone wants it." She said before he flipped her under him. He slowly kissed up and down her bare chest. God she was so beautiful he thought. Her hands ran through his hair as his lips trailed up and down her mid trail then to between her legs. He kissed up and down her thighs making her shift a bit and grabbing ahold of the bed frame. He lifted his head and crawled ontop of her smiling evily. His hand found the arch of her back and he pulled her up. He then slipped himself inside her inch by inch making her knuckles turn white.

" Oh fuck james-" she gasped as he thrusted into her fully making her back arch even more into him. He began to build a rythem , there thighs clapping together. He pressed lips hard to hers and sucked on her bottom lip then bit it slightly. His lips hooked onto her shoulder and he bit down making her nails dig into his back.

" Mmm Fuck baby," he said into her ear. " So tight." He tensed up around her burried his face into her neck as they climaxed together.

He relaxed as he listened to her breathe heavily. When he lifted himself up to stare into her eyes she smiled to him dreamly.

" I love you." he said out of breath pushing the sweaty hair out of her hair. She smiled and pulled him in for a passionate kiss.

" I love you too." She said with a smile. He sat up pulling her up with him and she cuddled into his chest.

" Nicole." he said softly as she looked up at him.

" Mhm." she said running her hand through his hair.

" Will you marry me?" Her face paled. Was he serious? Millions of thoughts swarmed her but then she simply looked into his eyes. He had never been so serious. She searched through him for some sort of dought or spontanious take back but there was nothing. Nothing but pure and true love. " I don't have a ring...and we don't have to announce anything. But I want to know that your mine. No matter what." He said sincerely. She bit her bottom lip. The man she had fought for, the one person she wanted to spend her forever with was asking her to do just that. She inhaled softly and smiled widly nodding her head.

" Y-yes. Oh my god yes yes yes." She said tearing up happily. She rested her forehead on his kissing him passionatly. She saw a tear slip from his eye , in happiness and relief and all she could do was wrap her arms around his neck and hold him as close as possible. She had been waiting years for him to ask her those words. That sentence.

His heartbeat increased as he slipped out the question and watched her ponder a decision. But he knew she was going to say yes. She looked relieved to be asked. Sure he had just broke off a wedding yesterday. But he was not going to let this one slip. Not anymore. Never again. They were now happily stuck together.

Xxxx

" Babe...Baby?...BABBYY!" Nikki screamed into james ear. He jumped up abruptly and glarred at her.

" What do you want nicole?" he yelled rubbing his eyes angrily. She frowned a bit and he sighed. " sorry. I know you hate when I use your full name. Whats wrong."

" Your cell was ringing." She said tossing his iphone to him and jumping off the bed. He watched her drop the towel around her body and walk over to her closet. He smiled a bit shaking his head. He sighed and starred at the clock. 8am. He scrolled through his missed calls. He had litterally taken a week off after the whole wedding thing, secluding himself in Nikki's appartment till anna moved all her stuff out. He couldn't bare to look at her. Logan, kendall and carlos have been calling and texting him non stop for an update or anything to acknowledge he was okay and alive. Little did they know he was litterally down the hall. Nikki was the only one to leave the appartment, going to work or running errands. So he assumed the guys never needed to burst in anymore. His missed call was gustavo. Guess that means his week of freedom was over.

" I think you should at least update that scuttlebutter thing. Just so they know your not out of the country." Nikki said walking back in wearing a black and white sundress and her hair was tied up in a messy bun. James smiled widely, snorting a bit.

" Excuse me beautiful, but who said you get dressed?" She turned on her heel and smirked at him.

" Remember ? Grown ups have things to do today." She said as he got up and stretched. " God james can you at least put boxer briefs on?" She said rolling her eyes and fixing her hair.

" No, I need to seduce my fiance" He kissed her neck " to ...come...Back...To...bed." he said inbetween kisses. She laughed a bit and wrapped her arms around his neck.

" Your fiance needs to get paid. Get dressed." She said patting his bare chest. He sighed and flipped on the tv falling back into the white comforter. " So you watch tv. Okay what ever. I hope they send a fucking search party for you. Remember in england? They called were seconds from calling FBI after 3 days." He made a noise and then noticed a special on big time rush, so he hit up the volume. " Honestly james-"

" SHH!" He waved at her. She made a shocked face.

" Asshole. Don't ever tell me shh again-"

" Baby girl I love you and all but shut up for 5 minutes. IM on tv." She rolled her eyes and threw her flip flop at him. He ignored it.

" Rising boy band Big time rush has announced this morning that they will be doing a 60 date tour starting in 2 weeks. Although James Diamond is still MIA right now from his recent break up with his fiance anna, they still confirmed the tour will be going on, And James will be joining them." He turned off the tv and rubbed his face.

" Ouch. Harsh." Nikki said sitting next to him.

" This isn't fair. I feel like all we do is tour and I just got back together with you-"

" James. Shut up and go on tour. Ill go with you. Whether they like it or not im kind of attached at your hip now." He laughed a bit.

" You make that sound like its a bad thing." he said resting his forehead on hers. She gave him a quick kiss.

" James. Go see your friends. For me." She said standing up and leaving him with a saddened look. He liked this world. This world on consisted of him and nikki. That was all he needed. He watched her walk out the door and sighed. He disappeared like this last time they first got together. And it caused to much drama. He got up and stretched once more petting fox as he jumped in the shower.

Xxx

James awkwardly stood in front of logans door. He was hesitant to knock the feeling of de ja vu creeping up slowly. Swallowing his pride he knocked a couple times immediatley regretting it as logan opened the door nonchalantly.

" Hey james." He said before walking back to the kitchen area, fixing himself some fruit.

" Logan..." James asked cautiously preparing for the outburst.

" IM not going to yell. So if thats what your preparing for its not gonna happen. Well not from me. Gustavos a different story." James pursed his lips awkwardly and rocked back and forth.

" So..." He said softly.

" I suspect you used protection?" Logan snorted not looking up.

" What?"

" Oh please james, I know you've been hiding in her appartment for the past week. She had the ' I just had amazing sex and I want more' look on every morning." logan said rolling his eyes.

" SHE DOES NOT HAVE A FACE LIKE THAT AFTER WE HAVE SEX-...crap."

" So... are you ready for tour? OH no wait. You've been to busy...doing Nikki to realize we had a meeting monday." James looked down blushing. Logan snorted.

" Do the other guys-"

" Nope."

" Why didn't you tell them?" He said looking up a bit.

" Because james. You and nikki needed time together. It was clear that you two have been ignoring each others feelings for one another too long. And thank god she came when she did cause me kendall and carlos were about to interrupt." he said placing a hand on james shoulder. James smiled to logan sincerely.

" I guess you're right." He said rubbing the back of his neck.

Xxx

James walked into rehersal that day logan standing next to him, ready to defend his friends honor if needed. Everyones head shot up when they saw him standing there.

" James!" Carlos said running over to him and giving him a brotherly hug, kendall following.

"Well, Look who decided to join us." Gustavo said crossing his arms. James shrunk back waiting for the explosion. But it never came. Even kelly was shocked. " IN FORMATION DAWGS! NOW!" Oh yup there it was. They all lined up as he examined them. " Now that I have you all here. WE WILL BE LEAVING FOR TOUR. IN EXACTLY 2 WEEKS. UNTIL THEN, REHERSALS FROM 6am to 9pm GOT IT?"

" Ugh, gustavo come on-" Kendall started but gustavo walked right up to him and narrowed his eyes challangeing him to finish the sentence.

" BE HERE." he yelled as kendall rolled his eyes. James smiled to himself. He didn't mind the hours. Performing was his passion. But at the same time, that meant less time with nikki. And they had just gotten back together...and engaged secretly. He wondered if she would be going on tour with them. With all the thoughts bombarding his head, he didn't realize gustavo had stopped talking and everyone was starring at him as if waiting for an answer to something.

" What?" He asked uncomfortable.

" I asked if you were paying attention...CLEARLY YOUR NOT!" Gustavo thundered.

" Can I bring fox?" He asked with an innocent smile. Gustavo looked taken aback.

" You want to bring your dog?...on tour...?" James nodded

"IF JAMES BRINGS FOX I WANNA BRING SYDNEY!" carlos said excitedly

" FINE THEN YUMA GETS TO COME!" Kendall poking in. Logan just stood there.

" FINE THE DAWGS CAN BRING THERE DOGS!" gustavo threw his hands up in defeat.

" OR PIG!" kendall corrected.

" Can we get a break now?" Logan asked fidgetting .

" WE JUST STARTED-"

" Yeah but Im hungry." carlos whined.

" And nikki needs me..." James said antsy to leave by inching to the door.

" YOU JUST GOT HE-...fine. Go GET OUT OF MY FACE. REHERSALS START TOMORROW. Don't be late, don't be tierd and DON'T BE HUNGRY!" He screamed rubbing his temples. All four boys grabbed there bags and darted for the door. James spotted nikki texting and walking down the hall toward them. He smiled widely and ran straight for her.

" NIKKI!" He screamed as he tackled her to the ground as her phone went flying. She groaned and punched his chest.

" ASSHOLE! THAT HURT!" She said angrily. He smirked and pressed his lips to hers. " No go to hell im pissed at you-hey guys!" She said getting up and hugging logan, kendall and carlos.

" Your mean." James said with mock hurt. " But I think we should get out of here before gustavo changes his mind and calls us back in there!" He said grabbing his gym bag once more and lifting nikki over his shoulder and following the guys to the elevator.


	9. Chapter 9

James rolled over on his back and groaned as he alarm went off. He glanced at the clock. It was 9am and way to early. He had barely gotten sleep last night because he was overly thinking everything he packed for tour today and the night mare he had at around 2. He couldn't really explain the feeling he had when he shot up in bed soaked in sweat but it was the scariest thing he'd ever expierienced. He looked next to him and found the bed empty except for fox. Nervous he quickly threw off the covers and sped into the kitchen, stumbling on some clothes, looking for Nikki. She stood in the kitchen , in skinny jeans, a tank and her black victoria secret hoodie. She sipped at her coffee as she watched the tv from the living room. She turned to james and starred at him oddly.

"Whats wrong baby? You look scared." She asked putting her coffee down. He inhaled and exhaled shaking his head.

" Sorry. I just uhm.. I thought you. Nevermind, You made coffee? I love you-" But she cut him off by placing her hands on his face looking at intently.

" You thought what?" Fuck he thought.

" I uhm...i just thought you left. Thats all." He said shaking his head.

" Sweetheart, why would I leave? Im worried about you. You woke up at like 1." She said pushing his hair back. He loved when she did that.

" No nothing. It was a nightmare." He picked up her coffee.

" about?" She persissted. Clearly she wasn't going to give up so he leaned against the counter and put down his mug.

" I just had a dream that you...that you left and I never saw you again."

" James, why would I ever do that?" He shrugged and refused to look at her embarrased his subconcious would ever come up with something so evil. Suddenly he felt her warm hands on his cheeks and he smiled down to her. " Im never going to leave you. Im way to in love which ultimately means im stuck and couldn't leave if I wanted." He laughed and wrapped his arms around her waist, lifting her up on the counter. He kissed her passionatly, slipping his hands under her shirt and sliding up and down her smoothe skin.

" BUS IS HERE!" logans voice boomed through the appartment. James and nikki jumped at the same time.

"LOGAN! GOD DAMN IT KNOCK!" She yelled back jumping off the counter storming over to him. James laughed a bit and grabbed 2 to go cups pouring what was left of the coffee into them. " I COULD'VE BEEN NAKED!"

" But your not so!" Logan argued back. James rolled his eyes and then tore off his boxerbreifs. Now that nikki was his women again he had to defend her honor and the barging in thing, was getting annoying. So pretending he had not heard logan, he quickly walked into the living room non chalantely.

" Nik, Where did you put my hair wax?- Oh hey logie bear" He said tossing his hair over his eye.

" OH DUDE WHAT THE FUCK!" Logan said shielding his eyes. Nikki turned around and giggled loudly.

" James, its in the bathroom. Now that you've scarred pour logan..go get dressed we can finish on the bus." She said with a devilish wink. James laughed and walked back inside leaving logan to attempt to escape the appartment with his eyes closed. Nikki rounded the cornor and leaned against the doorframe watching james zip up the rest of there stuff.

"Thank you baby." She said softly. He smiled and looked up at her.

" Of course. The only fights your ever going to loose are the ones with me about crap im wrong about anyway." He said with a smirk. She rolled her eyes and walked over to him, laying back on the bed.

" How comfortable are those beds on the bus?" She said her eyes closing again. He laughed and crawled ontop of her slowly.

" Ikea soft my love." She laughed and pushed him off sitting up and yawning.

" Okay, well lets pack up and go. Come on fox." She called to the over exerted puppy who was jumping up and down in his cage.

Xxx

They loaded everything onto the bus and walked on. Not even looking around first, nikki groaned as she crawled into a bottom bunk. James laughed and tossed his over night bag underneath and squeezed in next to her, wrapping an arm around her waist and cuddling into her.

" Ew. Gross. Can I switch buses?" carlos pleaded.

" Nope!" Logan and kendall said next to him as they helped him with his stuff.

" But but-"

" carlos, One couple doing it at night, or two couples doing it and acting cutesy at night." Logan asked him crossing his arms.

" Nevermind ill stay." He rolled his eyes and fell on the couch next to sydney.

" Don't worry carlos we won't do it while your awake or in the bus." James mummbled. He groaned fell into a pillow. Nikki punched james in the arm and laughed a bit.

Xxx

James opened his eyes to see they were in already in vegas. He smiled a bit when he saw nikki cuddled up In a ball with fox. He quietly rolled out of the bunk and walked into the living area. He saw carlos sitting at the computer sydeny by his feet.

" hey bud, Sleep well?" Carlos said fist bumping him.

" yeah, I needed it. I was dead from last night." James said rubbing his face with his hands and going through the cubboards for cereal. He grabbed a box and sat down across from carlos.

" What was last night?" carlos smirked and raised his eyebrows.

" Not that" James said rolling his eyes. " I had a nightmare." Carlos starred at him oddly. " what?"

" James...what would you have a nightmare about?" carlos said crossing his arms.

" I don't know it was weird. It was about nikki." He quieted down and leaned in, carlos followed.

" What about nikki?"

" I don't know. I just I...i dreamnt I woke up and she wasn't in bed and...and then I walked into the kitchen. And she was sitting on the counter. Her face was all cut up and bruised. Like when we saw her at the hospital.." He trailed off shuddering and looking down trying to forget it. He felt carlos hand on his shoulder.

" Its okay. I understand."

" But...but why would I think about something like that?"

" Your subconcious. It knows how traumatized you were. And things like that can't be unseen. Its always going to be there dude. You just have to learn to keep it at bay..." He looked over to nikki's small sleeping form and back to james. " Especially for her sake." James nodded in agreemeant.

Xxxx

The bus stopped and james jumped off stretching, carlos behind him.

" FRESH AIR!" James said happily taking it in. He heard someone groan and saw nikki standing at the top of the bus stairs leaning agains the door. She had her large sunglasses hiding her tierd eyes. " Oh wake up." She shook her head. He rolled his eyes. She held out her arms.

" Nicole what are you 5 ? Im not giving you a piggie back ride." he said crossing her arms. He was her bottom lip pop out and he sighed as she giggled and jumped on him tightening her grip around his neck.

" Thank you baby." she mummbled in his ear under her hood. He laughed a bit and grabbed ahold of her thighs, scooting her up on his hips.

"You wanna shower first?" he asked to her as they walked toward the hotel.

" We need to save water. This planets in danger." She whispered seductively. James snickered.

"agreed." he said quickening his pace to the room. They ran into the lobby to the desk and grabbed the key from logan's hand. " THANKS BRO!" James screamed dropping nikki on the ground and she snatched the card from james who laughed. They waved as they jumped on the elevator down the hall.

" GUYS! WE'VE GOT A HALF HOUR BE BACK HERE OR GUSTAVO'S GOING TO -kill us." Logan said as the elevator door closed on them. He rolled his eyes.

" HALF HOUR IS PLENTY FOR US THANKS!" James yelled behind the closed door.

" Seriously...how many times a day can they do it?" Carlos said in disbelief. Logan put his fingers in his ear and made a noise as did kendall.

Xxx

Nikki jumped ontop of james as he pressed his lips to her hard. She moaned as he walked down the hall, Nikkis legs firmly wrapped around his waist, not letting her go for a second. He found the room and slipped the card in, kicking the door open and then shutting it quick. Nikki jumped down and tore off her shirt quickly and then grabbed hold of james vneck, tossing it to the ground, only taking breaks inbetween to catch there breath. She grabbed hold of james chest with her hands and threw him onto the bed.

" God your sexy when you take control." he said with a smirk. She raised her eyebrows.

" am I now?" She said with an evil grin digging her nails in his chest. He moaned as she straddled him with her knees and kissed up and down his chest. Suddenly his phone rang and she sighed.

" seriously?" She said groaning and laying down on him. He sighed and grabbed his phone looking at a text from logan who was saying that they only had 15 minutes.

" logan said we only have 15 minutes, come on babe lets go shower." He said sitting up. Nikki slowly got off of him and slipped out of her other clothes walking to the large stand in shower. James followed her and walked into the hott water with her. He watched her shampoo her hair and close her eyes. After washing up she offered to wash his back and he obliged , kissing up and down his spine. James turned to her and she starred up at him curiously.

" You know I love you right?" She was slightly taken aback and laughed a bit.

" james, Of course i-"

" No Nicole, You know I would never hurt you right? Ever." He said cupping her face with his hands. She nodded vigoursly.

" Sweetheart your scaring me, Where is all this coming from? Is it from the nightmare you had last night?" She looked at him worriedly. He shook his head.

" Yeah but thats doesn't matter now okay? I love you." He said placing a kiss on her forehead. She nodded and pressed her lips to his.

" I love you two okay?" He nodded as she grabbed a towel and walked out.

He watched her tie her long hair up in a messy bun and reapply her makeup as he slipped on his boxerbreifs and skinny jeans. He sat on the bed and watched her some more. He felt mezmorized by her, and how strong she can be after everything she's gone through. She was so strong, and so beautiful and smart. He never really took the time to admire her.

" Why are you looking at me like that?" She asked turning red a bit. He shook his head and muttered Sorry getting up. " come on, before your boss has a heart attack." She mummbled taking his hand and walking out of the door.


	10. Chapter 10

**1 Month Later**

Nikki sat on the couch in the living room area of the tour bus. She sipped her tea and watched james sleep across from her. He was so peaceful when he slept. She smiled as she heard him let out a snore. He hadn't slept in awhile because of some nightmare he kept having. He'd wake up at 2 every morning and not be able to fall back asleep. Carlos was worried as well, usually hed stay up with james and talk. But tonight nikki chose to stay up instead. She wanted to be the person he ran too when he needed something. After all, they we're going to be married. Married, wow. It was so weird for her to think that almost 3 years ago she had come to LA, with her dreams of being a dancer, and she ended up in a play about marilyn monroe, then went to london to film an Indie Film about it...The total shock of it all. Then James and her got together and ended it all so quick. She shuddered at the thought. That night they had been the worst one of her life.

_Flashback:_

_Nikki slammed the door shut, seething with anger._

" _WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM NOW?" James screamed behind her. She turned on her heel and starred him down._

" _YOU ARE MY PROBLEM! WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS HOME SO LATE HUH ? DON'T TRY AND COVER IT UP EITHER!" she said backing him into a wall. His eyes narrowed at her._

" _ME? YOUR GOING TO LECTURE ME ABOUT LYING? WHAT ABOUT YOU! I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO STOP DRINKING! BUT CLEARLY THAT WAS A BULLSHIT!"_

" _DON 'T YOU DARE SAY THAT TO ME YOU SELFISH PRICK! DON'T FUCKING LIE TO ME ABOUT WHERE YOU GO! I SAW YOU ASSHOLE! I SAW YOU AT THE CLUB WITH KENDALL AND LUCY!" James rolled his eyes and crossed his arms._

"_IM SORRY IS IT ILLEGAL FOR ME TO GO OUT AND HAVE A GOOD TIME?" Nikki growled and threw her plate into the sink making it shatter._

" _YEAH JAMES IT FUCKING IS. IT IS WHEN I ASK YOU WHERE YOUR FUCKING GOING FOR THE NIGHT AND YOU LIE TO ME!" She yelled into his face. _

"_OH GOD BECAUSE YOU HAVE BEEN SO FUCKING TRUTHFUL? MAYBE YOU SHOULD GO TO REHAB ALREADY AND LEARN TO STOP BEING SO GOD DAMN PARANOID!" James said slamming his fist into the table. Her face fell immediately. One look and he knew what he had just said could not be taken put his face in his hands. " Nikki im-"_

_" Get the hell out." She said in a dangerously low tone, tears spilling over her eyes. He looked up guilt taking over his features. " Take your shit and the fuck out of my life." She walked into there bedroom slamming the door shut once more making the pictures on the wall shake and fall to the ground shattering everywhere. He sighed._

" _What did I just do." He said sadly rubbing his face and walking to the bedroom. He could hear her sobbing from behind the door and felt his heart even bothering to tell her he was leaving, he grabbed his computer and cell walking out of the door. _

_Nikki leaned her back against the door and slid down into fetal position. How could he say that? How could he even think something like that? She wasn't an alcholic. She was confused, alone and scared. The man she loved kept shunning her away, lying to her and she prayed he never cheated. Something like that would tear her apart._

_End_

She shook her head trying to get rid of that thought. It was to scary to even consider reliving.

She put her glass down and heard someone whimper a bit. She starred at james as he tossed and turned under his blanket. She could see beads of sweat forming on his brow line and she sighed. She walked over and sat next to him placing a cold hand on his forhead. He visibly relaxed and slowly opened his eyes.

" Its okay baby, it was just a dream." She said softly. He shook his head and sighed. He made to sit up and she scooted over so he could. He laid his head on her shoulder and she played with his hair.

" Im so tierd though." He said quietly.

" I know babe." she said pressing her lips to his forehead and he smiled to her.

" So...Where do you want to get married? You never told me?" He said taking her hand in his and intertwining his fingers in hers. She smiled and looked over to the sleeping carlos. Thank god he chose to wear headphones to bed now a days. She looked to james who was starring up at her hopefully.

" I don't know. I don't really care , just as long as I marry you." He laughed and she felt him slip his hand around her waist.

" How about a beach?" he suggested.

" Oh that sounds pretty. Maybe like maui or something." He nodded exctiedly.

" I could see you in a really pretty white dress, with your hair all curled and a big tiger lily in your hair." He said pushing her hair out of her face. She gripped his hand tightly and looked into his eyes.

" and when would this happen? We haven't even told anyone were engaged yet." He Looked down. She knew it wasn't his fault. In fact he hadn't told anyone because he feared the media would go apeshit on the entire band for being back in a relationship within such a short amount of time. " James it's fine. I don't care-"

" No you're right. People already knew I broke up with anna for you anyway. We might as well tell them." He said sadly.

" Babe, we don't have to rush-"

"No. No you're right. Its not right. I have nothing to hide. Tomorrow. We're telling them tomorrow." Nikki frowned. Tomorrow now felt llike D-Day. An engagement should be a happy thing, not a bombshell.

Xxxxx

James nervously paced around after there concert, they were doing an encore in 5 minutes, and without telling anyone he was going to re-propose to Nicole on stage. Most media channeles were there as this was there sold out Madison Square Garden show. James felt his back pocket for the ring he had baught her. He wasn't even this nervous proposing to anna, but Nikki was a whole different ballgame. He guessed it was because of the way he loved her. Logan kendall and carlos all starred at him worriedly.

" Dude, are you okay?" Kendall asked fixing his glove. " you've been walking in circles for the past 5 minutes." James nodded not looking up.

" Yeah no, im fine." He said brushing it off, suddenly the lights in the stadium went down and cheers erupted once more.

" Show time." Logan said stretching a bit. James turned to see nikki smiling back at him from the side stage and he waved to her and she blew a kiss back. If he wasn't sure before, looking at her now made him confirm what he was about to do was exactly the right thing. The four ran out on stage earning more and more squeals. Logan kendall and carlos all took there spots as james just stood there. Now or never. Everyone starred at him. As he put the mic up to his lips.

" HELLO NEW YORK!" james screamed. Logan carlos and kendall all looked up at him.

" Dude what are you doing?" Carlos said covering his mic.

" James-" Logan started.

" SO! AS EVERYONE KNOWS, IM IN LOVE!" The boys all looked to each other then back at james. " SOMEONE VERY SPECIAL TO ME THAT HAS BEEN MY LIFE SINCE I WAS 10 BUT WE REUNITED 3 YEARS AGO, IS CURRENTLY STANDING SIDE STAGE RIGHT NOW," He looked over to nikki whos eyes were wide mouthing ' What the hell are you doing?'. " WE DATED 3 YEARS AGO, BROKE UP AND STILL STAYED FRIENDS. WHY? BECAUSE WE WERE NEVER MEANT TO BE APART. IVE LOVED HER SINCE I SAW HER WALK BACK INTO MY LIFE THAT DAY IN THE PALMWOODS. AND IM GOING TO LOVE HER TILL I TAKE MY LAST BREAHT ON THIS EARTH." Everyone screamed loudly throwin there hands up. " NIKKI, WOULD YOU JOIN ME ON STAGE PLEASE?" Nikki paled as someone pushed her out towards the stage. She nervously walked up to james whos hand was extended.

" James!" kendall snapped. James stood nikki in the middle.

" Stand here, Okay." He turned to the crowd and then got down on one knee. Her jaw dropped and she covered her mouth. He put the mic to his lips. " Nikki, I've loved you forever. And denying what we had was a complete mistake, because loosing you killed me inside. I Love you so much, and nothing will tear us from one anothers arms again." He grabbed the ring from his pocket and held it out to Nikki. Everyone went quiet. Gustavo and kelly were shocked into awe on the side stage. Kendall logan and carlos simply starred.

" Y-Yes. Yes james Ill marry you." She chocked out. James smile grew as he pushed the saphire encrested diamond onto her ring finger and threw down his mic. He picked her up and kissed her passionatly. Suddenly the screaming and cheering started up again.

Xxxx

" WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?" logan said bursting through james dressing room door. Nikki looked down, not wanting to become apart of the fight. James starred at him oddly.

" What do you mean?" he asked sipping his water.

" WHEN THE HELL WE'RE YOU GOING TO TELL YOU WERE GOING TO PROPOSE?" kendall continued crossing his arms.

" OR THAT YOU WERE GOING TO DO IT TONIGHT! DURING OUR ENCORE?" Carlos finished. James shrugged.

" I don't know I wanted surprise everyone. Besides we still performed right?" He said falling next to nikki on the couch , wrapping a protective arm around her.

" James do you not realize, the press is going to tear us apart now?" logan pressed on.

" Let them. Why should I hide this? Im in love with her, we've been engaged for a month or so anyway...oops." He cursed under his breath as nikki groaned next to him.

" IM SORRY REWIND FOR A SEC, DID YOU JUST SAY YOU'VE BEEN ENGAGED FOR A MONTH?" Logan said crossing his arms, the fire in his eyes flared.

" Or so...We've been engaged for a month OR SO."

" OH SHIT MY APOLOGIES. AND DURING THAT MONTH...OR SO WHEN WE'RE YOU GOING TO TELL YOUR BEST FRIENDS?" Logan gestured to the now fuming carlos and kendall. James sighed.

" I wanted it to be a surprise." He said rubbing the back of his neck.

" Oh well then. Surprise. Thanks for the information ' Best friend'." Carlos said turning his back and walking out slamming the door shut. Nikki jumped at the loud bang and watched the rest of the fight unfold.

" Dude you could've at least warned us-" Kendall snapped.

" THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE A HAPPY THING EVENT!" James roared and every backed away not expecting got up and put a hand on his shoulder. " STOP TRYING TO CONTROL MY GOD DAMN LIFE GUYS. I CAN TAKE CARE OF MYSELF!" He walked out out the door slamming it so hard nikki heard the wood crack. Logan and kendall starred at her.

" He's right you know. You need to learn to stop controlling him. Thats why he rebels so much." She said shrugging.

" Your shitting me right? Nicole I have nothing to say to you. IM your best friend and you couldn't even tell me that you were engaged? Not even ME?" Logan's voice echoed hurt along with the broken stare he gave her. She bit her lip.

" No. Because we wanted to surprise you guys. But clearly that was a bad idea." She said walking out after james. How could they do this? How could they be so uncaring about this? What was fighting going to do? It already happened. She ran down the hall in search of her angry fiance.

" Have you seen james?" she asked ever other stage hand. They all shrugged or shook there head. She tried calling him 15 times already but no answer. Sighing she walked onto there bus and found carlos on his computer.

" Have you seen james?" He didn't look up. She shook him and he merrily glared at her. " Oh please carlos, not now. Have you seen him?"

" No. And I don't want to. And im moving onto kendall and logans bus by the way." She rolled her eyes and bit her lip. He needed to cool off she thought and walked back onto the bus not thinking anything of it. He'd show up eventually. She prayed.


	11. Chapter 11

Carlos laid on the couch flipping through the channels bored. Nikki paced back and forth calling anyone she knew trying to find where the hell james had disappeared to. It was 3 am and he had yet to come back from storming off.

" No...no thank you...okay bye." Nikki hung up her phone and growled. That was the 8th person and she had yet to hear anything. She had no one to call considering all the people she'd ask for help from are pissed through the roof at them. Suddenly her phone buzzed and an unknown number appeared. She quickly answered it walking toward the back so she wouldn't let carlos hear.

" Hello?" She asked nervously.

" Hi is this ms...Ms. Sivini?" A young male on the phone asked.

" Yes."

" Hi, yes, we have your fiance here at the St Margret-Mary Hospital, It seems theres been in accident, Nothing extreme but if you can come in and-"

" Ill be right there." was all she said before she hung up fast, fearing to here the rest. She grabbed her chest as she felt her heart stop for a moment. She gasped and looked toward the door. She needed to go. She needed to go right now without stopping. She grabbed her bag, not carring she had no make up on and her long hair was a mess. She bounded past carlos who called out to her. Apparently she was crying but didn't notice. She grabbed a pair of keys from the drawer and ran down the lot to one of the black escalades parked next to the busses. She jumped in and tossed her back on the passanger seat. She felt her phone buzz once more and saw the name ' carlos'. She ignored it as she pulled out, burning rubber and sped down the road, not really knowing where she was going, so she quickly grabbed her phone and typed in the hospital name. Suddenly her GPS took control and directed her. She ignored the 10 calls and texts from the guys. They didn't need to know. Not right now.

After 10 minutes she spotted the large hospital and felt herself get light headed, preparing for the worst. He said it was nothing to serious. But she didn't know what that meant. It could mean anything. He could've gotten into another car accident, and it wasn't serious scarring but he could have a concussion or something...NO she thought. Her thoughts were terrorizing her more then nesscary. She pulled into and parked wherever, jumping from the car. She bounded through the automatic double doors up to the nurses desk.

" Im looking for James Diamond." She stuttered a bit due to being out of breath and nerves. One of the nurses turned to her and went a bit pale. " Can you please tell me where he is...PLease." She begged. The nurse nodded without a word and took her down the hall.

" It looks worse then it is id just take it easy-" The nurse started but nikki pulled open the curtain to see james sitting up with an ice pack over his head. She covered her mouth and walked over to him slowly. She sunk to the ground in front of him. She reached out and took the ice pack from him and spotted the deepening black and blue gash that looked as deep as bone.

" Baby what...what did you do?" She said softly brushing hair from his face.

" Fight." Was all he murmered before flinching. She looked away quickly wiping her face.

" Oh james...w-why? Why would you do that?" She said once again fearing the answer. He shrugged and closed his eyes. Nikki looked up at the nurse, and doctor who just arrived.

" He should heal fine in a couple of weeks. Just some serious cuts and a few bruises. He should be okay, the one on his forehead is going to need to be changed constantly though. Ill get you some stuff for it. He can go home tonight. Just make sure to keep an eye on him while he sleeps for the next couple of nights. Just in case." the doctor said writing something down on the small pad. IT was pain killers and gauze for his wound. James wouldn't look up. " Its a good thing that he had to come in because of that fight though..."

" Excuse me?" Nikki asked him looking confused.

" Well, any longer in that bar and he would've been in here for alcohol poisoning. Anyway, those pills 2 times a day with food. And good luck to you both." they both walked away and nikki chocked back a cry looking back at james. He stood up not looking her in the eyes.

"Come on lets just go." He said taking her hand and leading her out of the double doors. She was too in shock to speak. She pulled her hand out and walked to the black escalade and hopped in. He got in the passanger side and she simply sat with her hands on the wheel starring into space. " Im sorry." he said taking off the ice pack. She didn't look at him.

" James. Its okay-"

"no its not." He said slamming his fist into the dashboard. She jumped and he sighed.

" Yes it is."

" You don't get it do you? Everything I do , is a fucking screw up to them. Everything. I can never get it right. I shouldn't be around you if all I do is fucking..." He trailed off looking out the window.

" If all you do is what james? What?" She persisted.

" if all I do is be a fuck up." She grabbed his face, not caring if she hurt him or not.

" James. Don't you dare. You are not a fuck up."He tried to turn away but she locked her wrists.

"James David Diamond. Look me in the face and listen to me. You are not a fuck up. You are the best thing ive ever had happen to me."

" Do you promise?" She nodded vigoursly, letting her tears fall a bit more.

" Yes. Yes I swear to god." She kissed his forhead and let him go. They started the drive back.

Xx

They pulled into the lot, and she could see the guys standing by her and james and carlos's bus. She exhaled. They had called her 35 times and texted her 50 times since she ran off. She parked and looked to james who was just as solemn as she was.

" So...whats the plan?" He asked looked at her desperately. She glanced in her rearview and sighed.

" Face the music. Come on before they tear apart the car with there teeth." She popped open the door and saw the boys heads shoot in there direction. James immediately ran to her side and intertwined there fingers.

" Lets do this." He said inhaling and wincing. She turned to him one last time, taking in his scared up face and arms. He caught her looking and smirked. " You shoulda seen the other guys."

" guys? Oh james-"

" Tell you later." They walked slowly back to the tour bus. It looked like a throwdown about to occur. But as they got closer to the three boys, there faces distorted into one of fear, then concearn then guilt. Then all of them together. Carlos ran up to him first.

" J-James what happened?" He asked weakly.

" So now your talking to me ?" James snapped walking right past them and into the bus, still pulling nikki behind him. They followed them up.

" Dude...what...what did you do." Kendall said as james fell onto the couch slowly wincing once more.

" James you need to go to a doctor-" logan started.

" Save it. I was at the hospital for an hour." he said closing his eyes and laying back.

" What happened?" Logan asked again looking at his cuts and looked up at nikki for an answer and she merrily looked away.

"I got into a fight." James muttered not opening his eyes.

" A fight? Why?" Carlos chimed in.

" You better not let gustavo see you like this. How are you going to perform next week?" Logan scolded him standing up and crossing his arms.

" Why do you even care?" James turned his head away from them. Nikki sank down next to him and pushed the hair from his face.

" because, your our friend, why wouldn't we care?" Carlos asked nonchalantley.

" You didn't seem to care when I proposed to nikki on stage. You didn't seem to care when nikki asked you for help to look for me."

" James-" Logan started.

" James what? Why must you guys always pick a fight with me?" He got up slowly and walked to the back of the bus shutting the door. They made to go back there but nikki stopped them.

" He needs to calm down. Hes been through enough today, I don't think fighting and lashing out is going to do any good." She said ushering them away from the door. They all looked down and got off the bus. They knew she was right, and they knew deep down james was also right. All they did was fight with him, and lecture him on right and wrong. It was hard to think that he was moving forward in life quicker then they were. James was always the player and ladies man, and back then they would be hysterical if they found out that he'd be the first to get married and have a life.

Xxxx


	12. Chapter 12

It had been a month and tour was finally over. Nikki couldn't handle being on a bus anymore and just wanted to sleep in her own bed. She spotted there building and james smiled to her.

" Home sweet home." He said kissing her softly. She laughed a bit as the bus stopped and she grabbed her luggage. They got off the bus and walked to there apartment. When they walked through the door they threw there stuff down and released fox who was barking like crazy. Nikki laughed and rolled her eyes. James wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her neck.

" God it feels awsome to be home." He said turning her around and wrapping her legs around his waist. He carried her into there bedroom and dropped her making her giggle as he fell next to her. He turned to her.

" Maybe we should start planning our wedding now , what do you think?" Nikki turned her head to him with a smile.

" I like the sound of that." She said rolling ontop of him.

" How about after the wedding?" He said with a playful wink. She laughed a bit rolled her eyes.

" What about after the wedding?" James sat up, nikki still straddling his lap.

" I mean you know, a house... of our own... And some kids..." He trailed off. She smiled a bit and kissed him passionately.

" That sounds like the perfect future with you." She said quietly. James shrugs.

" yeah I know it is." Nikki slaps him playfully and kisses him passionately, falling back ontop of him.

Xxxx

1 month later

Nikki walked into there bedroom biting into a strawberry, holding a wedding magazine. Her eyes never left the page until she heard someone rustling around in the closet.

" James?" She saw a black suitecase on the bed her face paled. "J-James?" She called a bit more weakly. James poked his face out of there closet and quickly rushed over to her.

" Gustavo wants us to do a quick trip to New York, plane leaves in 2 be back monday okay?" He said kissing her forhead and then tossing his stuff into the bag. She frowned.

" But...we were going to look at flower arrangements. The weddings in 3 months james- all we have is a venue and a date." She said depressed. James looked up and walked over to her, taking her hands in his.

" I know baby, don't worry everything will be okay. Haley and Camille and Lucy will help you!" He said holding her close. She looked up at him. " Okay so haley and camille will help you, but still!"

" James I don't even have a dress..." She said sinking into the bed. He narrowed his eyes in concentration and suddenly brightened up.

" I think I have an idea." He grabbed his phone and texted someone. " Come to New York with me." Nikki looked at him oddly.

" James what are you talking about?"

" You can buy your dress there!" He said intertwining there fingers. She frowned. " Or not...Whats wrong?"

" Nothing I just...I just wish you didn't have to go." She said saddened a bit. James lifted her face to look at his.

" Im asking you to come with me. Besides i-" His phone buzzed and he smiled wickedly. " You might wanna re-think not coming to NY."

" Why's that?"

" Because I just got you an appointment at Klienfeld." He said winking. Her face dropped. Klienfeld? That was one of the most expensive and booked up wedding dress stores in the country.

" How the hell did you manage that?" She sais grabbing his phone looking at the text. He grabbed it back and pocketed it, wrapping his arms around her waist.

" I have my ways." He said pressing his lips to hers. She rolled her eyes and accepted his answer without another word.

Xxxx

When they arrived at The Tribeca Grand Hotel, everyone checked in and headed up to there rooms. Nikki silently took in her surroundings. She wasn't used to the 5 star treatment so the fact that room looked bigger then the presidential sweet, overwhelmed her a bit.

" Ready for your appointment baby? The guys and I have to do an interview with z100 so ill be back tonight okay?" James says as he starts to unpack. Nikki smiles at him and nodds wordlessly. He eyes her curiously and walks up to her pulling her close. " Whats wrong? You haven't said anything since we left LA." Truth was she didn't have much to say.

" just tierd I guess." She said as she pulls him down for a kiss.

" Okay well you guys better head out now, traffic is a bitch in the city." Nikki nodds and grabs her stuff heading out. " WAIT!" James called after her before she turns on her heel.

" Whats up?" She asks curiously. He walks over and slips something in her hand. She looks down to see his black card and shakes her head forcing it back in his hand. " James no -"

" Before you protest, just shut up and think of it as a present from the label. They don't just give me that card to spend. Its for both of us." He says placing a light kiss on hers.

" But..."

" No buts. Just go crazy. Your in NYC. You love it here Nik, just relax and have a good time." He says before ushering out the door. She sighs and smiles at him.

" I love you, I hope you know that." She says before kissing him passionately. James smirks and sends her on her way hoping that a shopping spree with her friends will make her smile since she hasn't been doing that lately.

Xxx

Nikki stares in the full length mirror at her white princess style gown that is fitted at the bust and flares out at the beging of her thighs. She had tried on about 5 gowns. But this one made her have this feeling. She ran her hands over the silk and smiled to herself turning left and right. She was wearing a sophie Moncelli sweetheart neckline ballgown in Tulle. It was almost to perfect for words.

" How do you like it Ms. Sivini?" Asked Lauren, her bridal consultant. Ms. Sivini she thought to herself. Soon it would be Mrs. Diamond. Sometimes that thought shocked her but at the same time she would love to get rid of her last name. It wasn't her favorite. She turned to Nora smiling like crazy.

" I think im in love." Nikki says turning back to the mirror smiling even wider at her reflection.

" Shall we show the girls?" Nikki smiles and nodds enthusiastically as shes slowly escorted to the runway. She hears gasps and awws as she walks up the steps and shows it to them.

" So...what do you think?" she says nervous for there reaction.

" Oh nikki its...its beautiful!" Haley says tearing up.

" Im in love with it on you , it fits you so well." Camille says clapping her hands together.

" Normall I hate poofy things but that is gorgeous Nik," Lucy says giving her a reassuring smile.

Nikki smiled wildly and turned to the full length mirror behind her. Randy the bridal cordinator came up behind her smiling and placed veil on the back of her head with a head piece that dangled a diamond down the middle of her forehead. Suddenly she felt this pain in the back of her chest, she knew her mother was supposed to be here. Helping her try this on. With her father in tears just seeing a wedding gown. But they still have yet to speak to each other. Much less her. It saddened her and she could feel the emotion build up inside her enough to almost make her burst out into sobs. She realized she really had no family. She had her brother Ben, but she hadn't heard from him in a couple years. Sighing she glanced back at the three girls and everyone around them.

" So is it a yes?" Randy said pulling back her hair. Her smile falsly grew and she nodded. It was most deffinatley her dress. But she still felt empty not being able to share this moment with her mom and dad.

" Its a yes." She said as a couple of tears slipped from her eyes. Randy quickly wiped them away and squeezed her arm in reassurance.

Xxx

After kleinfeld the girls went to the z100 studio to visit the guys during the acoustic set. Nikki excused herself to go back to the hotel. For some reason her mood went from escalated to downright depressed. The girls asked if she was okay and she merrily played it off as a headache. They took it and told her they'd tell james.

Nikki walked into the room and fell onto the bed. For some reason, she was tempted to call and tell her mom and dad about the wedding. They haven't called her since she moved back to LA. Sighing she picked up her iphone scrolled through her contacts. She hesitantly pressed ' mom' and listened for the ring.

" Hello?" Someone answered on the other side of the phone. She sounded slightly buzy.

" M-Mom?" there was silence as nikki tried to get out the word with confidence.

" Nicole? Whats wrong? Why are you calling?" She asked, sounding not really interested in the reason at all.

" I don't know if you know, but...i got engaged!" Nikki said sounding as happy as she can.

" Yes, I heard. To that pop star or whatever."

" James mom, and you've known him since we were 10."

" Really? OH that james, the one that called you names and stuff and made you cry." She had the tone that she didn't really give a shit and half. Nikki looked down, she let another tear fall. After all james wasn't here. She could cry if she wanted.

" Yeah. That one mom." there was silence again.

" So did you need my new adress for the wedding? Is that why you called?"

" Well...I was gonna ask if ….if you wanted to help with the planning but..Ill take your new adress to I guess." Nikki grabbed the hotel paper and pen. She waited patiently for a response from her mother at the other end.

" Why do you want my help?" Why do you think? Nikki thought to herself. She was now getting fustrated.

" Because your my mother. Your supposed to want to spend time with me. And help me plan my wedding. Your supposed to be happy. Your supposed to care." Nikki spat at the phone. She could feel the sobs starting shake her frame.

" Nikki-"

" AND YOUR SUPPOSED TO HELP ME PICK OUT MY DRESS!" She sobbed throwing the paper and pen on the bed. " Your supposed to hug me and say how proud you are of me and your supposed to give me advice before I walk down the isle holding daddys hand. And your supposed to love me..." She trailed off.

" Nicole. You never call me. You never want anything to do with me. Whos fault is that?" Her mother responded. Nikki sobbed harder. Once again her mom was turning this on her.

" No. The phone works both ways. So does email. So does giving a shit about each other."

" Nicole language-"

" If you don't want to come don't." She said hanging up quickly and letting out a fustrated yell. Sighing she knew she had to call her dad next. She dialed his number and waited patiently. It went straight to voicemail. She frowned trying again and again but still no answer. Giving up she left a voicemail.

" Hey daddy. Its nikki. I don't know if you know this but...Im getting married! I was just...i was just wondering if you wanted to come and if your adress is still the same for the invite. Well...i miss you and I guess thats it. Bye." The tone in her voice was dissapointment and it was very apparent. Should she even bother calling her brother? She might as well, no stopping her now anyway. She dialed bens number.

" Hello?" Someone picked up sounding very distant as if they were in another country. Nikki heard loud yelling in the background and she looked at her phone curiously.

" ben?" She yelled to him.

" Nikki? Holy SHIT! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ?" He asked excitededly. Finally someone was happy to hear from her. She smiled to herself . " GIMME A SEC IM IN A BAD AREA!" She could hear the yelling die down and suddenly his voice became clearer. " Hey sorry about that-"

" where are you?" she asked slightly amused.

" Im...Not important. How have you been? I miss you like crazy!" he said enthusiastically. She decided not to push the question and laughed. He sounded different. He sounded...mature. He used to be rough around the edges and crazy since he was a year younger then her but she hasn't spoken to him in almost 2 years.

" Im getting married." She said . There was silence for a couple seconds and she hopes that his reaction is better then her mothers.

" Nicole, thats...thats amazing!" She could hear the emotion in his voice. He changed for sure. " When?"

" 3 months. June 21st." She said biting her lip nervously.

" Ill be there. What about mom and dad?" When she didn't respond right away he knew something had gone down. " what did they do now?"

" Mom gave me attitude when I asked for her help planning the wedding and dad ignored my calls. But im glad your coming at least. That'll be one person on my side of the benches." She said sadly.

" Hey, Cheer up. I sure our cousins will come and aunts and uncles. Maybe even grammy if she ever gets a cell phone or phone for that matter." Nikki laughed at this. There mother never approved of there grandma. Her grandma was always a free spirited person who back in the 60's was a hippie and met grandpa. She still believes in the ways of nature and beauty and finds the good in everyone. Although she lives in the anirondecks, shes got a huge manision up there in the woods, claiming to be closer to nature. Her and Ben went up there a couple of summers to visit, and shed have campfire and speak to the indian spirits or something. Because she felt that matierial things were pointless, she saved all her money and intrusted it to both nikki and ben when she passes. Which most likely won't be for years since she is so young for a grandma.

" Yeah she'll probably thank the spirits about my marriage. Oh well, she always gets me the best stuff. Remember she got me sage and citrus herbs to put in my bath? I wish I still had some it smells amazing." Ben laughed.

" Well ill fly into LA a week before so I can help okay?"

" You don't have to-"

" I want to. My big sisters getting married... I can't believe it. Soon im gonna have little nieces and nephews calling me uncle ben" He laughs a bit. " name one Peter parker so he can turn into spider man okay?" Nikki laughed out loud;y. He always made her laugh. Good thing she called him last.

" deal. I miss you."

" I miss you too hun, but I gotta go. Im at ….work. OH and send my invite to "

" Oh where do you work?"

" Not important. Gotta go, I love you see you in 3 months!" She heard the click and sighed. Her mood suddenly deflated again and she tossed the phone opposite of her. She kicked off her shoes and cuddled beneath the blanket, not wanting to face the world for awhile.


	13. Chapter 13

James walked into the hotel room talking to the guys as they walked in behind him. He didn't realize nikki was asleep under the covers till he saw her burried in the blankets. He starred at her oddly as everyone quieted down. Her face was red. Her eyes were swollen as if she had been crying. He turned to the girls.

" What happened? Did she not find her dress?" He whispered.

" No she found the perfect one. But she seemed a little upset after we left." Camille said making a face. James looked at her in confusion.

" she wouldn't say why?"

" Nope, she just said she had a headache." lucy said sadly. James looked back at her sleeping form. It had been at least a good 6 hours since they left Kleinfeld. Was she in here all this time? Everyone said goodbye to james as he walked over to the bed and sat down. He brushed the hair out of her face and saw her eyes flicker open.

" Sorry baby girl I didn't mean to wake you." He said softly as he laid down behind her. She turned to face him quietly. " Why have you been crying?" She was quiet for a moment attempting to gather her thoughts.

" I called my mom and dad today." His face froze. Her parents? She hasn't mentioned them since she moved to LA. She never talks about them much less to them.

" What did they say?"

" Me and my mom had it out...My dad didn't pick up. But bens coming. At least ill have one family member there." She says in a solomn tone. His heart breaks a little. She has family...doesn't she? " If my dad doesn't come, Im gonna have ben give me away." James smiles as he sees a bit of light in her eyes. She never really talks about her brother, but apparently hes always been there for her when she needs him.

" Thats great baby girl, Im so happy for you." She smiled and kissed him softly.

" I just wish my mom would help me you know? When I was little I dreamed of getting married and my mom would be helping me pick out my dress and stuff...now I can't even have a conversation with her without arguing over something." James watched her eyes well up and pulled her into him. He could feel the hot tears soak his shirt, but all he cared about was his fiance being okay.

Xxx

As the wedding grew closer, james decided to be around nikki more and more giving her any support she needed. He thought about that weekend they went to NYC and how she called her mom and she wouldn't help her. The thought of it made james almost sick to his stomach. He watched as nikki walked around the kitchen in her fitted hoodie and shorts. She took a bite of her cookie and bobbed her head to the song that played from there ihome. James smiled to himself as she showed her carefree self to him . He loved her this way. Free spirited. Carefree. She was so content. James felt the tabel vibrate and looked to see nikkis iphone buzzing. He picked it up and walked into the other room to hear.

" Hello?" He asked.

" Nikki? Its ben!" Someone said excitededly from the other end. James scrunched his face.

" No sorry this is james, her fiance."

" Oh! James my man! How you been bro? Is nikki around? I wanted to tell her im coming in tomorrow instead! I got off work early!" James smiled wildly to himself. Shes been stressed for the past 2 months since she had that fight with her mom. Ben would for sure make her feel better.

" No way dude thats great! Ill tell her! What time should we pick you up from the airport?" james said.

" Around 10am! LAX and be sure to get there early. Guarunteed theres a crowd. Gate 12. See you tomorrow!" There was a click before james could ask him questions as to why would there be a crowd there? James walked back into the kitchen where nikki was obnoxiously singing love like whoa by Ready set. " hey babe!" He yelled lowering the music. She stopped dancing and frowned.

" Asshole, I was listening to that-" She crossed her arms

" Ben called. He said to come get tomorrow at 10am at LAX. Gate 12." Nikkis face immediately brightened as she jumped up and down.

" REALLY?" She said smiling and running into james arms. He laughed catching her easily and kissed her.

" Yes really." Something lit up in her eyes that he very rarely saw. Excitement.

Xxx

Nikki ran into the double doors across from gate 12 where they were to meet her brother. Her fingers stayed interlaced with james as she practically dragged him across the airport. The guys and Haley, camille and lucy decided to join in as well figuring theyd love to finally meet someone acutally related to her. They laughed as nikki pulled james in and out of the forming crowd. Her eyes examined the large group of people. She wondered why there were so many people to greet such a small plane. As the group looked around at the crowd they noticed a lot of flags and patriotic patterns. Kendall and logan immediately figured out what was happening and there eyes landed on nikki who had stopped right in front of the crowd. Her eyes were fixiated on the door where soilders were exiting.

" Nikki...You didn't tell me your brother was in the marines." james said smiling. Nikki didn't move her face was completely expressionless.

" Because I didn't know." She whispered. Everyone starred at her in shock as she stood stone still keeping her attention to the now arriving young men and women who ran to there families. Her eyes fell on a raven haired blue eyed soilder who was about 6'2 and toned to the core.

" Ben." was all she whispered before she ran full speed across the almost half a mile distance and launched herself into his arms. He caught her no problem as she sobbed into his shoulder.

" hey its okay nikki," he said soothingly rubbing her back. His eyes landed on the group of people that seemed to be in a state of shock but were walking towards them. She wouldn't loosen her grip around his neck for anything and he kept his right arm tight around her waist. Who was this huge man? What happened to her scrawny nerdy little brother? He wasn't this big and muscular or chizzled 3 years ago. James approached him first.

" Whoa. You...look totally different." James said a little nervous. Ben laughed a bit and shrugged.

" Yeah, marines change you man. How you been?" He said shaking james hand sincerely.

" Uh good...You know wedding stuff. I...I didn't know you were in the marines."

" what? Oh yeah, I joined a couple years ago. When nikki left I kinda had nothing to do and didn't know what I wanted to do. So I just joined you know? Glad I did though." Nikki let go of him for the first time and slid to her feet. Suddenly her fist collided with Bens chest. He stumbled back from being caught off guard.

" YOU ASSHOLE!" She said through sobs. James wrapped his arms around her waist as she continued pounding on his chest. " YOU COULD'VE DIED! YOU DIDN'T EVEN HAVE THE BALLS TO TELL ME?! ME!" She screamed her entire body shaking. Bens eyes welld up a bit seeing Nikki collapse into tears. He looked at james then back at nikki who was being held up by james arms.

" Nikki...im...im sorry-" Ben started.

" SORRY? WHAT WOULD'VE HAPPENED IF I HAD TWO SOILDERS STANDING AT MY DOOR ANNOUNCING YOUR DEATH?! WOULD YOU BE SORRY THEN TOO!"

" I didn't want you to worry. I just wanted you to be proud of me." He said calmly. Everyone looked to nikki who seemed to calm a bit at this.

" But you lied to me. Ben you...i could've lost you. Do you have any idea how that could've affected me?" she was dangerously quiet with her words as he pulled her back into a strong embrace.

" Im sorry. I Just wanted you to be proud of me when you saw me. But hey, im here now and im fine and im done with my tour so that means you have me as long as you want okay? Just please stop crying." She nodds into his neck and pulls away.

Xxxx

Ben sat at the table in Nikki and james appartment telling stories to everyone from Iraq as nikki stood in the kitchen cooking pasta and chicken. She never really liked cooking, she learned when she'd spend weekends with her dad and would get bored and play with the kitchen staff. Yes kitchen staff, her dad is a huge lawyer/investor and now lives in the hamptons in some huge house on the beach. Nikki rinsed off the spegghetti and listened to her brother intently. He went on and on about iraq and everything he did there. Half of her wanted to know every detail to the last bullet shot but the other half wanted to pretend that all he was down there was a watch guard or something.

" Hello beautiful, something smells amazing." James says coming up behind her and wrapping his arms around her waist and leaning his chin on her shoulder. " I didn't know you could cook."

" yeah, I learned when I was little. I just never had the need to" She replies slipping a piece of grilled chicken into her mouth. James grabs a tiny piece as well and bites into it.

" Mmm your damn good at it though." He says kissing her cheek.

" Babe can you just take this pasta out? Ill grab the salad and stuff." She says as he grabs as much as he can carry and walks into the dining room. Nikki follows behind him with the rest of the food.

" Nikki! You didn't have to cook hun, mdonalds would've been fine. I haven't had fast food in months." Ben says grabbing a plate anyway and stuffing it with pasta and chicken. Nikki rolls her eyes. Ben never liked fast food. He claimed he did but hed choose home food anyday.

When they all got situated, ben continued talking to the guys and the girls kept to themselves. Nikki however seemed to be minding her own. She kept deep in thought. She had yet to hear from her parents. Either of them. Yeah she was pissed at them, but theyre her parents. And its her big day.

" Nikki?" She heard her name being called and jumped from her thoughts. Everyone eyeing her concerned.

" whats up?" she asked nonchlantly.

" You've been dazing for like 15 minutes." Kendall said.

" Oh sorry, ive been doing that a lot. What'd I miss?"

" I asked if mom and dad are gonna be there,"Ben said carefully. Nikkis smile faded and she looked back down at her food.

" Probably not."

" why?" She inhaled sharply dropping her fork.

" Because. I had it out with mom and dad hasn't returned my calls. Thats why ben. Because they litterally do not care anymore."

" Thats not true nicole, just try again-"

" No. Because thats exactly what they want me to do. Beg. I don't beg. Im not a dog who comes running back. If they want to come they can. I sent there invites. They can do with it what they will." She retorted hotly. Ben rolled his eyes.

" Must you be so stubbron all the time?" He snapped.

" yes." logan said taking a swig of his beer. Nikki glarred him down as he merrily shrunk back.

" Im not stubbron. Im logical. Theres a difference."

" Yes and your not the logical difference. Just tell them you miss them-" Ben started.

" NO! I WILL NOT SINK THAT LOW! I DON'T NEED THEM! I CAN DO THIS ON MY OWN! WHO NEEDS THERE MOM TO GO DRESS SHOPPING OR PLAN A WEDDING WITH THEM ANYWAY! AND WHO NEEDS THERE DAD TO WALK THEM DOWN THE ISLE AND GIVE THEM AWAY! NOT ME." she said standing up aburptly and running int her bedroom slamming the door so hard it shook the lighting fixtures.

" How long has she been that moody?" Ben asked curiously.

" About 2 months now." James said taking a bite of his chicken. " Ever since she called them actually."

" She was almost in tears at the dress appointment." Camille added, everyone looked at her.  
" what? I saw her eyes. They were all bloodshot. And she wasn't breathing right, like she looked as if there was something missing. I figured it be her mom."

" Maybe I should go talk to her," James says as he makes to get up but ben stops him.

" don't bother. She's done this since they got divorced. Let her just have it out. Otherwise she'll hold it all in and have another meltdown."

" another meltdown?" Carlos asks.

" Yeah...didn't she tell you guys? After you guys left and our parents divorced, she pretty much became depressed. All she did was sleep and even..." But ben shook his head to try and erase the last 2 words he said.

" She even what?" Logan interegated. Ben looks around and lowers his voice.

" She even tried to kill herself." Everyone at the table pales. Nicole? Kill herself? But why? " She went to rehab for a week since it wasn't that bad of an attempt. But still..." He trailed off.

Xxx

The news seeped into everyone hard, aside from ben. She was acting weird these past couple of months, and theyd just hoped it was stress. But could she really have deperession again? There minds worked into over drive trying to comprehend what they should do or how to go about this.

" Just remember, don't tell her that I told you. She will kill me. We chose to forget it for a reason." Ben said softly as they sat around the living room. Everyone agreed they'd keep the secret. But that didn't mean they couldn't help her a bit. The guys shared some more stories with ben from the road. Suddenly they heard a door slam shut and someone puking up everything in there stomach. James ran to the bathroom door and knocked on it several times.

" Nicole? Nikki open up!" He said hastily trying to turn the knob. Suddenly he heard a click and nikki stood there seemingly fine. " are you okay? I heard you throwing up, are you sick baby?" He said placing a hand on her forehead. She wrapped an arm around her stomach.

" Sorry, I just got nausesus." She said softly and walking past him and back into there room. He starred at her openly as did everyone else. James walked after her and when he opened there door all he saw was her cuddled under the blankets. He closed it quietly and looked to logan.

" Your the doctor, do you think she's depressed?" Suddenly everyones eyes burned into logan as she shifted uncomfortably.

"I...i don't know." Logans thoughts swirl around , as he tries to figure out if she really needs help or it if it was something else.


	14. Chapter 14

It was 2 days before the wedding. Nikki stood in her and james bedroom starring at her reflection. She turned sideways and noticed that her midriff had gained a small amount of weight. She shivered and shook her head, grabbing a hoodie and zipping it up. Suddenly she heard someone come in the front and quickly peeked around to see logan smiling at her.

" Hey, I just figured id stop in and see how you were doing." he said awkwardly. See how she was doing? Thats weird. Everyone has been stopping by randomly for the past 3 weeks or so 'checking up' on her when james or ben wasn't home. She eyed him.

" Why?" She said crossing her arms across her chest.

" Can't I just stop in?" She rolled her eyes and shrugged at him. Suddenly she felt her stomach churn and she immediately paled. She ran to the master bathroom and buckled next to the toilet emptying all of her stomach. She shook slightly as she absolutley despised throwing up and doing so daily now was getting to her. She felt someones hand rub her back soothingly and she spit the taste from her mouth. She stood up swaying a bit but grabbed the sink for support. She turned on the sink and washed her mouth out. Thank god james left early for the studio in the morning.

" So you gonna tell him?" Logan said handing her a towel to wipe her hands she took it silently and didn't dare look him in the eye.

" I don't know what your talking about." She said softly.

" Oh come on, im the doctor remember? I know the symptoms." He said happily. She turned to him, as he smiled so wide that she swore he resemebled the chesire cat.

" Logan..." She groaned as she felt logan pull her in tightly for a hug.

" I can't believe your pregnant! How far long are you?" he said into her ear giving her one more tight squeeze. She smiled to herself a bit. Yeah she couldn't believe it either. Funny thing was she wasn't even thinking about kids. Logan pulls away and looks at her lovingly. "James is going to be so happy, why haven't you told him?"

"Im 3 months, I just found out a couple weeks ago. And I want to wait till after the wedding. I want it to be a surprise you know?" She said placing her hand on her semi flat stomach.

" I think you should tell him." Logan says crossing his arms. Nikki sighed and turned back to the mirror.

"Logan, no. He'll stress out and everything. Just...Just leave it for 3 more days and ill tell him okay?"

"Tell who what?" James said as enters the bedroom starring between logan and nikki. She jumps and laughs a bit.

" Tell uh... Tell uhm...Kendall that.." she looks to logan for support.

" That Jo might be at the wedding." Logan says confidently.

" You want to invite her?" James asks curiously starring at nikki oddly.

" yeah, I mean shes your friend and I don't want her to be left out so..Uhm. Logan invited her and she might come." Nikki said quickly. She then grabbed her iphone from her back pocket and curse under her breath. " But I need to uhm... run a couple errands for the wedding so Im gonna go," She added as she got up on her tip toes and kissed james who starred at her trying to figure out what the rush was.

" And im going to go help her." Logan said following her.

" No your not." She turned on her heel and put her hand on his chest stopping him in his tracks.

" Yes I am, I don't want you to be to stressed." He said slyly.

" No. Im fine, honestly." She laughed nervously.

" No thats okay, I have to get a few things to." He intrigued. Nikki sent him a true death glare causing him to smirk.

" Are you guys okay?" James asked from behidn them. They turned to him in unison.

" Yup!" They said together and then turned around and walked out the door.

Xxxx

Nikki laid back on the OBGYN table. She really dislike that logan invited himself but at the same time she was kinda happy about it. He smiled to her as the doctor walked in.

" Mrs. Sivini correct?" she was a tall blonde who looked in her mid 30's. She had a genuine smile on as she shook nikkis hand along with logans. " Lets take a look at that baby." She said as she lifted up nikki's shirt and poured this gel on her stomach. Suddenly there was a beep on the screen next to nikki and she starred at it in awe. " And there is your little baby. Theres her head, and those are her feet. Everything seems to be going well." She looked to logan who was smiling like crazy. " Are you the father?" He looked between nikki and the doctor and shook his head fast.

" Me? No no no no. No im the fathers best friend. Its a surprise for him after there wedding." Logan said starring at nikki who was too busy touching the screen.

" That is the coolest thing i've ever seen. Thats inside me right now?" She said looking from her stomach to the screen and to the doctor. The Doctor laughed and nodded.

" IM guessing this is your first. But yes that is your baby, and they are very much inside you. Ill be right, im going to print your pictures and dvd." She said exusing herself after she cleaned off nikkis stomach, leaving them alone once more.

" Look at that baby diamond." Logan said his eyes welling up a bit. Nikki smiled at him.

" Are really crying right now?" she said laughing a bit. He looked to her quickly and sniffled wiping his eyes.

" What? No. I just have...hair gell or something in my eye-shut up. How are you not emotional about this? Theres a living baby inside you right now. You and james made a baby, aren't you the least bit excited?" Logan said smiling to her.

" Of course I am. But...i think shock is still working its way through my system." She says placing a hand on her stomach. " I still can't believe that me and james...are going to have a baby. Its so weird to think about us running around after our kids in a new house...as a family." She starred at her small baby bump as long walked over and placed his hand on her.

" Don't worry baby d, your parents aren't going to know jack shit about kids. And thats where ill come in," he laughed as nikki pushed him away playfully.

Xxxx

Nikki walked into her appartment logan following behind her, tossing her keys on the counter. She heard fox bound around the cornor and laughed as he jumped onto her leg barking.

" Hi foxy, wheres daddy?" She asked as she heard talking around the cornor in the kitchen. She knew those voices. She froze as logan starred at her curiously.

" Nikki what is..." But he trailed off when he spotted two semi familiar faces sitting at the table.

" Mom...Dad..." She said dangerously low. Logans hand rested on her back as if to tell her to calm down. Stress isn't good for the baby. Ben and james stood there both looking extremely angry, there arms crossed and faces full of agrivation. Her parents looked to nikki.

" Hello Nicolette," Her mother spoke up first.

" Its nicole or nikki." Nikki spat hotly. Her mother nodded and looked down.

" I know I don't deserve it but id like some respect." She mutters taking a sip of her coffee.

" and I like a mother who wants actually be a mother to me." Nikki retorted, crossing her arms.

" Nicole, Do not speak to your mother that way-" Her father started.

" why? Because you have any right to say what I can and can not do? Sorry but when was the last time you gave a shit about me? Or Ben? Or Mom?"

" Nicole, I know your mad at us but-" Her mother started again and then shrunk back a bit. " But...id like to help you with the wedding."

" Its in two days, maybe you should read the 3 invites I sent. Or email or texts." She says tossing her bag on the counter and standing next to james who wraps an arm around her protectively.

" She's right you know." Ben steps in. " I feel as if, 2 years ago when she left, you guys litterally wrote her off as your daughter. Why are you interested now? Because theres fame involved? Or money? Or both?"

" No benjemine, I just figured that I should walk my daughter down the isle. And I should be givng her away." Her father replies.

" Well, you haven't been a father for the past 20 years or so, why try now? Besides. Ive asked ben and hes going to do it." Nikki could feel the tears rise up through her eyes but she refused to let them fall. She knew that if she fell into this trap again, she'd only end up in running. Just like she did 3 years ago. She looked away not wanting to meet there eyes as it would only make matters harder.

" Can we...can we at least attend? Your family would like to be there even if you don't want us to be." Her mother said softly. Those words cut through her and she shivered.

" Of course you can attend. And our family is already coming. They've sent in there invites weeks ago. Unlike some people." She glarred at them and walked over to the fridge grabbing a gatorade.

Xxxx

It had been an awkward hour of just sitting in the living room with her parents. They apparently wanted to get to know james more but didn't speak for long periods of time.

" So, james." Her father starts, James perks up at his name. " your in a band." Nikki stares between the two as does ben.

" Yes , actually im in a boyband." He says simply.

" good income?" Her father intergates.

" DAD!" She yells.

" She's right greg, don't scare him. Theres no reason to be nosey." Her mother defends her putting a hand on her dad. Nikki and ben stare shocked at her.

" Thanks mom." Nikki replies after 5 minutes of silence.

" So nicolette-i mean nicole. What have you been up to?" She inquires sipping her tea.

" Uhm, nothing I guess. I opened my own photo studio." Her mother smiles.

" Did you? You always had a knack for photography. Never knew you'd pursue It though. Always thought you'd be in juliard by now."

" Well. Clearly performing arts wasn't my calling. Otherwise I would be."

"And ben how was iraq?" Her mother looks to ben as he pales.

" ….They knew?" Nikki stares in disbelief. She then turns to her mother. " You knew and you didn't tell me?"

" Of course they knew Nik, they had to sign a consent form-Oops." Ben immediately shuts up and goes back sipping from his mug.

" CONSENT FORM?" she yells then looks to her mother and father. " You...You sent him to military camp? Are you kidding me right now?!"

" Oh please nicole, calm down. He asked to go when you left." Her mother announces vaguely.

" And you.. and you let your son go into battle underage?"

" Hey! I was not in battle at a young age. I had to train first. Then when I turned 18 I went into the marines. And don't get mad at them! I asked them to! I wanted to go! I was tierd of sitting around and being bored with my life!" Ben yelled. Nikki shrunk back, having never heard her brothers voice at that octive before. "Ever since I got here, you've had some stick shoved up your ass and I gotta say im not liking it to much!" He slipped and then regretted the words as he saw nikki's eyes well up.

" I just didn't want the only person in my family that cares about me... to end up leaving me..." she trailed off. " But I guess thats to late..." She said walking towards the door and grabbing her keys.

" Nikki I-" She holds up a hand to stop ben from continuing.

" Just save it okay? I deffinatly don't need this stress right now." She mumbled walking out the door and down the hall to logans.

Xxx

Nikki pounded her fist against the wooden door vigoursly. Logan opened and eyed her oddly.

"Nikki? Whats up?" he asked as she pushed past him quickly.

" Is camille home?" Logan scrunched his eyebrows in fear of asking why.

" No..." he trailed off as she darted to his bathroom. She fell to the ground and started to throw up everything that her stomach held. Logan walked in after her and rubbed her back soothingly.

" I really thing you should tell him... its not like he's going to be mad." She looked up at him.

" He won't be. My parents will. This changes everything logan. If they ever knew I was pregnant they'd never fucking leave." She finishes before turning back to the toilet and continuese to vomit. " Ugh. Why do they call it morning sickness if your puking all damn day?" Logan laughs a bit.

" In all my research about pregnancy and the affects...Ive never figured out why they nicknamed that Morning sickness-You okay?" He asks as she lifts her head up and slowly picks herself up from the floor. Logan sits her on the now closed bowl and hands her a cold washrag as she inhales deeply. " Just deep breaths, your going to feel like this for the next 3 months or so." She groans.

" Oh come on." She wines putting her head in her hands.

" Hey. Your body is making a baby. Shut up and take the side effects like woman." Logan says with a small laugh. Nikki looks up at him and smiles.

" I still can't believe we made a baby...Its so surreal you know?" She says rubbing her semi flat stomach. Logan snorts and raises his eyebrows.

" I can. You guys couldn't keep your fucking hands off each other for a minute. And something tells me with your current hormone balance. We won't see you guys for days on end because you two will be on each other like white on rice." nikki lets out a laugh and playfully pushes him away.

" Im serious though. Oh god." She says suddenly.

" Whats wrong? Do you need to puke again?" Logan says worried.

" No its not that...Im going to get so fat. And Paparazzi will be on us and...oh my god logan. Im pregnant. IM HAVING A BABY! WHAT THE HELL!" She screams tears flowing over her eye lids. Logan quickly embraces her and she burries her head in his neck.

" Your going to be Nikki, its okay. Your going to be okay." He says rubbing her back once more. She pulls away and looks at him.

" Logan. I can't be a mom. I have no idea how to be one. I...What if I do something wrong? What if-"

" Nicole Marie Sivini -soon-to-be-maslow. You are going to be an amazing mother. You took care of almost all of us when we needed you to. I don't have one dought in my mind that your going to screw up anything majorly. You should be excited. Stop worrying about everyone else and just smile. You and james are going to be a mother and father. Your having a baby with the man you love." he says quitely wiping away her tears as she nodds. She had to tell him. She couldn't avoid it any longer. She had been for a month and after her parents leave in a couple days. She's going to tell him. Just not now.


	15. Chapter 15

Nikki turned around and smiled at her reflection. Her long hair was loosely tied up in a bun and she wore a headpiece that had a jewel dangling down the middle of her forhead. She was currently trying to get into her dress, and was having a hard time because of her very small baby bump. She growled as her friend haley attempted to pull the dress closed as much as possible. Logan was still the only one to know of her pregnancy and she really didn't feel like explaining it right now.

" FUCK! THIS ISN'T WORKING!" She yelled rolling her eyes. " Get me logan." The girls looked at her oddly. " Now!" camille nodded and ran down the hall to where the guys were getting dressed.

Xxx

Logan helped james fix his suite. He really didn't like bow ties so he settled on a casual black and white tux with a white tie.

" Did you fix it yet?" James asked impatiently.

" Dude, chill out. Your going to be fine. You weren't this nervous about your wedding with anna." Kendall said slapping his back.

" Because nicole is different. You know that. What if she runs? What if she doesn't want to marry me?" He asks nervously.

" Trust me, I don't think she has a choice at this point." Logan mumbles.

" What?" james asks him,

" Nothing. Done." James smiles and looks in the mirror.

" I gotta say. For a crazy boyband we clean up pretty damn swift."

" You got that right." carlos adds. Suddenly there was a knock at the door and logan called for them to enter. Camille poked her head in.

" Uh...logan. Nikki needs you." The guys looked at logan oddly and he sighed and nodded.

" coming." he said following her down the hall. When he opened the door to the girls dressing room, he inhaled sharply at the sight before him. " Nikki you look...you look amazing." He said breathless.

" Guys can I talk to logan alone for a second?" The girls nodded and walked out leaving the two to talk. Nikki looked at him.

" Whats wrong?" He asked as he saw her frown and sit.

" I..."She looked down. " I can't fit into my dress." She said embarrased. He smiled and stood her up on the platform.

" Thats because your 3 months pregnant and your starting to show." He said placing a hand on her stomach. " Just suck it in for a second." He said grabbing the laces from her corset and pulling it tight. " There all done." He said placing his hands on her arms. " You look stunning. James is the luckiest man alive." He kissed her cheek.

" You think?" She said softly examining her reflection.

" I know." He said hugging her. " Now come on. Lets get you 2 married before your morning sickness kicks in and james nerves give out." Nikki giggled and nodded as they walked out. Haley handed her a small white boque. Time to get married she thought as they walked down the hall logan running ahead to the alter. She spotted ben who was almost in tears at the end of hall waiting for her arrival. She didn't do well in public, much less when the crowd was all eyes on her. This was sure going to be a difficult task. As her bridesmaids walked ahead and the music sounded, she gulped and gripped bens arm.

" Nervous?" He said not taking his eyes off her. She however starred straight ahead trying to focus on one thing.

" Y-yup." She stuttered. Oh no she thought. What if she puked during the vows? Fuck. She shook her head and spoke to herself subconciously. You can do this. Just breathe. He's waiting for you. Suddenly everyone stood and all eyes went towards the back where she stood. Her eyes landed on james who looked in awe at her. She bit her lip and smiled at him, making her way down the isle. She could hear people whisper and swoon over her as they reached the end. Ben walked up and took her hand giving it to james.

" Take care of my sister alright? She's all I have in this world." Ben whispered as nikki attempted to not tear up. James took her hands In his as the priest spoke. She didn't listen though. All she did was pay attention to this man in front of her. The one who she had been in love with since they were 10. The one who left her in middle school to become famous. The one she re-met 3 years ago at the palmwoods. The one who chased her to london and back just to be with her. The one who broke her heart because he was scared she'd break his first. The one who ran out on his wedding day with anna just to become hers all over again. The one who she wants and is going to spend the rest of her life with.

" Nicole Marie Sivini, Do you take James David Diamond to be your lawfully wedded husband to have and to hold from this day forward in sickness and in health till death do you part?" The priest spoke confidently. Nikki looked into james eyes and nodded.

" Hell yeah I do." She said smiling like crazy earning a laugh from everyone in the crowd including james.

" And james david diamond do you take Nicole Marie Sivini to be your lawfully wedded wife to have and told from this day forward in sickness and in health till death do you part-"

" Yes. A thousand times yes." He said quickly, also earning a laugh from everyone.

" Place the rings on one anothers fingers and repeat after me." The priest instructed as james took her hand.

" I James david maslow, take you nicole marie sivini, to be my wife in which I will cherish and love you for all eternity. And with this ring I thee wed." James repeated after the priest pushing the gold band with 3 instudded diamonds onto her finger. She repeated the process and interlockd her hands with his.

" I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may finally kiss your bride." The priest announced as everyone applauded. Nikki jumped into james arms as he caught her placing his lips on hers passionately. He pulled away and rested his forehead on hers.

" I love you so much." He whispered.

" I love you too." She whispered back as he placed her on the ground.

Xxx

The reception started and James and nikki sat at the table talking. Nikkis eyes spotted her parents smiling up at her. When they got divorced, they couldn't bare to look at each other much less be in the same room as each other. But for some reason they set aside there differences to be at there daughters wedding. She was thankful for that.

" Oh let me hug my new daughter in law!" Someone said from the other side of her and brooke james mom came running up to her hugging her tightly. She smiled and accepted the hug.

" Oh I can't wait for grandkids! You two are going to have beautiful babies!"

" Mom..." james whined and made a face as she kissed his cheek. " Your embarrasing me." She rolled her eyes.

" Oh hush. I love you both." She said before heading back to her table. James look at nikki.

" Sorry about that. She didn't like anna much. You were always her favorite." He said winking.

" Yeah parents love me." She said shrugging.

" Here take this." James handed her a glass of champaigne and she paled. " Oh come on, its our wedding day you can break your rules and get tipsy." She laughed nervously taking it and when he wasn't paying attention poured it intos someone elses glass. Logan stood up tapping his glass loudly causing everyone to quiet down. Suddenly all four boys stood up. James couldn't choose one best man so he chose them all .

" Today, is a very special day for not just james but for all four of us." Kendall started.

" When we were 10, we all became the best of friends, and yes we did have 1 girl who was our friend. She was possibly the coolest girl around considering she played hockey and sports with us." carlos added.

" But today, she stands before us, a beautiful young women, who we knew would marry james sometime down the road. Although her and james never really got along the first year she came back into our lives. He managed to realize just how stupid he was being and chased after her." Logan said.

"And after he shocked everyone and proposed to Nikki on stage...in front of our thousands of fans." kendall stated. James rolled his eyes, he was never going to live that down.

" These two are finally married. After 3 years of irratating, cute and annoying moments. They finally get there fairytale ending." Logan winked at them as nikki blushed. " and hopefully some cute kids on the way! Cheers!" James gave him a weird look and laughed as everyone cheered. Nikki paled and looked down. Everyone else gave there speeches as people appluaded. James noticed that nikki hadn't touched her wine or champaigne and looked at her sadly. She could break the rules if she wanted.

" Babe, you can drink. I promise I won't let you drink to much okay?" He said rubbing her hand. She pulled away and frowned.

" no james I can't. I can't because of …." She trailed off.

" because of?"

" Because...nevermind." she said brushing it off.

" No tell me." He said turning to her fully.

" Not now. Ill tell you later." She said as the waitors put food in front of them. Her eyes widened and she starred at it wearily.

" Fine." he said slightly annoyed at her ignorance. " Whats wrong now?" He said as he watched her face. " are you sick?" He asked worried.

" N-No. I just uhm. I-" But she quickly excused herself and ran to the ladies room. Her stomach had to always churn oddly when someone put food down in front of her that the baby didn't like. James looked at logan and the guys worry written all over his features. Logan quickly went back to eating.

" Logan...are you not telling me something?" James interrigated.

"I...uhm. Nope." He said stuffing his mouth. James narrowed his eyes.

" Logan." He said sternly as the rest of the guys starred at him. He sighed.

" Its not my place to say. You go ask her." He says swallowing. James quickly gets up and the rest of the guys follow him to where they saw nikki run. When james gets to the ladies room, he knocks. He hears nikki say she'll be out in a minute and rolls his eyes.

" How about now?" he snaps. He feels betrayed. His wife told logan what was happening and not him. To him it didn't feel very fair and he hated being out of the loop as it was. Suddenly the door clicks opena and nikki stands there sadly looking at him. " So you going to tell me whats wrong now? Because I already know logan knows." He said harshly. Nikki's eyes widen and she looks at logan.

" YOU TOLD HIM I WAS PREGNANT?" She snapped as logan winced.

"Y-Your...Your what?" james says stuttering at her words. She opens her mouth and looks to a now shocked james.

" I guess you didn't...Fuck." She says rubbing her temples.

" Your pregnant?!" Kendall and carlos say at once.

" ...and..and you told logan before me? Your own husband?" James went from shocked to hurt fast and nikki quickly raises her hands.

" No no no, james logan found out because he could tell the symptoms. I didn't tell him anything I swear-" she said in defense. James looked to logan and back at nikki them down to her stomach.

"So that means...im and...your...and we're going to be..." james grabs ahold of the door frame for support. Kendall logan and carlos sit him down in the seat as he tries to breathe normally.

" Yeah james...we're going to be parents." she whispers kneeling down in front of him. He looks up a smile growing on his face.

" How far long are you?" He asks curiously.

" 3 months." She says as his smile reaches it full potential.

" we're having a baby...I can't believe it!" He says happily pulling her in for a kiss. Logan carlos and kendall look at each other.

"Somehow we can." James and nikki look up at them and glare.

" So that means we're going to have a big time baby?" Carlos asks excitedly. Nikki giggles and nodds.

" Yes carlos. Thats exactly what it means." Nikki says happily. James places his hand on her stomach and smiles.

" We're having a baby." He says softly, his eyes welling up.


	16. Chapter 16

James starred down at his beautiful new wife. She was completely wiped from last night and the two were planning on a honey moon tomorrow. Just a weekened in hawaii, since they were in the middle of recording there new album. She looked so beautiful simply asleep in his arms. He brushed a piece of hair from her face. He then glanced down at her stomach. The shock of finding out he was going to be a father in 6 months was still setting in. He couldn't believe they had created a baby together. I mean he always wanted to be a dad at some point. But the complete surprise of it happening now was scaring him half to death. He now had to think for not just 2 but 3 people. He wondered if it was going to be a boy or if he was going to have a daddy's little girl first. What would they name it if it was a boy? Or a girl. He felt nikki shift under him and smiled as he eyes opened werily.

" Good morning wifey." He whispered. She smiled.

" good morning hus-" She suddenly paled and jumped up from the bed running right into the bathroom and dropping to her knees. James frowned and ran to her rubbing her back and pulling back her hair.

" Shhh its okay nik, just let it all out." He said softly as he watched his wife convulse and throw up everything she ate last night. She groaned and leaned her head on her arm.

"Ugh. Fuck this feeling." She mumbles and starts to upchuck again. James sighs and rubs her back till she relaxes and falls back into his arms.

" Come on baby girl" he says standing her up as she sways and leans on him. He grabs a washcloth and presses the cool water to the back of her neck. " better?" he says cautiously. She nodds into him and he rubs her back. " Is this normal? The constant puking thing?" She laughs a bit.

" Yeah. Any sort of smell that the baby doesn't like or if it moves or something I get motion sickness or some bs. I don't know ask logan." He smiles as she turns and washes her mouth out.

He picks her up bridal style and walks over to the bed placing her on it gently. She smiles up at him as he crawls ontop of her kissing her up and down her neckline. He lifts up her tank and presses his lips to her stomach as she giggles.

" Stop making mommy puke baby." He whispers as she pulls him down ontop of her. He smiles into the kiss and rubs her small swollen tummy. " I still can't believe your pregnant. This is so surreal you know?" She nodds .

" Yeah...when I found out I was kinda in shock myself." She frowns and james looks at her oddly.

" Whats wrong?" He asks as she props herself on her elbows.

" What...what if im not a good mom?" She says the confidence escaping through every word. James sighs.

" Nicole Marie Diamond. You are going to be the best mother I know." He says leaning in for a kiss. She pecks him and lays back down.

Xx

Nikki groaned as she packed up the last of there things. She really didn't want to leave maui. A weekend really was not enough for the two. Her hormones got the best of her though, and she did not keep her hands off james for a second. He quite enjoyed this. It tired her out though. James smiled to her as he zipped up his suit case.

" I don't wanna go." She whined as he kissed her forehead.

" Come on, our plane leaves in an hour." She sighed and fell back on the bed. She knew as soon as she got back, james would be shoved into a studio 7 days a week on gustavos nazi like schedual and seeing her husband would be a rare occasion.

Xxxx

Sure enough the next 2 weeks she was faced with an empty bed and empty appartment. Did gustavo not realize she was pregnant and needed him? I mean not all the time but some of the time would be nice. With each day she was getting bigger and bigger. That friday she woke up and looked in the mirror shocked. She ran a hand over her protruding belly and frowned.

" Come on kiddo, im not even 4 months already and your making me fat?" She smiled a bit and sighed. She was called from her thoughts by someone calling her name.

" NIKKI?" She heard logans voice echo through the rooms but chose to stay put glancing at her reflection.

" In here!" She yelled . Logan bounded the cornor and she watched his eyes widen.

" Whoa. Someones getting a baby bump." He said with a small smile.

" More like baby mountain. Im huge." She said sourly pulling her shirt down. Logan rolled his eyes and bent down next to her.

" Mommy's getting mad cause your making her to fat to fit into a size 4 jeans." She in turn rolled her eyes at logans remark and punched him in the arm.

" So what brings you here?" She asked curiously. Logan looked up and shrugged.

" James sent me to check on you. He's been tied to a mic for the past 36 hours and is beyond pissed. So he told me check on you to see how you were. But I can see you and baby are doing good" He said rubbing her stomach and talking with a baby tone.

"Logan I dought it can even hear you." She said crossing her arms as logan gasped and pressed his hands to the sides of her stomach.

"Shh. They can here you. They respond after 5 months you know." Nikki raised her eyebrows.

" Really?" He nodded and rubbed her stomach again.

"You know, your gonna have to get used to people rubbing your stomach. I think thats the number 1 rule of pregnancy actually." she groaned.

" as if the puking and mood swings and cravings weren't enough im stuck with people petting me?" Logan laughed and stayed in a daze. " What...?"

" Nothing im just...im just still in shock that your pregnant." He said sinking into the bed.

" I was too but now im starting to question why everyone else is shocked." She said sinking down next to him.

" Maybe cause we never thought a talented party girl was going to end up pregnant before the wedding...well...i take that back there were some inquires but-" She slapped his chest and he laughed rubbing it. " Then again. We always knew you and james were going to get married. That was simply a matter of time. But I guess no one ever pondered what would happen after." She placed a hand on her stomach rubbing it soothingly.

" Logan can I ask you something?" He nodded for her continue. She looked down sadly.

" Do you think...Do you think im gonna be a good mom?"

" Why would you say that?"

" Because of everything i've done. I...I feel like im going to be a bad mom." Logan pulled her into him hugging her tightly.

" Nicole of all the women I know, you are going to be the most amazing mother of all. Why? Because you love unconditionally no matter what. Your a selfless beautiful woman and your going to be just fine." She nodds into his chest. " plus the baby's gonna have 4 awsome dads." She laughed and looked up wiping her tears.

" Yeah. Yeah they are."

xxxx

James walked through the door quietly, as fox jumped around excitedly barking.

" shhh fox! Your gonna wake up nikki shh!" He said attempting to hush the excited puppy.

" to late." Someone said from the couch. James peeked over to see nikki laying there on the computer.

" baby..its like 4am. You should be asleep." He said with concern.

" Sorry. I haven't been able to sleep for the past couple of weeks since my husband was abducted from me." She grumbled. James sighed. He wondered if it was to early for there first marridal fight. Probably not now that she was practically 4 months pregnant. James walked towards her and gave her an im sorry look.

" Nikki...I tried to get out but gustavo has us locked in there." She sighed as he picked up her legs and sat under them.

" I know. IM sorry. My hormones are going effin insane." James smiled and rubbed her legs.

" Your getting big." She closed her eyes and put her head in her hands.

" I look fat and gross." She whined.

" I think you look more beautiful then ever." He whispered making her look up at him. He placed a hand on her stomach and rubbed it. " How've you been baby D? You been good to mommy?"

" No." She says rolling her eyes taking a bite of her brownie. " they've been making me puke every 5 minutes." Suddenly she felt her stomach churn and dropped the brownie on her plate jumping up and running toward the bathroom. James sighed. He hated seeing nikki this vulnerable. He listened to her puke and sighed. Everytime he tried to help her now a days she'd slam the door in her face. He assumed itd be best to let her ask for his help instead of nosying in.


	17. Chapter 17

James paced the floor in front of his and nikkis bedroom cheking his iphone every 2 minutes. Nicole had locked herself in there room trying to find something that fit her for the red carpet event they we're attending tonight. Right now logan, camille, carlos, haley, kendall, lucy and ben were all in the living room watching him get worked up. He slammed his fist on the door again.

" NICOLE! Come on we're going to be late!" He whined.

" GO TO HELL JAMES! YOUR NOT THE ONE THAT HAS TO FIT INTO A GOD DAMN GOWN TONIGHT! EITHER WAIT OR GO WITHOUT ME!" He jumped back from the door at her outburst.

" Ugh, she's rediculous!" He said exhasperated. Logan sighed and walked up to the door.

" Nikki, come on. Just put on anything. Im sure you'll look fine." Logan said trying to be sweet.

There was silence.

" How the hell would you know? Your not 6 months pregnant and huge!" She yelled once more from behind the wood. Welp he tried. Shrugging he sat defeated next to james. Haley narrowed her eyes.

" THATS IT!" Haley roared as she slammed her fist on the door. " NICOLE DIAMOND GET YOUR ARSE OUT HERE NOW BEFORE I FUCKING DRAG YOU OUT BY YOUR FUCKING HAIR! WE ARE GOING TO BE LATE BECAUSE OF YOU!" There was silence and suddenly all you heard was someone whimpering behind the door. Haley cussed and immediately regretted her outburst. Ben pushed passed her and knocked.

"Its ben. Open?" There was a click as ben smiled and walked in clsoing it behind him and locking the door. Nikki stood there in a black fitted gown and a frown on her flawless face.

" Nikki you look stunning."

" No. I look rediculous. Everyones going to laugh at me." She said trying not to cry again. Ben bent down and wiped the tears from her eyes.

" Your pregnant. Not fat. Just go out there and own it."

" but the papparazi are going to tear me apart-"

" so don't break. You'll be fine. You always are." He kissed her forehead and helped her up as she walked towards the door inhaling and openeing it wide. Everyones eyes landed on her. She spotted james across the room smiling wildly. He walked over to her and smiled.

" sweetheart you look beautiful." She blushed as she kissed him softly.

" are we ready?" Kendall says taking lucys hand and walking out of the appartment leading the way.

Xxx

Nikki hated these events. She attended them when her and james dated and the flashes and screaming interviewers put her nerves on edge. Her nails dug into james as they walked the red carpet, stopping every few minutes to answer some questions and get a picture. James looked over at nikki and frowned. She knew it came with the fame territory but he still disliked seeing his wife so uncomfortable. He looked around at logan , kendall , carlos and there dates. They were all calm and collected, his eyes then landed back on nikki who was pale, nervous and jumpy. She was pregnant and he knew this enviorment would upset her. Without thinking he quickly started walking the opposite way dragging nikki along with him.

" James what are you doing?" She asked confused as ever.

" We're leaving." He said shortly.

" What? Why? James you have to go-"

" No. Im an idiot to think you'd be okay tonight in front of all the cameras and crap." He mumbled as flashes went off and questions were being yelled. He darted his way in between celebrities . Nikki could hear logan, carlos and kendall scream to him along with a very pissed off gustavo, but she kept her attention on him. James stopped at the end of the street glancing both ways.

"James. Im fine really-"

" Nicole, ive known you for years. And I know what a panic attack looks like. Your pregnant and moody the last thing you need is an anxiety fit on the red carpet." He says hastily. Part of nikki wanted to just jump his bones right there for saving her from that, but the other part was mad as hell for this sudden idea of his. She looked around suddenly her eyes landed on something behind them in the distance. A mob of flashing lights and screams headed right towards them. Her eyes widened.

" Uh...James." She said her voice shaking. James ignored her.

" Not now babe." he said trying to flag down a taxi.

" Uh JAMES?!" He turned to her narrowing his eyes.

" WHAT?" he said as she pointed to the mob of people. Hie eyes widened and he cursed. " SHIT!" He screamed desperatly trying to grab a taxi. Luckily one pulled up next to them and he shoved her in first as they drove away just in time to see the 100's of cameras and reporters attempting get a shot of them.

" Where to?" The driver asked not looking away his rear view. James looked at nikki and smiled.

" The boardwalk." He said as they peeled in and out of traffic.

Xxx

James sat beside nikki watching her inhale her hot dog and fries. The two sat on a grass hill just high enough to over look LA's skyline. They had stopped at a couple places for food and decided to hide out there for awhile. Nikkis heels were on the right of her as she bit into her variety of food. She felt james eyes on her and blushed.

" Sorry. Im being a pig." She said embarrased. She grabbed some fries and held them up to james. " Want some?"

" Nah, feed the baby. Im good for the next 5 years after that meal" He said rubbing his stomach. Nikki giggled.

" Yeah well. I like how im eating the entire menu and then some and have not managed to gain more then what my weight should be." she looked down and rubbed her baby bump.

" I wonder if she's gonna look like you." James said softly. They had found out it was a girl about a month ago and she remembers laying in the room and as the doctor announced the sex, james immediately started tearing up. She adored his reaction. Seeing the man she loves, excited to be a daddy.

" Probably. But if she doesn't have your eyes im going to be upset."

" Oh?" He said propping himself up

"Yeah, I mean. Your eyes are one of your best features. Why do you think I said yes when you proposed? I was lost in your eyes so I didn't have a chance to say no." She said playfully. James snorted.

" Yeah okay." James sat up and placed his hands on her stomach when suddenly he felt something odd and looked up nervously with a wide smile. "She...She kicked." Nikki laughed .

" Is that what that was?" She said putting down her drink and placing her hands over james. The baby kicked again and nikki giggled as james smile grew.

"Thats...thats amazing." He whispered. " Do you think she can hear us?" He said as she placed his lips to her belly. " Hi baby girl, its your daddy." Suddenly he felt her kick again and looked up at nikki. "She can hear us...Thats...thats our little girl." He said excitedly.

" Thats crazy. I can't believe she's kicking already." Nikki said in disbelief.

" We have to think of names...How about..." James looked away thoughtfully. " Jill?" Nikki made a face.

" Nahh to plain, what about lily?"

" After the flower really?"

" Well I was going to say after harry potter's mom but sure the flower works to." James laughed at her nerdy comment. She would look for baby names in that freaking book.

" Might as well just name her hermione." Nikki narrowed her eyes.

" Well james lets just name her boy since thats the complete opposite of what she is. You know like how you named your dog after a fox." She smirked.

" What about J.K rowling im sure no ones come up with that one yet." He retorted. Nikki rolled her eyes and looked over at the lit up skyline. Her mind went into deep thought trying to come up with names that would suite there daughter. Suddenly something came to mind and she turned to james.

" What about ellie?" she said softly. James looked over at her and down at her stomach and back up to her.

" I...I like it. I love it actually. Ellie Diamond. You like that baby girl?" He said softly as he felt her kick once more. " She agrees as well." He said leaning over and kissing nikki passionately.

Xxx

Nikki sighed in defeat as she laid on her back, wide awake. Being 7 and a half months pregnant was not the least bit comfortable to her as she couldn't lay on either of her sides and had to sleep on like 5 different pillows. She turned her head to see if james was awake from all her tossing and turning. Luckily he was fast asleep , cuddled into fox like a 5 year old with there toy. She smiled a bit and threw her feet over the edge of her bed. She stood up slowly, not used to carrying that much weight and stretched. It was 4am and there was no way she was getting back to bed tonight. Her typical nights for the past couple of weeks. She migrated to the kitchen quietly as she opened the fridge and poked her nose in. She spotted oreos and milk and grabbed them quickly rushing back to the island table. Sitting down she begin to dig in.

" couldn't sleep again?" Someone said behind her. She jumped and saw it was ben.

" Could you not give me a friggen heart attack?" She said narrowing her eyes as he walked over and grabbed a cookie. " Back off. Im pregnant and hungry. A very dangerous combination." He laughed and dipped into her milk . Rolling her eyes she gave in. " Yeah. She's been keeping me awake for the past couple of weeks. I can't find one comfortable position." She said sadly.

" Maybe if you called mom, she could help with that." He said softly.

" Maybe if you shut the fuck up, I won't punch you in the face." She spat back.

" Just a suggestion. She's been worried you know. Shes called me almost every other day asking about you." Nikki rolled her eyes again at his statement.

" Please, she can't just walk back in my life like that. And now she's going to want to be a grandparent to my daughter? Ha. Fat effin chance." Ben frowned.

" Nicole. Shes trying. Give her that much, shes trying. Must you be so god damn stubbron all the time?" Ben pleaded. Nikki's face softened. She knew he was right. But she hated to admit she was wrong. " Just. Call her. Please? Your 7 and a half months pregnant and have NO woman to help you or prepare you for what your going to go through. You need your mother. You need her and you know it."

"I needed her all those other times and she let me down. Why should I trust her again?"

" Because people make mistakes nicole and you out of everyone should know of second chances." Ben said hotly. Sighing nikki looked down.

" Fine." She said sourly.

" thank you." he said walking around to her side and placing a kiss on her forhead. He bent down and placed his hand on her bulging belly. " Stop keeping your mother awake. Your making her more bitchy then usual." He said winking at her as she punched him in the arm.

" OW! See what I mean? Goodnight." he said kissing her forehead again and leaving her alone in her thoughts once more.

Xxxx

Nikki sat next to her cellphone tapping on the tabel nervously. She glanced at the clock , it was around 10am so that would mean it was about 8am in NY where her parents were. She needed sleep and she knew her mom would know how to cure her pain. Sighing, she grabbed her iphone dialing in her mothers number, knowing its best now or never and doing it quick like a band aid. The ring trilled on the other end and she hoped to get voice mail. But suddenly someone picked up.

" Hello?" She heard her mothers voice at the other end.

"M-Mom?" she said nervously not knowing why she felt so shaky around her mother in the first place.

"Nikki, sweetheart how are you? Hows my little grandbaby? Are you doing well? Morning sickness? Is james helping you alot?" Her mom started to bound out questions.

" Im fine, the babys good uhm I had morning sickness a couple months ago but it went away and yes james is helping me a lot." It was odd to have this conversation with her mother. She didn't understand why it was so hard to even speak to her normally.

" Thats great! I was wondering...Would you...i mean can I just...come up there for a couple days and see you? Just me not your father." She asked the nerves in her voice apparent as ever.

" sure. Of course you can. I was uhm...i was actually wondering how did you...how did you sleep when you were pregnant with me and ben? I can't find a comfortable position and my back always hurts-"

" OH! The pillow! Ill bring it when I come up there. It works miracles. Can I come up there tomorrow?"

"Uh. Sure yeah, because I can't fall asleep for shit and-"

" Great! Ill book my flight ill see you tomorrow sweetheart. Go rest you sound exhausted." One thing was right and it was that she was in dire need of sleep. Smiling to herself, thankful her mom had a quick solution she said goodbye and hung up.

" Who was that?" James asked coming up behind her. She snapped back to reality and shook her head.

" Oh, no one just my mom. Shes coming up for a couple days to see us. Plus she has a solution to my sleeping problem." she said casually. James looked at her oddly.

" Is that such a good idea? I mean you don't need stress and doesn't she bring loads of it when shes around you?" James asked concerned. Nikki rubbed her temples and closed her eyes.

" No. I think she's better now. We'll see, ill have ben here so he can keep her in line." James still seems iffy but accepts her words and kisses her softly.

" Okay but baby please don't stress out." He says thoughtfully.

Xxx

It seemed like james words had gone out the window after he had said them. Not stress out? Her mother was coming in tomorrow and the place was a fucking mess. From baby clothes everywhere to unbuilt furniture for the nursery. She had 2 men in the house and they had yet to fix anything.

" You know the least you guys could do is build the effin crib so its not a wooden pile on the floor of our living room." Nikki sneered as Ben and james both shivered at her tone.

" Babe, I just got home from the studio. Make ben do it!" James whined.

" Im sorry, did sitting on your ass at work all day hurt? Maybe you should go to iraq for a bit maybe it will be more relaxed there." Ben retorted.

" FUCK IT ILL DO IT MYSELF!" Nikki yelled throwing down the rag and windex on the counter she had been cleaning. She walked over to the crib and attempted to sit down. Growling at the fact she was unable to even squat without to falling over, she cursed under her breath. The boys watched her as she tried to manuver her way to the floor.

" Need help?" James asked laughing a bit.

" Fuck you." She spat and he sighed. After giving up she grabbed her phone and dialed someones number. " Logan, can you help me?" She said, sounding on the verge of tears. James face redened at this. Why is she calling logan for help? Of all the people she calls logan, he thought with jelousy.

" Ill do it." James said getting up and walking over to her.

" Logans coming to help." She said crossing her arms.

" Nicole, im perfectly capable of putting a crib together." He said narrowing his eyes. Suddenly the front door oepend and logan walked in smiling.

" Hey, I heard you needed some help with the crib." Logan said bending down next to james and grabbing the directions.

" Thank you." Nikki said with a smile walking out of the room and cleaning the rest of the house.

Xxx

The bell sounded throughout the appartment and nikki jumped from her skin. She made to get up but james placed a hand on her shoulder as he walked towards the door. They had spent all night cleaning and setting up some baby stuff for the nursary.

" Oh James!" She heard her mothers voice echo. " How are you sweetheart."

" Im good Ms. S." He replied shutting the door.

"Oh thats wonderful, and call me mom. Hows nikki?" she says walking into the living room and spotting nikki on the couch.

" Im dying." Nikki said her eyes closed and her voice leaking with the tone of cranky and pissed.

" Oh sweetie, This is the easy part." Her mom said sitting next to her. She groaned.

" don't say that." She said covering her eyes.

" Well I got you this." her mom says handing her a large body pillow. " This is how I slept on my sides when I was pregnant. I couldn't sleep on my back either it was the most painful expierence ever."

" Thanks." Nikki said setting the pillow on her side and laying on it. " Holy crap this thing is amazing." Her mom smiled and rubbed her back.

" Glad you like it. Oh and james this is for you!" she said handing him a book. He looked at and paled a bit. " Actually its for both of you, but its quite helpful. Wheres ben?" she siad looking around. " He's supposed to take me shopping in LA."

" he should be back-" Suddenly the door opened cutting off nikki from her statement.

" Im here! Come on mom, lets go and let nikki rest." Ben said smiling, her mom bid them a quick goodbye and walked out with her brother. James slid down next to nikki , the book still in his hand.

" What to expect when your expecting... Is crap supposed to help us?" James said tosssing it on the coffee tabel. Nikki leaned over and grabbed it flipping it open to the middle. Her eyes landed on a particular picture and she gasped throwing it down.

" OH MY GOD! WHAT THE HELL!" she said burrying her head into james shoulder. He looked at her oddly.

" Oh please it can't be that-" But he let out a scream turning it to the page she had seen and threw It down holding her tight. " IM NEVER HAVING SEX AGAIN!" He said kicking it off the table.

" Why not?" Logan said walking in with carlos and kendall trailing behind. He spotted the book on the floor and picked it up. Laughing he flipped open and his smile faded. " What the fuck. That was not in my textbook."

" What wasn't?" carlos said snatching it from him. His eyes widened. " I think im gonna be sick." He said covering his mouth.

" Why?" Kendall said taking it and sharing the same shocked expression. He dropped it to the ground and shuddered. " What the hell did I just see?"

" Thats to gruesome even for the most extreme horror gore movies." carlos said paling terribly. James nodded and held nikki close.

" Babe? Are you okay?" He asked as she shook her head without saying a word. " Nikki look at me whats wrong?"

" I...I don't think I can do this. Im scared." She said softly not lifting her head up. James looked to his friends and frowned.

" Nikki, you're going to be fine." Logan said rubbing her back. She shook her head and burried it deeper into james. " I knew you should've signed up for those birthing classes."

" We didn't need those stupid classes logan." James said rolling his eyes.

" She'd be less scared if she actually knew what was going to happen to her." Logan retorted. James knew he was right, but like his wife, he'd rather not give into fact of him being wrong.

" Maybe we should go to one." James whispered. Nikki looked up.

" No." She said sternly.

" Nik, It'll help us both. We have NO idea what we're getting into. We don't even know how to change a diaper." James said pushing the hair from her face.

" speak for yourself. It comes natrually to a women." she said nonchallantly. James rolled his eyes.

"well im not going alone. Logan can you still get us in one of them?"

" sure I can see what I can-" Logan started.

" James, the press is going to eat us alive."

" Nicole. I don't care if they hire a pregnant chick just to get into the fucking class with us. We need to go once." He said thickly. Sighing in defeat, she nodded.

" Fine." she said burrying her head back into his chest.


	18. Chapter 18

2 weeks later and was most deffinately not ready for this baby class. It was nerve racking enough knowing she was going to have to push a baby out , but the fact the teacher stood there saying it could take days to happen was making her more shakey then necessary. There was 5 other couples there besides them so she wasn't as uncomfortable.

" Now, who here is a first time parent?" the teacher asked sweetly. James and nikki both raised there hands along with everyone else. " Okay so, we are going to start out by doing breathing excersizes." She said explaining to everyone to take there partners hands and breathe in through the mouth and out through the nose. The worst part was that wasn't even the awkward part. The teacher decided that the showing the birth video was much more educational. It was worse the the texas chainsaw massacre and she could feel her nerves start to impload again.

" How is that even possible." James whispered as she starred at the screen blankly. When the video ended she handed everyone a fake baby doll. " Please tell me our baby will be more cuter then this." James said with a smile holding up the distorted looking doll. Nikki giggled for the first itme that day and slapped his arm.

" Your horrible." she said taking it from him and holding it close.

" No , im serious. Im not holding her till after the nurses clean her up cause she is going to be covered in-" But nikki held up her hand shutting him up before she threw up her lunch. Just because she was over morning sickness doesn't mean she didn't still get nauseus. He smiled.

" Okay now we are going to learn to change a diaper." the teacher explained as she instructed them step by step. James tried first.

" How the fuck do you tape this?" He said attempting to tape it the diaper shut.

" Your retarted here." Nikki said grabbing the doll and lifting up the feet and sliding a new diaper under it then pulling off the old one and taping up the new one. James watched her intently.

" How do you know how to do that?" He asked scrunching up his face.

" Im a woman. We're programed to know these things." she said smiling at him. He laughed.

Xxx

By the time 8 and half weeks rolled around, the only thing nikki could do was sit on her couch and watch tv. Everything from her ankles to back hurt. She could usually handle pain but having to carry this much weight was killing her. James sat next to her as she cuddled into him. He rubbed her belly soothingly as everyone sat around them for movie night. Something they all insisted on after the hetic weeks they had had. Logan smiled over to them seeing nikki happy was something he loved dearly. This girl who had gone through hell and back was finally in a stable place in her life.

" How has she been?" Logan asked intertwining his fingers in camilles.

" Good I guess. She can sleep now which is good." James said brushing the hair from her face and smiling. She groaned and cuddled into him more. " I just feel so bad." He says softly.

" why?" carlos questioned as he stuffed his face with popcorn.

" Because, I feel so helpless towards her. Ive done everything I could and I just want her to be comfortable. But they say the last 2 months are living hell."

" Dude, its not your fault. She's fine. Shes a big girl." Kendall said smiling. James shrugged and looked back at his sleeping wife.

" I guess." he replied.

Xxx

Nikki felt a sharp pain shoot through her and figured it was from the way she fell asleep last night on james. She groaned and got up wincing with every step. Within 15 minutes she felt the pain once more pulsating through her lower back. She gripped onto the wall and gasped. Fox bounded around the cornor barking at her.

" Fox SHUSH! Your going to wake james!" She said harshly as the dog stayed put by her side. He must've known something was wrong as he's never stayed that close to her. She inhaled and walked into the kitchen. If she was going into labor, she wasn't ready. Nor was she going to tell her husband considering today they had an acoustic set at a radio station today. Gustavo would flip a shit if they had missed that, which she knows they would. She glanced at the clock it was bout 10am and she needed to get ready to possibly hide the pain on her face.

12 rolled around, and everyone was headed to the radio station. James talked excitededly with everyone, as nikki bit her tongue to hide her whimpers. Logan must've noticed something wasn't right because he gave her a look and mouthed if she was okay. She closed her eyes tightly and plastered a fake smile on her face. She mouthed back she was fine and her back hurt. She knew he didn't buy it for shit but it was better then having them turn the car around miss this important gig.

They arrived at the venue and everyone unloaded, james helping nikki out as she fought to keep her composure. I mean her water had yet to break and she wouldn't be in that servere of labor then right? Hopefully, she thought. The guys sat around getting ready to go on in 5 minutes. When they walked onstage everyone cheered loudly and they sat down on there stools. Nikki stood side stage gripping a pole that she happened to be leaning agianst. Within every 10 minutes her pain would show itself and she knew she couldn't hold it much longer. Haley looked at her worried as she now had no way of hiding the pain through her facial features.

" Nicole, are you okay?" Haley said holding her hand. She finally bit her lip and let tears fall from her eyes.

" N-No." She whispered. Haley gasped as noticed nikki's water break and quickly screamed for someone to help stand nikki up as she hunched over. James heard haley's call of distress as he pulled out his inner ear. His face paled as she noticed his wife holding onto haley for dear life. Within seconds he jumped from the stool, knocking it over and running to her.

" NIKKI!" he called as he heard the guys follow him. He stopped in front of her helping her up. " Haley what the hell happened?!" He asked hurridly.

" She...She...her water broke!" Haley said scared. Carlos wrapped his arms around haley as james and logan helped nikki up.

" Its okay nik, your going to be okay." James whispered reassuringly. He wasn't to sure himself though, which scared him more then it should. The guys got her to the black escalade waiting out front. Nikki gripped there arms as they slid in with her. Carlos slid in back with kendall as haley hopped up front with the driver.

" Shh its gonna be okay." James said. " Just breathe!"

" OH SHUT UP WITH THE FUCKIN BREATHING! IT DOESN'T WORK FOR SHIT!" she yelled everyone jumped. Logan smiled a bit. Suddenly she felt another pain and gasped throwing her head back. " LOGAN! Is it supposed to hurt this bad?"

" THIS IS SO GOING ON YOUTUBE!" carlos said excitededly pulling out his phone. Everyone glared at him.

" Carlos..." Nikki warned him and then cursed.

" Instagram?" He said innoncently.

" CARLOS!" everyone screamed at once and he held his hands up in defense. Nikki dug her nails into james hand.

"OW BABE! THAT HURTS!" james whined. She merrily threw a glare in his way.

" OH DOES IT? ARE YOU ABOUT TO PUSH A BABY OUT OF YOUR FUCKING-" But she was cut off by the pain and whimpered. James frowned. He hated to see in her this pain. He ran his hand up and down her back.

" Logan is she supposed to be in this much pain?" James asked cautiously.

" It depends on the person!" Logan said back.

" ARE WE ALMOST FUCKING THERE!?" She yelled in between them. Suddenly they came to a hault and she let out a breath of reliefe as she saw the ER ahead. logan and james helped her out slowly and carefully as she whimpered. They rushed up to the front desk.

" Hi , yes my wife is in labor!" James yelled nervously. The nurse nodded and paged for a wheel chair.

" James I don't know if I can-" She winced and sat down in the wheel chair. " I don't know if I can do this." She said, fear leaking in her voice. James frowned and bent down grabbing her hand as she attemtped to steady her breathing.

" You can do this. We can do this. Okay?" He said kissing her hand and letting them wheel her away. The doctor walked up to logan and james.

" Which ones the father?" He asked as logan pointed to james. They handed him scrubs. " we'll call you when she's ready." he said running down the hall after her. James starred at the scrubs in his hand and looked up at logan.

" I don't know if I can do this logan." He said paling and becoming shakey.

" James are you insane? Nikki needs you." Logan said. " James you can do anything. Just breathe and be there for your wife."

" James your gonna be fine." Kendall said slapping him on the back reassuringly.

" yeah dude. Your ready to be a dad." Carlos said smiling. A dad. James was going to be a dad. He inhaled and pulled on the scrubs quickly. Suddenly the doctor opened the door and motioned him to come in. His heart pounding agianst his rib cage.

" You got this james." Logan whispered squeezing his shoulder reassuringly. He nodded and walked down the hall.

Xx

James walked into the room, he immediately ran to nikkis side holding her hand tightly. She was weakly tearing up as he ran a hand over her head. He leaned down and looked her in the eyes.

" Your going to be fine nikki. Im right here." She nodded at his voice and heard the doctor tell her to push. James tightened his grip on her hand as she dug her nails into his skin. He winced. Nikki let out a scream cursing left and right.

" Okay push." the doctor repeated. She braced herself once more and pushed harder screaming louder.

" James it...james it hurts." She pleaded.

" Come baby, You can do this okay. I believe in you." He said softly as she fell back in defeat.

" One more big push ready?" the doctor ordered. She bit down on her lip and tensed up when suddenly she relaxed all that could be heard was the sound of a screaming baby. " congradulations! ITS A GIRL!" The doctor said handing her to the nurses behind him. James eyes landed on her. She was perfect. Flawless. He could feel himself start to cry but didn't care because every loving emotion he had was roaring to the surface. He turned to nikki who was also in tears, and bent down pressing his lips to hers.

" She's perfect." he whispered kissing her again. Nikki grabbed his hand and smiled.

"Here she is." The nurse said causing james to turn around and be handed his beautiful baby daughter. She had his eyes but her mothers nose and both of there smiles put together. She was tiny and could littearlly fit in just his one hand. He sniffled, nervously holding her. He had never held a baby before, but was slightly more relaxed then he thought he would be. He held her close as she slowly opened and closed her eyes. James leaned down and handed her to nikki . She smiled and took her gently, still in tears.

" h-hi beautiful. Im your mommy." she whispered as the baby blinked at her. She laughed a bit. "We're going to name you ellie." She said softly.

" S-shes perfect nikki." James said still shaking due to him crying. Nikki looked up.

" I can't believe we're parents." Nikki said wiping her face.

" I know. This is crazy." He said running his finger across ellies soft black hair. " Hi, ellie. Its daddy. Remember? The one who sang you to sleep at night." He placed his pinki in her small hand and she gripped it. His smile grew and he laughed a bit. " Your amazing you know that?" he said leaning in and kissing nikki once more.

" Its all because of you." She replied as he smiled into her kiss. Ellie gurgled and they laughed.

The nurse walked over to them.

" we need to take her to the nursery for a bit." She said taking ellie. James and nikki frowned. " Don't worry she'll be upfront so you can see her. Whats her full name again?"

" Ellie Rose Diamond." James replied quickly. The nurse nodded and walked out. James looked back at nikki. " Im going to go tell everyone okay? Rest." he said kissing her softly. She nodded and laid back falling asleep almost instantly. James walked out a bit shakey and down the hall. Suddenly he spotted everyone in the waiting room, The guys , lucy haley and camille , ben and surprisingly kelly and gustavo along with katie and Mama knight. He smiled wildly, he had stopped crying but could feel the tears fall again. Everyones head shot up at his footsteps. They stood up looking at him hopefully.

" She's perfect." He said softly. Logan , kendall and carlos ran up and hugged him congratulating him.

" Hows nikki?" Logan asked curiously.

" She's resting." Everyone nodded. " It was...it was amazing. She's so tiny , I can fit her in my hand." He didn't really have many words to share since he was still in a state of shock. " wanna see her?" He said walking over to the nursary window. Everyone followed him excitededly. He immediately found Ellie up front. She was waving her arms up and down and smiling. He laughed a bit and felt logan clap him on the back.

" Man shes gorgeous." he said tapping on the glass.

" Shes beautiful james, she has your eyes." haley said also tapping on the glass.

" congrats man, you did an amazing job." Kendall said squeezing his other shoulder. He nodded and smiled as ellie giggled again.

" she's such a happy baby." Camille said leaning into logan . " Logan I want a baby." She said sadly. Everyone looked at her as logan paled.

"Uh..." logan said stuttering.

" After we get married of course." she said laughing. He nervously nodded and laughed.

Xxxx

James sat in the room holding Ellie as everyone sat around him and nikki. James wouldn't look away from her , she was to prefect.

" You look like a dad." carlos said queitly. James didn't look up but smiled.

" I feel like one." He said softly.

" can I hold her?" Logan asked. James looked up at him and nodded.

" Of course." He said handing her to him. He took her carefully, but you can tell he was nervous.

" Hi ellie, its your uncle logan." He said rocking her back and forth gently. " Yeah im the one whos going to teach you about books and reading and-"

" That craps boring!" Carlos whined as logan narrowed his eyes at him. He held his hands out and james reluctantly nodded for the okay of logan handing her off to carlos. Carlos surprisingly took her carefully and smiled. " Hi ellie, im your cool uncle, im gonna teach you to play hockey and ice skate and play road hockey and skateboard and-"

" Carlos she can barely open her eyes don't be retarted now let me hold her!" Kendall argued taking hold of her and immediately brightening up. " Well hello gorgeous," He looked up at james who was now cuddled next to nikki on the bed. " You guys did a good job." He said with a laugh. James intertwined his fingers in nikkis and smiled to himself. It was amazing to him that within in seconds of seeing his baby girl he developed a love like no other. Everything she did was beautiful to him. When he looked at her, he was instantly happy and nothing could deflate his emotion.


	19. Chapter 19

It had been a couple of since they left the hospital and braught ellie home. She had yet to get on a schedual and would wake up almost every hour screaming. James and nikki took turns but it still didn't help. Nikki laid cuddled up into james as wrapped his arms around her tightly. Suddenly they groaned in unison hearing an alarming scream from the next room over. Nikki sighed and rolled out of the comfort of his arms and walked into ellie 's room picking her up.

" Ellie please let mommy and daddy sleep. Its 4am." she whined rocking ellie back and forth. She walked over to the fridge and growled under her breath that all the bottles that night have been used. She sighed and walked back into her and james room , leaning her back against the beds headboard and positioning ellie to she could breast feed her. She leaned her head back and then glanced at james who was sleeply watching them. He stroked ellies head gently and gave nikki a weak smile. " Yeah aren't you a lucky bastard. You get to cuddle up and sleep. Meanwhile I have to sit here and breastfeed our baby for the next 10 minutes." He laughed a bit.

"Sorry im not a woman." he muttered.

" Oh your not? Your cup size is bigger then mine, maybe you should be." She retorted. He narrowed his eyes at her.

" Someones in a fowl mood." He said stretching his arms out.

" sorry im not more perky for you at 4am after 3 hours of sleep." She sighed and closed her eyes. Suddenly she felt him press his lips to her forhead.

" Its okay baby. I understand." He said sitting up next to her. When ellie was done, she fixed herself and made to burp her. James reached over though and took hold of her leaning her on his shoulder and patted her back gently. Ellie burped and he smiled wiping the dribble off her chin. " All better baby girl?" he said softly kissing her cheek. She closed her eyes and cuddled into his chest. Nikki bit her lip and took her iphone out snapping a picture.

" Picture perfect." she whispered. James smiled and rubbed Ellies back soothingly. Getting her to sleep instantly. " she's so tiny. She can fit in your hand." James smiled and looked up at nikki.

" Thanks for making me a daddy." He said softly. Nikki bit her lip and cuddled up next to him.

" Thanks for making me a mommy." She said back kissing him passionately.

Xxxx

James fell down drained next to nikki's form on there bed. Ellie had woken up at around 4:45am and it was now rounding about 10am. She had just fallen asleep and they both planned on taking an all day nap.

" KNOCK KNOCK!" Kendall screamed throwing open the door with a bang. James and Nikki shot up and james immediately bounded out of the room. He ran towards the living room waving his arms and tripped over a step falling to the ground dramatically with a thud.

" FUCK!" He screamed grabbing his nose as nikki came in after him. She covered her mouth and gasped.

" GOOOD MORNING!" carlos yelled from in back of kendall.

" SHHHH! We just got her to sleep!" nikki yelled dangerously.

" Oh fuck babe. My nose! I think I broke it!" James whined rolling around on the floor. Nikki frowned and helped him up.

" Kitchen all of you." She said as they all walked over to the kitchen area. Nikki sat james down on a stool next to the island and ran to the fridge for an ice pack.

" Whoa. You guys look like shit." Logan said biting into a bagel they had braught.

Nikki narrowed her eyes at him and held an ice back to james nose. " better baby?" He nodded. " We have a fucking 2 week old now, can you guys learn to knock?" she said hotly.

" Someones pissy." Carlos whispered, kendall nodding in agreement.

" Yeah well if a new born decided to keep you up all night . Im sure the feeling would be mutual." James defended. Carlos held his hands up in defense and sat down next to james.

" just knock time okay?" she pleaded.

" Why? She didn't wake up." Carlos said shrugging. Suddenly there was a piercing scream and nikk and james groaned.

" I got her." Nikki muttered walking into ellies room and picking her up. She walked back inside trying to calm her down but failing terribly. Instead logan walked over and took her in his arms cuddling her close.

" What happened ellie? Did carlos wake you? Hmm?" She started to calm down as logan stroked her back.

" Asshole." carlos said under his breath as everyone laughed.

Xxx

Months flew by and soon ellie was sitting up on her own, laughing and giggling as james blew into her stomach. He starred down at his perfect daughter and wondered how he had gotten so lukcy. She was a perfect 5 month old. She had his eyes but her mothers smile and was blessed with huge dimples on her cheeks. Her hair started to grow in a bit more and darkened up to a brown/black. She was the perfect blend of him and nikki and even though she was a tough new born she was going to be a fun little toddler.

" All better? God I can't wait till your potty trained." he said kissing her cheek making her giggle and grab his glasses. " Oh no baby girl, those are daddys. No ellie not in the-" But he was too late as she had already started to chew on the rim of his rayban styled frames. " mouth. You know. Your lucky your cute otherwise you wouldn't get away with shit." He said groaning and wiping them off on his shirt. He scooped her up and she smiled grabbing his hair. " OW! Ellie rose! No thank you!" He said attempting to pull his hair out of her grasp.

" What are you doing to daddy ms ellie?" Nikki said from behind him. " come here." she said taking ahold her daughter and kissing her cheek." Nikki smiled and looked over at a distraught james.

"Where have you been? Gustavos going to have a shit fit cause im an hour late." He said grumpily. Nikki rolled her eyes.

" Im sorry that I was stuck behind every asshole in LA. Maybe you should've just taken her with you. Im sure she would've loved to see her daddy work. Right ellie?" Nikki cooed as ellie gurgled and burried her face in nikkis neck.

" Sure. Fall asleep when mommy gets home but when daddy's watching you have a tantrum when its time to nap." James mummbled.

" Oh and when you get back, leave the attitude at the studio or don't bother coming back at all." Nikki smirked.

" Sorry, I just hate being late." He grumbled. Nikki sighed.

" I know. I tried to get here fast. My interview ended late." She said sadly.

" How'd it go?" He pressed on lacing up his boots.

" Your late ill tell you later." She said looking down at ellie.

" Hey, How about we go on a date tonight. Just you and me. The guys can watch ellie." James asked. Nikki's head shot up. He never let the guys watch her before. They offered all the time but james had a thing about letting the guys be alone with ellie to long since carlos and logan were bickering and she hit her head on the coffee table. Plus he got way to over protective and would annoy the guys calling them every 10 minutes.

" Are you sure?" She said bouncing ellie up and down. James smiled warmly and nodded. " yeah, id love that baby." She said kissing him softly before he smiled and pressed his lips to ellies head.

" Be good for mommy. Bye nik, ill see you guys tonight." He said walking out the door.

Xxx

" Now are you sure you guys are okay with her. Because we can have dinner in the appartment and-" Nikki started nervously.

" Nicole, for the 10th time we're fine. Shes asleep. We're all going to watch movie and when she wakes up we'll feed her a bottle-" Logan started.

" And give her some baby food I put in the fridge, just a little not all of it since we're still introducing it to her okay." logan nodded.

" She's gonna be fine." Logan said hugging nikki. " Besides, camille haley and lucy are here. They know what to do." Nikki sighed and nodded,

" Okay. I trust you." She said pulling away and walking after james. The guys made themselves cozy on the couch as they heard nikki and james leave.

"PARTY!" carlos yelled excitedly grabbing his iphone. Logan laughed sarcastically and snatched it away leaving carlos with a frown.

" Ha, no. We're babysitting a baby not the appartment." Logan snapped.

" But babysitting is boring when she's asleep." He said sadly.

" well maybe next time you won't let her hit her head on a friggin table and we'll be able to watch her while she's awake." Logan said snarkly.

" Uhm. It takes 2 to argue. And you were the other person in that fight." carlos crossed his arms.

" Yeah but it takes one patron to start it-" Logan pressed on.

" How about you guys shut it before you wake up ellie and we're all fucked for the next 2 hours." Kendall suggested hotly causing carlos and logan to instantly quiet down. Suddenly the girls walked in, food and movies in hand. " Jeeze what took you guys so long?"

" Sorry we had to get a movie." Lucy stuck her tounge out at kendall as he pulled her on his lap.

" Okay, theres titanic, the notebook, remember me, 500 days of summer-" camille started.

" How about we watch something that doesn't involve lame ass love stories." Logan asked with smile.

" How about you shut up and listen?" Camille snapped at him. Taken aback he held up his hands in defense.

" ha ha." carlos said pointing and laughing as haley slapped him upside his head. He frowned and they put in paranormal activitey 3. One they all seemed to agree on.

About an hour into the movie a piercing scream filled the air and they all jumped and screamed. Realizing it was just ellie, logan got up and walked into her room flipping the light on. He heard the guys pause the movie and smiled to the big hazel eyes starring up at him.

" What happened baby girl. Come here." He said lifting her up in his arms and tossing her over his shoulder walking back into the kitchen patting her back. " Lets see what mommy left you." He says placing her in the high chair and strapping her in and then opening the fridge. Ellie fidgeted and made noises getting impatient with how slow logan was. " God, you must get the patients from your mother." he groaned grabbing the food dish and warming it up. He set it down and she starred at it. Logan turned back to grab her bottle . Suddenly he heard a clank and spun on his heel to find ellie covered in her mashed vegtables. His jaw dropped.

" Ellie!" He screamed taking the dish from her hand. She giggled. " No ellie. We don't make messes!"

" Everything okay in- Uhm why is ellie covered in her food?" kendall asks leaning on the counter.

" Oh I don't know because maybe she grabbed the dish and dumped it on herself?" Logan snapped trying to wipe her down.

" Hey man at least she likes it." He says gesturing to ellie who was sucking on her fingers. She held her hand out to logan who made a disgusted face.

" No thanks." he mumbles cleaning her up just enough to be able to feed her the rest of the food from her other dish. He scoops up the mashed and goes to feed it to her but she stares at him blankly. " Ellie open up." She tightens her lips and goes to grab the spoon. " No ellie open up say ah!" she stares at him once more.

" Here let me try." Kendall says grabbing the spoon and holding it up to ellies mouth. " Open ellie!" Ellie opens her mouth a bit and kendall spoons in the food as he smirks in victory to logan. Suddenly he heres a babble and the food is now coating his face. Logan bursts out laughing as everyone else enters the kitchen following his gesture. " Oh its so funny. Here you feed her." He says forcing the spoon into lucys hand who hands it carlos who hands it to camille and down to haley. Haley sighs and sits down .

" Okay ellie, open wide!" She says as ellie opens her mouth and she spoons it in. Ellie starts to swallow it and gurgle a bit. " Ha, I win." She says with a wink. Everyone frowns having not been successful and lets haley finish up feeding her. When it comes time for her bottle, logan picks up ellie and walks into the bathroom , sitting her in her baby tub. He turns on the water and gently rinses her off from head to toe, making sure all the baby food was gone. After he dried her off and dressed her he walked back into the living room, taking the bottel from the counter and sitcking it in her mouth. He sat down on the couch and watched her drink, all the while smiling to her. He knew he shouldn't have thought this. And he knew he regretted it sometimes. But every now and then, he wonders what it would have been like if he and nikki had stayed together. If him and nikki had gotten married and this was his daughter he was feeding. It crossed his mind for the past years or so and of course he was happy with camille he was in love with her. He wanted a family with her and everything but there were these deep deep feelings under him that he had the smallest bit of love for nikki still.

" Logan? Loooogan?" Someone sang in front of his face. He shook himself out of his thoughts and smiled. Everyone was starring at him oddly. " Are you okay?" Camille asked concerned after waving her hand in front of his face.

" Wha-Oh yeah no im great. Im gonna put her to bed." he whispered getting up and walking into the nursary. He laid her down and smiled brushing her hair back. " goodnight beautiful."

xxx

Nikki and james walked in quietly, nikkis eyes landed on the logan, carlos , kendall asleep on lucy, haley and camille. She smiled to herself. James noticed and laughed a bit.

" Should we wake them?" He whispered wrapping his arms around her waist.

" Nahh, logans an ass when he's woken up so is haley. Just leave them." she said softly. " But as for you." she said seductively grabbing his collar and pulling him down and sliding her tounge down his throat. He moaned.

" wanna take this to the bedroom." He said grabbing her hands and kissing her palms.

" Is the black fiskar karma gustavo lent you guys still down stairs in the parking garage?" She said biting her bottom lip.

" Race you." he said running back out the door and she followed in pursuite closing the door quietly.

When they reached the parking lot elevator, she jumped ontop of him wrapping her legs around his waist. He moaned carrying her to the black car parked in the back and popping it open. He slid in with her still attached to him , placing her on his lap. She straddled him and started to unbutton his white dress shirt running her hands over his abs. He moaned into her kiss lifting up her dress above her waist and sliding his hand between her thighs. His fingers slid inside of her with out warning as he mssaged her clit with his thumb. She gasped and gripped his neck moaning his name.

" F-fuck me james Please." She begged as he pulled his fingers out leaving her wet and waiting. She bit her lip to keep her from screaming. She felt him harden under her and quickly unziped his dress jeans. She slipped them down along with his boxer briefs revealing his throbbing cock. She stroked it a bit making him arch his back and dig his nails into the leather. She smirked at the payback and slowly inched into her. Adjusting to his size she burried her face in his neck and bit into his shoulder. He winced and started to bounce her up and down on his dick. She gripped the seat behind him and manuvered her hips back and forth making him close his eyes and then dig his fingers into her hips.

" OH fuck nik. Yes!" He screamed making her breathing quicken. She began to bounce harder , making there skin slap against one anothers. He bit his tounge attempting not to yell out and growl. She pressed her lips to his and could feel his thighs tense under her. Suddenly he hit her g-spot and she gasped pressing there foreheads together.

"Oh god james." She said unable to catch her breath. " J-James im gonna-" She felt him cum inside her, coating her inner walls and she moaned his name, reaching her climax as well. They fell into one another and riding out there orgasims. Nikki pecked james teasingly and he smiled.

"God I missed that." he whispered, pushing the sweaty hair from her face.

" S..same." She said cuddling into his neck. He glanced at his iphone. It was 3am.

" come on. Lets get back up there." He said softly. She nodded not getting up and he fixed himself and her dress. " want me to carry you." She nodded once more and he laughed picking her up and locking up the car.


	20. Chapter 20

Ellie bounded around the cornor, running towards fox who was ahead of her. Nikki ran up behind her holding out her arms hoping she doesn't fall. She was about 9 months now and fully mobile, giving everyone around her anxiety that she was going to be trouble. Nikki gasped and held out her hands as ellie fell backwards into them gigggling.

" Ellie! ELLIE DON'T-" But it was too late as she pulled down the tabelcloth and the bowl of fruit crashed to the floor. " do that." She groaned and walked over cleaning it up as ellie ran away continuing to chase fox.

" IM HOME!" James voice echoed through the appartment.

" Kitchen!" nikki yelled back tossing the fruit into the garbage. Suddenly she heard footsteps bound around the cornor along with the sound of paws scratching the floor.

" DADAH!" ellie squealed.

" ELLIE CAKES! Did you miss daddy? Yes?" james said excitedly. She heard him blow on ellies stomach and ellie giggled and squealed. He walked into the kitchen and smiled to nikki. " You look happy." He said with a smirk, holding tightly to ellie.

" Yes well ive been chasing our daughter around. Ever since she learned to stand up last month, my job as mom got harder." nikki said rolling her eyes. James smiled and tickled ellie making her bounce around in his arms.

" Any reason she's only in a diaper?" he asked taking a bite of a strawberry nikki had to cut up.

" Yeah, she decided to drench herself in milk and cereal. I went to put on a onsie but they were all in the wash." She said licking her fingers.

" Awh, sounds like your giving mommy a hard time." James said to the little girl in his arms. She burried her face and cuddled into his neck. He rubbed her back. " Looks like someone is sorry mommy."

" Yeah until she does it again." She mummbled.

" WHERE IS MY NIECE!?" Ben screamed throwing open the door to the apartment. Nikki rolled her eyes as ellie jumped up and down in james arms. She held her hands out ben and he smiled instantly. He walked over and grabbed ellie kissing her cheek and holding her tight.

His eyes landed on nikki.

" You look like hell." He said bouncing ellie up and down.

" So will you if you guys keep bouncing her up and down after she just ate." Nikki said pulling her hair back in a pony tail.

" Yikes." ben said raising an eye brow and putting ellie on the floor. She toddled over to fox who was laying down and fell next to him grabbing his ball. Ben looked back at his sister slightly concerned.

"Nik, im serious. You look like you've been cooped up in here all day." He said walking over and pushing her bangs back. He put a hand on her head and she pulled away.

" IM FINE!" She said pushing his hand down. He sighed and grabbed a strawberry as she slapped his arm. " Will you two stop that?!"

" Okay, Your not usually this bitchy, whats up?" Ben said crossing his arms. She narrowed her eyes.

"Moms coming. And dad, his new bimbo, and now james parents are flying in. Lets just say im a bit overwhelmed." she turned to james . " Thanks a lot for finishing your new album. You couldn't wait till the kid turned one?"

" HEY! Its not my fault my parents wanted to come in this weekend! How come your mom and dad can come anytime they want?" James said with a frown.

" Because I know my parents and how to act around them. Not only do I have to attempt to impress them, but now your mom as well."

" Well, I didn't ask her to so don't get pissy at me." He said narrowing his eyes.

" IM NOT!" she snapped. He jumped a bit at her sudden volume change and she relaxed a bit. " Im sorry. Im not. Im just stressed okay?" She said turning back to throw the food in the dish. She felt james snake his arms around her waist and kiss up and down her neck. She attempted to hide the growing smile on her face and looked down.

" Just breathe baby girl." He whispered. Ben cleared his throat and james jumped back blushing a bit.

" Fine. Hey where's ellie?" She said realizing it was a bit quite in here. Her eyes widened when she noticed she wasn't in the room. She dropped the knife and fruit running into the back hall. James and ben called out looking for her, but there was no response. Suddenly nikki spotted the front door ajar and gasped.

" Oh my god. ELLIE!" she screamed throwing it open and seeing ellie running down the hall after fox. " ELLIE STATUE!" she screamed and ellie stalled for a second smiling. She ran down the hall grabbing ahold of ellie before she took another step. Ellies smile fell and she immediately burst out crying.

" NO!" she yelled in nikkis ear.

" ELLIE ROSE DIAMOND. You are so getting in that playpen now!" She said harshly as ellie struggled in her grasp. She walked back into the appartment and sat ellie in her crib as she jumped up and down screaming. Fox trotted back through the door and she closed it. James and ben walked back into the living room out of breath.

" Where was she?" james said panting a bit. Nikki put her hands on her hips.

" Walking down the fuckin hallway- Can you guys please fucking watch her?!" She said aggrivated.

" Nicole language!" James warned, growing angrier.

" well maybe if you'd effin keep an eye on your daughter she wouldn't been hightailing it the hell out of here!" she yelled over ellies screams of protest.

" IM SORRY I WAS TRYING TO FUCKING HELP YOU!" james screamed back at her. She frowned and got quite going back to cutting up the watermelon. James regretted yelling at her instantly and watched her get silent. He sighed and rubbed his forhead. " Im sorry I didn't mean to yell." He said sadly. She didn't acknowledge his apology and finished the fruit. Giving up for now he walks over to ellie and picks her up taking her inside. She put it in the fridge throwing the knife in. She gasped and grabbed her hand quickly cursing left and right.

" What happened?" Ben asked walking around to her. She bit her lip trying not to cry out in pain.

" I cut my finger." She said grabbing a rag and wrapping it around. Ben walked over and took her hand opening it.

" Ouch, Hang on." He sais grabbing the first aid kit and starting to bandage her up.

She watches james renter with ellie in her onsie pjs and smiles to herself as he cuddles her up. She's still really tiny and petite and nikki can see her becoming her size. James looked over and frowned.

" What happened?" He asked putting ellie down and walking over to them.

" Nothing I cut my hand." She said mumbling. Ben finished bandaging her and she walks past james and to ellie picking her up.

"Im gonna go see logan about this." She said under her breath as she walked out the door.

Xxx

" Say logie!" Nikki said poking ellies tummy. Ellie giggled and looked at the door. She opened her arms.

" GIE!" she yelled. Nikki giggled and the door opened to reveal logan smiling wildly.

" LEE-LEE!" He said taking hold of the over excited 9 month old. She wrapped her arms around logan and nudged into his chest. " aww I missed you to baby girl. What happened to you?" He asked looking up at nikki. She frowned and walked in.

" Fucking james. Being an ass." she mumbled sitting on the couch and putting her head back.

" You know you should stress so much. Its not good for you." Logan said setting ellie to the floor and slumping down next to her. She rested her head on his shoulder. " Im guessing he told you about tour huh?" Her head shot up and she eyed him.

" tour?" Logan paled realizing he may have just set up world war 3. She jumped up and ran for the door. " Watch ellie."

" nikki don't-" Logan started.

" LOGAN. WATCH ELLIE!" she snapped at him. He scooped up ellie and made to follow her as she walked back into her appartment door. James jumped at it being thrown open and ben's eyes widened. He ran over and grabbed ellie from logan and walked back to logans appartment not wanting her to witness the war that was about to go down. " TOUR?!" nikkis voice pierced james and he paled.

" YOU TOLD HER?!" he yelled at logan.

" I THOUGHT YOU HAD AND THATS WHY SHE WAS UPSET!" logan screamed in defense.

" YOU'RE GOING ON TOUR AND YOU FORGOT TO TELL ME?!" She yelled. Getting defensive himself, james inhaled deeply.

" NO! I DIDN'T FORGET TO TELL YOU! I WAS GOING TO TELL YOU WHEN YOU WERE MORE CALM, BUT SOMEBODY HAD TO FUCKING OPEN THERE MOUTH!" he starrred daggers at logan.

" DON'T BLAME HIM FOR SOMETHING YOU FORGOT TO FUCKING DO!" She snapped.

" WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM NICOLE?! YOU'VE HAD A FUCKING BUG UP YOUR ASS SINCE I GOT HOME! GO TAKE A FUCKIN MIDOL IF YOUR SO GOD DAMN MOODY!"

" I CAN'T!"

" OH REALLY WHY THE FUCK NOT?!"

" BECAUSE I THINK IM PREGNANT!" She covered her mouth and gasped. fuck fuck fuck. She closed her eyes. Everything was silent. James paled along with logan. Even ben poked his head out from down the hall.

"W-what?" James said shaking. She didn't respond, and instead let tears fall from her eyes. "how...how do you know?" he asked getting dangerously quiet.

" I-Im late." She started to shake as well sinking into the couch. Logan stood with his jaw dropped and slowly walked back to his appartment to give nikki and james some privacy. All the while , shocking settling into him. Pregnant? Again? He thought to himself. For some odd reason he felt like something wasn't right. Brushing it off he walked in and picked up ellie.

Xx

" What's it say?" James asked from outside the bathroom door. His arms were crossed and he couldn't decide if he should be excited or nervous or what.

" I don't know yet we have to wait 5 minutes." She said opening the door with the pregnancy test in her hand. She bit her lip and put it on the dresser. She sat down on the bed slowly, starring at it. James walked over and sat beside her. After about a minute of silence, nikki spoke up. " James I...i don't know if I can handle another baby right now." She whispered a tear falling down her cheek.

" hey," He said taking her hands in his. " we can do this."

" No james. We can't. I can barely handle ellie, and with you away on tour this...this could never work." she could feel her emotions hit overload and she burst out crying into james shoulder. He wrapped his arms around her rubbed her back soothingly.

" Nikki, Im here. We can do this. Me and you are a team okay? That's what marriage is. Being there for one another." He said quietly. Suddenly his iphone beeped indicating it had been 5 minutes. They both starred at the test, afraid to flip it over. It was like playing russian roulette.

" Ready?" He said looking back at her. She didn't take her eyes off it and nodded.

" yes." She said taking ahold of it and flipping it over. She paled and looked up at him.

" What does it say?" He said nervously.

" Positive." She whispered handing him the test strip. He grabbed it and examined it. They had got the extremely accurate one, with the digital effects and everything to make sure. In big black print it said 'pregnant.'. Within seconds his head went into overdrive, trying to figure out just how this was going to work. A 4 month tour that was going to start in a month? With his pregnant wife and not even 1 year old daughter? There was no way he was leaving her home. Either of them for that matter. He looked at nikki who sat there quietly starring at the test in her hands. He had to put on a smile. For his wife and his daughter. Because if she knew he was scared shitless and nervous as hell, she would mirror his emotions. And that wasn't good for her or the baby. So he did. He smiled widely and took her face in his hands, making her look into his eyes.

" we're having another baby." He said kissing her passionatly. She pulled away, and he could see her start to smile.

" Oh my god...We...we're really having another baby." She said quietly, rubbing her stomach. He leaned in and pressed his forehad to hers.

" I love you so much." He said kissing her forhead. She closed her eyes. He was happy? About having another baby? I mean thats why they got married right? To have kids and stuff. She took his hands in hers and smiled. If he was happy then so was she.

" I love you too." She said before he pulled her into him. Another baby, he thought. Taking them all on tour he thought once more. Challenge accepted.


	21. Chapter 21

Nikki picked up ellie and placed her on her hip stratigically as she grabbed her bag and turned to her appartment. She had already been on a tour with the guys once. But for 4 months? And while she was 4 months pregnant? With a soon to be 1 year old? She closed her eyes and inhaled and exhaled slowly.

" You can do this nicole. For him." She whispered to herself then look back at ellie who was cuddled into nikkis neck, still tierd. " Come on sweetheart, lets go back to sleep on the bus." She said softly as she walked down the hall. Ben had gotten a job on the california marine base camp facility where he was training other soilders, so as much as he wanted to he wasn't going to be on tour with them this time. Everything seemed to be hitting top speed really fast. Logan even came to her last night, telling her something that still was setting in. He wanted to propose to camille. He said he was more then ready, and wanted to start a family of there own. Although she didn't love him like that logan was still always going to be her first. He was her first kiss and the first person she lost it too. So no matter what he did it was going to sting a bit. However she smiled and hugged him assuring him that he was going to be just fine and that she was going to be there for him every step of the way.

" There are my girls!" James said from the door of the large tour bus sitting out front of there building. Nikki smiled. No matter what happens she gets to wake up in the morning to the man she loves and thats all that really matters.

" Yeah your tierd girls!" she said rolling her eyes. She walked past him and placed her stuff on the couch setting ellie in her portable crib. They had gotten her a really nice luxuray one like the one they had at home since it was going to be her bed for the next 4 months. Logan hopped on the bus camille in tow and rubbed his hands together.

" alright lets get rollin!" he said excitededly. Nikki rolled her eyes and leaned her head back pulling her hood over her eyes in chance to shield the sun. Logan had insisted on sharing a bus with her and james. She wasn't entirely sure why, but she did like the idea considering they were closest next to her and james.

Xxxx

Nikki stood in the kitchen area cleaning the dishes. As much as she loved them, the guys were down right pigs on tour. Suddenly she felt james snake his arms around her waist and kiss her neck.

" What do you want." She said smirking. He laughed.

" What I can't show affection to my wife?" He said lovingly. She rolled her eyes and turned around wrapping her arms around his neck.

"Not unless you want something from me." she said kissing him softly. James laughed a bit and pushed the hair from her face.

" Well I have something for you this time." He said pulling out a long box. Nikki's face fell serious. " I know we didn't get a chance to celebrate our 1 year. And thats one of the most important anniversaries. But with tour and everything..." He trailed off. " Anyway, I got you this." he said opening the long bracelet box. It was a pandora charm bracelet, she covered her mouth and looked up at him with tears in her eyes.

" James you didn't have to..." she said full of emotion as he took it out of the box and fastened it on her right wrist.

" I did though." He said smiling at her reaction. " This charm is for our wedding day, this is for ellie, this is for our one year and this..." He said pulling out a smaller box with a gold and diamond incrested guitar shaped bead. " Is for our son. For every occasion, and special event in our life im going to add one." He said kissing her again. She wiped her eyes hoping her makeup wasn't trailing to much on her face.

" But james I didn't get anything for you..." she whispered embarrased. He rolled his eyes and laughed.

" Yes you did." He said bending down and pressing his lips to her stomach. " You got me a family." She ran her hands through his hair and smiled, tears cascading uncontrolably. He stood up and wiped her face clean and kissed her forhead.

xxxx

James held nikkis hand as the doctor pressed the ultrasound wand across her small baby bump. His eyes were glued to the screen waiting for a picture of there future son or daughter. The doctor pressed a few buttons and suddenly a black and white image appeared on the screen. Nikki smiled as she saw the baby's sillohuette.

" would you like to know what your having?" The doctor asked smiling at nikki and james. James started to nodd excitededly.

" Yes ! Please!" He said anxiously. The doctor looked at nikki to make sure it was okay and she just rolled her eyes.

" Yeah, just do it before he pees himself with excitement." She said teasingly. James stuck his tongue out at her and she giggled.

" Its.." the doctor pressed a couple buttons on the keybored. " a boy!" Nikki felt her heart flutter. A boy. They we're going to have a little boy. She looked over at james who was fighting his tears and smiling wildly.

" can we have a picture?" he asked softly. The doctor nodded, cleaning off nikkis stomach and walked out of the room to print up the photos. James ran his hands along the screen.

" We're having a boy." He said kissing nikkis hand.

" I know. This is crazy, I can't believe ellie's going to be a big sister." she said quietly, sitting up and looking down at her belly.

" Yeah...This is going to be amazing. Having a full family with you...we're gonna need to look at houses soon. That appartments too small for all of us." He said pushing the hair from her face.

" a house? Really? You want a house? With like...a backyard and pool?" she said laughing a bit.

" Yes with like a backyard and pool. I love the appartment don't get me wrong but...i was looking at some places over in beverilly hills and they're huge." She nodded.

" sounds like a plan jay." she said as the doctor walked back in and handed them the dvd and pictures. James grabbed them happily and shoved them in nikkis bag. They thanked the doctor and headed back to the venue. They had been in a month of tour and things were moving swiftly. Nikki enjoyed it that way but sometimes, taking it slow was a good thing.

Xxx

James lit the candles on the small chocolate cake that read Happy Birthday Ellie in big bold red icing. He smiled to himself. 1 year. 1 year ago today he was standing in the hospital holding nikki's hand helping bring this beautiful baby girl into the world. 1 year ago he held her for the first time starring into her eyes as the nurses handed her to him anouncing she was happy and healthy. To this day she is flawless and perfect in his and nikki's eyes. He lifted up the cake and walked to the front lounge where everyone had crowded for ellies special day. She sat on nikki's lap and reached for james as he came closer.

" You want cake ellie?" he said placing it on the table in front of her. " Say cake ellie!" He said stroking her finger.

" mine!" She giggled and reached for it but nikki pushed it away.

" No no no, we have to sing first ellie." Nikki said tickling her tummy. She laughed again and sat there as everyone sang happy birthday to her.

" Blow out the candle ellie!" carlos said smiling from the other side, with his iphone recording. Ellie smiled and reached for the candle and nikki gasped pulling her hand back.

" no ellie blow." she said blowing ellies bangs asaid. Ellie giggled and turned to her cake. She inhaled and blew softly as nikki helped her.

" There you go baby doll!" Kendall said lifting her up and kissing her cheek playfully. Ellie smiled and pulled at his hair. " ow ellie!" he said laughing a bit. James took the cake and started to cut it handing it out to everyone.

" So how does it feel man, being a dad for 1 year now?" Logan said slapping his best friend on the back as james slid next to him across from nikki and camille. James shrugged.

" I don't know. I think we did a pretty good job for noobs." he said winking as nikki laughed aloud. James watched as she rolled her eyes and took a bite of cake.

" God chocolate makes everything feel better." She said closing her eyes and smiling dreamily.

" What do you mean by that? Are you still in pain?" Logan asked concerned. Nikki sent him a death glare, kicking him under the table. He winced and rubbed his leg.

" Pain? You're in pain?" James said putting down the fork and starring at her concerned as well.

" No I...it was like...ugh LOGAN! Your such an ass. James it nothing really. I just had a back ache before." She glarred daggers to logan who merrily looked down at his piece of cake.

" Nicole, don't say its nothing. How long have you been having his pain? Where is it?" James said pushing his cake away and looking at her.

" Its gone okay? Give me my baby." She said scooting out of the booth and taking ellie from kendall. She slipped her in her high chair and put a bib on her. " You ready for cake baby?" She clapped her hands together as nikki put a piece in front of her. " Okay but you have to be clean okay? No mess-" Before she could finish ellies hands were deep in the piece and smooshing it around her fingers. She pressed a piece to her mouth and then rubbed her nose. " cause now we have to bathe you again." She said rolling her eyes and laughing. There was no way she was going to tel james about that pain again. It wasn't that big of a deal right? I mean it was only back pain. She had it with ellie, although not as bad as now but still pretty painful. She sunk down into the couch next to carlos and leaned her head back. She was 6 months pregnant, she shouldn't be this tierd but travel wears her out as it is.

" You okay?" carlos asks next to her sipping his coke.

" Yeah im just sleepy." she said smiling werily. He nodds and smiles to her. Carlos placed his hand on her large stomach and smiled as he felt the baby kick.

" He's a rough little guy huh?" He said rubbing her tummy. She laughed.

" Yeah he takes after james." She said looking down. She had to admit, although she was nervous as hell, another baby was kind of exciting. She looked over to james who was snapping pictures of ellie and her completely chocolate covered face. Nikki smiled as she watched everyone coo over ellie. Never had she ever dreamed about being where she was now. On the road with her family pregnant for a second time and celebrating her daughters first birthday with the man she loves. When she snapped back to reality she looked down to see carlos talking to her stomach. She smiled and rolled her eyes. Some family she had, she thought to herself.


	22. Chapter 22

Tonight was the last show of tour. Thank god because nikki could barely walk at this point. Her feet were swollen and her back was killing her, one more month and this kid would be out of her. She rubbed her stomach as james ran around the changing room tring to get ready. It was there home show in LA, and they were playing for the there biggest crowd yet. He starred in the mirror and fixed his hair as ellie sat on the floor playing with her dolls. He turned around and scooped her up.

" You wanna go with daddy on stage tonight?" she giggled and shook her head. " Oh please?" He said bouncing her up and down.

" No!" she said laughing and hiding her face in his shoulder. He turned to nikki and smiled.

" You know logans probably going to propose tomorrow right? Hes got this huge thing planned." He said rubbing ellies back.

" Oh yeah? Sounds good." she said not really paying attention to him. Instead she was trying to allieviate the pain in her sides. It felt like knives stabbing her when she would breathe. James looked at her worried.

" Nikki, are you sure your okay?" She nodded and opened her eys.

" Im fine. Your on in 5 minutes go." She said holding her hands out for ellie. He sighed and handed her to nikki and leaned forward. " Good luck love." she said kissing him softly. He smiled and said goodbye.

Xxx

By the time they were at encore, nikki's pain had ultimately gotten worse. She couldn't even stand, and hiding it was getting harder and harder. The last time she did that, ellie was born. But these didn't feel like contractions, more like really bad gas pains or something along those lines. With ever breath she gasped and tried to wipe the tears from her eyes. She heard the screams erupt as the guys ran off stage coming through the side. Everyone ran up to them hugging them and congratulating them. Nikki instead sat at the table her head in her hands.

" Nicole? Nicole..." Someone said from above her. She looked up slowly. Logan. " Oh my god nicole, are you okay? You look terrible." He said putting his hand on her head. " Holy crap, your burning up-JAMES!" He yelled as james made his way over quickly. His eyes widened.

" Nikki? what happened?" He looked to a frantic logan.

" James pick her up she has to get to the hospital." He said quickly as james scooped her up and she burried her head in his neck. He ran to the car and slid in next to logan as carlos, kendall and the girls got in the car in back of them. Logan pushed her hair out of her face and put a cold cloth to her forhead.

"Nicole, breathe you have to breathe deep okay?" He instructed rubbing her back as she felt the m speed out of the parking lot. She didn't have any energy to even cry at this point. The consistant pain had drained her. James was just as pale as she was and was sick with worry.

" Logan tell me what the hell is going on!" He snapped. Logan sighed.

" I think she has pryclampsia. Its dangerous thats why we need to get to the hospital." He said frightfully. Nikki closed her eyes. " NO! Nicole you have to stay awake okay?"

" How dangerous?" James asked almost in tears. Logan looked up with the same look that any doctor would give. He inhaled and bit his lip. He had to be strong. She was going to be fine. Suddenly they pulled up to the hospital and james lifted her out carefully. Logan ran ahead to warn the nurses and they immediately braught her a stretcher. She groaned and held james as tight as she could. The doctor stood over her for a minute examining her. He paled significantly as well and nodded to the nurses who rushed nikki into a delivery room. He turned to james.

" James, I need you to do me a favor." He said starring into his eyes. James just nodded. " Nicole is in premature labor. She is far to dilated to stop contractions." James felt eyes well up. It was too early, way to early.

" B-But that means...She..." He trialed off.

" James you have to listen to me. You have to tell her to push. She's going to want to stop but you have to help her through it alright? Its crucial that you do." He said walking in the delivary room. Logan put his hand on james shoulder and turned to him.

" Jay you can do this." logan whispered, tears already soaking his face. James shook his head.

"n-no logan I can't do this. Logan I can't-" He said shaking with sobs.

" JAMES! You have to okay? For nicole and ellie !" He said pulling him in for a hug. James nodded and walked towards the room. He knew what premature labor meant. It meant she was going to be in much more pain. And his son had only a percent of making it out okay and healthy. He heard nicoles piercing scream and ran to her side. She was completely covered in sweat, pale as a ghost and shaking uncontrolably. He calmly stood next to her and didn't take his eyes off his wife. He stroked her head.

" You have to push." He whispered, tears still cascading over his cheeks. She shook her head.

" N-no jay its to early-" But he cut her off.

" Im going to need you to push nicole!" the doctor said. She shook her head and james shushed her.

" Nikki, You have to push. Im right here. Ready?" He said squeezing her hand. She nodded wearily and gave it everything she had. She winced at the sharp pain and began to sob again. " Nikki, breathe baby its going to hurt less if your calm." He said with a shaky voice. She nodded again and pushed as instructed. Suddenly it was over, but instead of a baby's cry there was pure silence. She tried to lean up to see but couldn't as james blocked her view.

" Wh-where is he? Where are they taking him-James?" She said sobbing harder as she watched the nurses wheel him out in an incubator. James leaned his forehead on hers and she shut her eyes tightly. " James he's going to be okay right? James...James why aren't you answering me?" She said scared, the nurse walked over to them.

" Sweetheart you need your rest, james im going to ask you to wait outside for a moment." the nurse said pulling him away from her. He attempted to hold her grip but was forcefully pushed out the door as it shut in his face. He stood there quietly as sobs racked his body. He was simply helpless.

" Jay?" Someone said from the side of him. He turned to see both of there families standing before him. His parents had flown tonight for there last concert as a surprise.

" James is she okay..." Logan asked softly. Everyone was either crying silently or in shock. The only calm one was ellie and it was because she was asleep in bens arms. " James please tell me shes okay...please." He just nodded turned to them.

"He...he didn't even cry." was all he said before falling to his knees. Immediately logans arms wrapped around him, as he sobbed into logans shirt. Logan held back as much as he could but it was no use. " We...we couldn't e-even hold him and she...she just kept screaming. I...i can't do this." he said strainging himself to speak in between sobs and breaths of air. Logan rubbed his back.

" James its okay. The doctors are taking care of them, they're going to be okay." Logan said looking back up to there family and friends. Ben was silently crying as kendall and lucy consoled each other along with carlos and haley. Camille rubbed nicoles mom's back as they cried and gustavo and kelly stood in the background with James parents and mama knight and katie. He closed his eyes praying for the best.

Xxx

James stood his arms crossed in front of the icu nursary. There son parker was put in the front so everyone could see him. Unfortunatly it wasn't something happy to see. He was hooked up to about 30 different machines, confined in an incu and his eyes were covered with pads to sheild him from the florescent lighting. James felt someone squeeze his shoulder but he stood statue still.

" How are you?" kendall asked his solomn friend. The guys stood next to him. " Hes beautiful man."

" Its my fault." he whispered his eyes not leaving the glass.

" James-" logan started.

" Its my fault because I saw she wasn't feeling good before the concert and I should've told you but I didn't because I didn't think it was a big deal. The doctor said it could've been prevented if she came in an hour earlier." he looked down and felt tears again.

"Jay. Its not your fault. No one knew. Not even her." logan whispered shakey. Suddenly they heard someone walk up behind them and james turnet to see there doctor, standing there smiling a bit.

" She's awake if you guys would like to see her." he said motioning to the room down the hall. They nodded and walked in, nikki laid quietly starring straight ahead. She had been crying, her face was a sick shade of pale white and she looked distraught. She heard james walk in and he immediately ran to her and pulled her into him.

" Shhh its okay im here. Shhh." he whispered. Logan sat beside her on her bed and she cuddled into james.

" How is he?" She whispered with a raspy voice. She must've lost it during the time she was screaming. James smiled.

" Hes in the incu in icu. Thats all I know." He said pushing her hair away from her face. She nodded as the doctor walked in.

"Hi mr and mrs. Diamond, may I have a word in private?" The guys excused themselves as the doctor walked over to them. Nikki didn't let go of james. " I just want to inform you on your sons condition." He inhaled. He didn't look happy. " Unfortunatly, your son was born premature, and his lungs aren't fully developed. He also has a very...weak heartbeat." Nikki looked away, she couldn't take it anymore. James held her close and she could hear his silent sobs. "I...im sorry but there is a chance he may not make it through tonight."

" NOOOOOOOOO!" Nikki let out a scream covering her mouth as james held her close trying to calm her. She sobbed harder, unable to breathe.

" im so sorry. If there is anything we can do, we will try to help. James...nicole..i...i truly am sorry." the doctor said , looking like he was holding back tears himself. He walked out leaving nikki shaking in james arms. She made to get out of bed but her knees gave way and she collapesed against james as they sank to the floor. She burried her head in shoulder and sobbed as he rocked her back and forth. He cried as silent as he could trying to be strong for her. Logan and the guys ran in at the sound of her painful crys.

" james?" Carlos asked shakely. James looked up to the guys and shut his eyes shaking his head slowly. Logan let out a sob and tried to look away. The scene was to painful. He walked into the hall.

" Oh jay no." Kendall said covering his mouth and trying to keep from crying. Carlos openly cried and kendall rubbed his back soothingly. How could this happen? Why do such horrible things happen to such good people? He thought as he watched james hold his completely distraught wife in his arms. He turned to the waiting room where logan was telling everyone else. He watched james mother begin to cry harder along with nicoles. The girls held each other as he watched ben pull ellie closer to him, silently crying out his pain in order not to scare his niece.

"i-im sorry." Nikki chocked out over and over again. James shook his head.

" No baby its not your fault. Its not I promise, shhh." He said burrying his face in her hair and rubbing her back.

"its all my fault." she whispered over and over again.

"its not nik, please stop saying that...please." james begged her but she stayed on the idea.

Xxxx

After about a couple of hours or so, everyone had been wiped out due to the emotional stress of things. They all stayed in the hospital waiting room, as james laid in bed with nikki wrapped tightly around him. He stroked her hair and sang to her softly. Mama knight and katie and the girls had taken ellie back to kendalls as the guys stayed, refusing to leave there best friends. Nicole had completely drained herself from crying and was still sobbing silently in her sleep. Kendall, logan and carlos walked in with tear staind faces. James gave them a weak smile.

" How is she?" logan asked breathing deeply and sinking in the chair next to the bed. James shrugged.

" I...i don't know. I mean...this is...this is heartbreaking enough for me but...for her? It must be terrifying to loose a baby as a mother. I just...im so helpless." He whispered tears still falling from his eyes.

" Jay...no one saw this coming...its not anyones fault." Kendall said.

" I know but...thats my son. Thats my little boy in there and...the doctors are telling us we can't have him. I pray none of you have to go through this...ever." he trailed off and turned back to nikki who was still shaking but asleep. There was a light knock at the door and there doctor stood there silently.

" James, would you and nicole like to hold him? You have to be gentle but I just got cleared to let you guys see him." he said softly giving them a sad smile. James perked up a bit. As did the guys. " Unfortunatly only you and nicole are allowed to go on. The rest of you can watch by the window though." he replied. The guys looked to james who looked at nikki. He rubbed her back waking her up calmly and she looked around at everyone.

" Baby, the doctor said we can hold him..." He whispered to her. She nodded and gave james a small smile. He helpped her out of bed and all of them walked down to the icu. As nikki passed a couple rooms, she could see families holding there baby's and her heart began to sink once more. She starred ahead as they appeared in front of the icu. There he was. Perfect and small. He looked like james. But he was wrapped up in a bunch of wires and beeping machines.

" Okay nicole you can go in first, james you can scrub up." the doctor said handing james some scrubs he nodded and took them slipping them on over his jeans and vneck. " You boys can stand by the window."

" No. I want them inside with us." james added. The doctor looked at him oddly along with the other guys. " I need them in there with me. Please. They...they're able to help me."

" alright. But you have to scrub up, only one of you can go in." He said. The guys nodded and pushed logan forward.

"m-me?" he stuttered.

" yes you. She needs you. Go." Kendall said smiling. Logan nodded and threw on his scrubs as well. The doctor opened the door and nikki walked in slowly her hand interlocked tightly with james. The nurse instructed for her to sit down on the large lazy boy chair that was in there and she slowly handed her the baby. He was about the size of nicoles hands put together,Which were remarkably tiny. His eyes were still closed tight and he was hooked up to aton of machines. But she was able to hold him.

" Hi baby..." She whispered, she could feel tears begin to soak her cheeks but she kept her composure. " im your mommy." He gurgled and she smiled a bit. James bent down and put his pinki up to the baby's hand.

" can I get a name for reference?" The nurse asked politely. Nikki looked up.

" His names parker." She said looking back down.

" I think thats an amazing name." He said softly. She smiled at him and looked down at parker who was as still as could aside from his rising and falling chest. Nikki slowly handed parker to james who took him gentely as he could. He was able to fit in james one hand perfectly and james could feel his heart tugging inside him. This was his son. His beautiful baby boy and the thought of him...not being here within the next day or so...was litterally killing him. But he had to be strong for nikki and for ellie. So he put on a fake smile and stroked parkers hands, still letting tears fall.

" Hi buddy. Its daddy." He whispered waiting for any sign of movement. Parkers hands curled around half his pinki and he smiled. "Your so handsome. You look just like me." He said holding him close. James turned to logan, who was shaking in his boots. Parker was so tiny. And seeing him hooked up to all these machines was more then terrifying. Logan gave james a small smile. They were such amazing people. Why did this have to happen to them? His eyes landed on the baby laying still in james hands. He was no more bigger then them and was simply still in his sleep. He looked strong though, and if he was anything like james and nikki he was going to make it. But when it came down to chances in the medical field some were just certain. " Wanna hold him? You are his godfather." James said with a smile. Logan attempted to smile back. This was nothing like holding ellie. But it may be his only chance. He nodded and james gently placed him in logans arms. Within moments logan couldn't look away. He was more then precious. He was just as perfect as ellie. He stroked pakers arm and smiled as she shifted a bit. It wouldn't be fair. To bless nikki and james with something so beautiful and just rip it from there hands.

" Hey there little man. Its your uncle logie. Yeah and your uncle carlos and uncle kendall are outside by the window. Just hang in there okay? We..We're not ready to let you go, for a long long long time." He looked up to see james and nikki smiling back at him. " Your mommy and daddy are the greatest people I know. So if your anything like them, your going to be just fine." he whispered.

" We have to feed him now." the nurse said next to logan. He nodded reluctantly as she took him from his grip and placed him back in the incu. After the 3 of them walked out of the room and unscrubed, nikki complained she was tierd. James scooped her up and walked back to her room as kendall and carlos stayed behind with logan. Logan starred blankly into the window watching them feed parker.

" Its just not fair." He said softly. He turned to kendall and carlos. " Why would this happen to them? Why? This...this is..." But he trailed off and leaned against the wall and slid down. He rested his head in his hands and for what seemed like the millionth time that day he balled his eyes out shaking with emotions. They didn't deserve this. Those were his best friends.


	23. Chapter 23

It had been a week and nikki was yet to be released from the hospital. James spent every night with her hoping to here good news. But on that friday while they started to pack nikkis things to return home, something happened. Something that ripped there hearts from there chest. Nikki heard a couple doctors running past her room. She peared out and noticed they were headed straight for the icu nursary. Her heart dropped and she started to run after them. She heard james call out her name and try to grab her but she ripped from his grip. Logan and the guys ran after her trying to pull her back but thats when she stopped in front of the large glass window as she watched 2 doctors and 4 nurses try to revive her son. She covered her mouth in horror as his heart monitor hit 0. James stopped behind her as one of the doctors walked out with a solomn look on his face.

" Mr. And Mrs. Diamond..." James and nikki perked up at his voice, to in shock to respond. " Im sorry." He looked down as nikki lost feeling in her legs. She collapesed to the floor as james grabbed ahold of her pulling her into him tightly.

" No!" She screamed and sobbed harder. She intertwined her fingers in her hair pulling at it trying to wake up from this nightmare. She rocked back and forth in james hold as he burried his face in her neck. He tried to calm her as she had a meltdown in front of everyone. He looked behind him to see the guys in tears trying to keep it together like he was. He could morn later, he thought to himself, right now I need to keep it together for nikki. For everyone. He held her tighter as her body shook with painful sobbs. He was gone. He had one week and was taken away from them. How could the world be so cruel?

Xxxx

Nikki had sobbed herself into a deep sleep. James had taken her back to there room where she had let go of every emotion inside her. He looked at the clock and sighed. It was 10pm, and they had stayed an extra 5 hours trying to keep sane. James scooped nikkis body into his arms and walked towards the exit, logan and the guys following him silently. He had been crying, but had to hold in his sobbing because his wife needed support. They got to the black escalade and he slid in with her placing her on his lap. She cuddled into him and he kissed her forhead pushing the hair from her eyes. Logan slid next to him and watched nikki sleep. He knew she was going to be damaged by this. He knew what this was going to do to her. Before everyone found out she was pregnant they thought she had depression, and after this traumatic expierence no one would be sighed wiping his eyes. Never would he have thought that they'd be leaving this hospital empty handed and filled with pain.

The drive home was quiet, all that could be heard was the sound of rain spatting against the window. The guys arrived at there appartment building helping james out with nikki who had her arms tightly wrapped around his neck. Just seeing her this helpless ripped a whole in his heart. He could only imagine how she felt. She just lost a baby, There baby. A little boy who had james glowing green eyes and nikkis smile. Gone, within minutes. Everyone piled out of the elevator and logan walked ahead opening there door as james walked in and towards there bedroom. He placed nikki on the bed and covered her then walked back out closing the door. Everyone starred at him. Thats when he lost it and logan wrapped his arms around james. James sobbed into his shoulder and carlos rubbed his back.

" Jay im so sorry." Logan whispered as he tightened his grip.

" Why ? Why would this happen to us? I can't believe..." But he trailed off letting out another sob. Suddenly ben appeared at the door. In his arms was ellie who looked more then confused.

" Theres daddy." Ben whispered setting her down. James regained his composure and bent down as ellie ran over to him into his arms. She burried her face in his neck and he rubbed her back. James looked over her shoulder at ben who with one look knew what had happened. He tried to hold his stature but tears flowed freely over his cheeks.

" Daddy why you sad?" She asked pulling away. He inhaled. " Where's paker?" She questioned. He gulped and looked around and back at his daughter pushing the hair from her face.

" Baby...parker he...he went to heaven." He whispered, tears still falling down his cheeks.

" why?" she asked still confused.

" because he...because god needed another angel." He said as she nodded.

" wheres mommy?"

" Shes asleep. Shes very very sad. Why don't you go color her a card okay? Daddy has to talk to everyone." He said as she nodded and walked into her room. He stood up and inhaled again.

" I can't do this. I...she doesn't even understand. This is to much for me..."

" Hey. Your not in it alone." Kendall said uncrossing his arms and placing a hand on james shoulder. " we're a team. We're here for you no matter what. Okay? So just..." Kendall said pulling james in again for another hug. James nodded and they pulled apart. Once again all eyes were on him. He sighed and started to clean up the kitchen but ben stopped him.

" I got it. Go rest. You need it." He said as james looked up at them sadly. He nodded silently and walked to his and nikkis bedroom. She was laying there awake starring at the wall opposite of her. He tore off his shirt and pants slipping on his sweats and crawled next to her, wrapping his arm around her waist. Half of him expected to feel her baby bump, but the other half knew it wasn't there. He burried his face in the back of her neck and they both drifted to dreamless sleep.

Xxxx

About a month passed in which things started to get back to normal. Everything except nikki. Instead of her normal bubbly self, she stayed secluded in her bedroom, under the covers. James took up her role of cleaning and watching ellie. The guys would come over everyday to help out and sometimes camille and the girls would stop by. They'd ask how nikki was doing and get the same answer. Logan walked in as ellie came running through the house after fox.

" Ellie! Stop running in the kitchen!" james corrected as she paused frowning at him.

" no!" she yelled back. She started that last week. The no word. He despised it. Narrowing his eyes at her as if challenging her to say it again made her look away and go in the livingroom to watch tv.

" hey guys!" logan spoke up. James smiled at him .

" hey dude, whats up?" he said finishing the dishes and drying his hands off.

" Nothing much, Hows...nikki?" he said quietly. James frowned and shrugged.

" same how she is everyday." He mumbled.

" James I think you should take her to a theripist. Or a psychiatrist. What she's doing is not healthy." Logan suggested rubbing the back of his neck nervously. James sighed and rubbed his temples, leaning his elbows on the island counter.

" Logan...she lost a baby. Of course she's going to be depressed." he said lowly.

" But thats not healthy. James she needs sunlight. Im pretty sure she hasn't been outside in weeks."

" She opens the window at night-"

" Jay thats not the point!" logan yelled fustrated.

" DON'T YOU THINK I KNOW THAT?! I GET IT LOGAN! SHE NEEDS HELP BUT IF YOU WANNA BE THE ONE TO TELL HER THAT THEN BY ALL MEANS DO SO BECAUSE IM REFUSE TO BREAK HER HEART ANYMORE !" james yelled suddenly. Ben rushed out of his room starring at the two.

" whats going on?" he asked cautiously.

" Nicole needs help jay...mourning is healthy, but killing yourself isn't." Logan stated sadly. James put his head in his hands.

" I know. Your right. Im...Im sorry." He mummbled. " Im just so stressed out. I feel like im a single dad. She doesn't even...nevermind."

" What?" logan insisted as ben scooped up ellie and walked into to the kitchen area.

" She doesn't even let me touch her anymore. Its like shes a totally different person...and...and its killing me." He said sadly turning away.

" im gonna talk to her." logan said finally.

" Good luck." james said stroking ellies hair. Logan walked toward there bedroom door. He opened it slowly peaking his head in. he saw nikki cuddled up in her comfoter and walked in slowly. She was starring at the wall opposite of her once again. He moved towards her cautiously.

" Nikki...What are you doing?" He whispered crouching down in front of her vision. He had to hold back tears. She looked horrible. She was thin and pale. And her eyes were lifeless. She blinked. He pushed the hair from her face.

"Its all my fault." She said quietly after 10 minutes.

" No nicole its not. Things happen. Its not your fault. No one blames you." He tried to reason but she closed her eyes tightly.

" I blame me." he sat next to her on the bed.

" Nikki...stop this. Stop doing this to yourself." He said rubbing her back.

" You don't get it...no one gets it." She said harshly.

" I know one person who does!" logan snapped back. She turned to him shocked he'd even speak to her in that tone.

" Excuse me?" He hissed.

" HOW ABOUT YOUR HUSBAND?! WHAT ABOUT JAMES? HE GETS IT! HE LOST A BABY TOO YOU KNOW! BUT INSTEAD OF BEING SELFISH HE'S TAKING CARE OF YOUR DAUGHTER! AND HES CLEANING AND COOKING AND TAKING HER TO DAYCARE! AND INSTEAD OF THANKING HIM YOUR...YOUR LAYING IN BED ALL DAY WALLOWING IN YOUR SELF PITY? YOUR BEING REDICULOUS NICOLE!" logan spat out nastily. He stood up starring daggers at her. She sent him a death glare in return. She knew he was right and she knew she was being selfish. But she's never dealt with pain like this before. She didn't know how to handle it. He sighed and looked down. " Im sorry I yelled nik, but ….but someone had to say it. You need help. And you need it fast." He said frowning and walking out. Oh my god, she thought putting her head in her hands. He was right. About everything. She sank back under the covers and began tearing was hurting everyone and killing herself.

Logan stormed out of her room and past james and ben who eyed him curiously.

" Dude, what the hell?" James asked. Logan starred him down.

" Thats your wife james. And you need to know how to confront her about her problems. One of them being that she's selfishly laying there day after day while you have to take care of everything your supposed to do as a couple." He said gesturing to her room. James frowned.

" Logan you didn't have to yell at her-" ben said sadly.

" NO! I did ! Because its the only way to get through to her! She's always been stubbron you think thats gonna change now?!" He said grabbing his jacket and slamming the door shut behind him. James and ben looked at each other.

Xxxx

James stood in the shower washing his hair and singing to himself. He had put ellie to bed and just needed the hot water to relax him. It felt amazing on his tense muscles. If this is what nikki did everyday while he was at the studio or something then he totally gets the stress thing.

" _Paris london tokyo, just one thing that I gotta do_" He sang softly. Suddenly he saw the door open slightly and looked to see nikki standing there. She looked like she had been crying again. He frowned. " Hey baby are you-" But he was cut off as she stripped her clothes and got in the shower with him. Without saying a word she wrapped her arms around his waist and cuddled into his chest. He smiled to himself and wrapped his arms around her protectivly. He could feel her sob under him. " Nik, whats wrong? Don't cry." he whispered.

" Im-Im sorry I was selfish. I just...i don't want you to hate me." she said quietly. He pulled her away for a moment looking into her sorrow filled eyes.

" Nicole Diamond. Don't you dare say that to me ever again. Do you understand me? I could never ever hate you. Especially for something that wasn't even your fault...I love you nikki." he said pressing his lips to her forhead. She nodded and closed her eyes. He grabbed her soap behind her and squrited some in his hands and them massaging it all over her body. She simply stood there as he ran his hands over her curves and down her thighs. She rinsed off and he rested his chin on her shoulder, snaking his arms around her small waist and pulling her into him. "_Beauty queen of only 18 she had some trouble with herself..._" he sang softly in her ear. She smiled for the first time in a month and bit her bottom lip. She missed him singing to her. It was something that ultimatly relaxed her. She placed her hands on his and he continued to sing.

Nikki and james got out of the shower and he wrapped a towel around her pulling her into him. She let slip another smile and he smiled back, leaning down and pressing his lips to hers for the first time in 4 weeks. The feeling of sparks ran back into his system. It was a beautiful rush he missed so much and was craving for.

Xxxx

Nikki yawned and glanced at the clock. It was around 4am. She turned over to find james side empty. She frowned and rolled out of bed tiptoeing into the living room. Suddenly she heard his voice coming from ellies room. She slowly walked to the door and pushed it open. James rocked back and forth in the rocking chair rubbing ellies back and singing to her smiled to herself leaning against the door. She had to admit, he had to be one of the best husbands and fathers a woman can dream for. And here he was rocking there daughter back to sleep. She looked so at peace when he sang to her. He looked up and smiled.

" what?" he asked blushing a bit.

" I have to be the luckiest woman alive to be married to you." She whispered smiling sadly. " I love you , you know that?"

" I love you to." he said softly. She turned away and walked back to bed. She laid down and waited for james to come back in. she felt him crawl next to her and she turned to him. She grabbed his hand and wrapped it around her waist and he pulled her close. He burried his head in her hair smiling to himself. He missed this. Simple cuddling, simple holding each other. It was what he longed for for the past month. All he wanted to was hold her close and breathe her in.

xxx

Nikki woke up once more and felt james arm wrapped tightly around her. She smiled and slowly slipped from his grasp. She tip toed out the door and smiled to herself as she felt the sun rays caress her skin. It felt amazing to venture out of that room she held her self captive in for so long. She walked down the hall and stopped at one door. His door. Everynight she'd get up since she came home and just stare in it. She inhaled and glanced in at his empty crib. Looking at it hurt way to much. She felt her heart drop and emotions rise in its place. She quickly shut the door.

" I don't know why you insist on doing that everynight." She jumped at bens voice and grabbed her chest wiping away her tears. He crossed his arms and starred at her.

" I just...i just keep hoping its some bad dream that im going to wake up from." She said looking back at the door and then looking down. She slowly walked passed him in and into the kitchen area. He followed her and sat down at the island watching her make herself a cup of hot chocolate.

" How are you doing?" He asks as she places a mug in front of him and makes him his hott chocolate. She shrugs and pushes her out of her face sitting across from him.

" I...I don't know." she stuttered trying not make eye contact with him. She felt him grab her hand and she bit her lip. " I feel so...empty. And...and...i don't want to." She said quietly.

" I thin logan is right...i think you should get..you know..." He didn't want to say the word therepy. She had that when there parents were going through a divorce and lets just say it ended terribly.

" Ben..you know how I feel about that." She whispered.

" Nicole, Ellie needs her mom. Ellie needs the old you back. If none of us can help you...don't you think you need someone who knows what they're doing?" He pressed on. She felt her walls go up and although he was trying to look out for her , his words were cutting through her skin. Professional help? No. She could handle this by herself. With that she began putting her cup in the sink and cleaning the counter. Ben looked at her as if he wanted to say something but stopped himself. She starred at him for a moment.

"What?" she asked. He looked looked down and shook his head. She crossed her arms. " Ben...what?" He bacame hesitant.

"Nothing don't worry about it." He said tossing his mug in the sink and walking back to his room.


End file.
